


The Way We Live

by DOA



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Sports, Anxiety, By Kenny and Mikasa, Cause Something Has To Be Happy, Cause That's My Headcannon, Child Abuse, Demisexuality, Eventual Smut, F/F, F/M, Grisha Yeager's Bad Parenting, I haven't decided, I'm so sorry, Kenny Is Nice, Levi Is A Dork, Levi Is Adopted, Little Bit Of Cheating, Love Triangle, M/M, Maybe Levi's POV, Minor At First, Muteness, Or Some Weird Shape, Panic Attacks, Past Child Abuse, Past Prostitution, Pining, Rape Recovery, Rape/Non-con Elements, Soccer AU, Starts Slow With The Panic Attacks, Suicide Attempt, They're Pretty Much All Friends, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Transgendered Hanji, Yes This Is High School AU, and really protective, but don't worry, eren's pov, honestly though, i think I'm done here, lots of pining, sooo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-03
Updated: 2015-07-13
Packaged: 2018-03-05 05:57:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 38
Words: 81,928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3108611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DOA/pseuds/DOA
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>People say there a lot to say about about how you were raised. For most people, that's true. For example, Jean is a rich snob who was spoiled by his parents. Also, Armin would read dictionaries with his grandpa for fun, and now he's a genius. They also say you always turn into your parents, whether you want to or not. Let's just say I really hope that's not true. </p><p>_____________________________</p><p> </p><p>The High School AU in which Eren is a damaged sweetheart in hiding and Levi is the only one who see's it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Damage Control

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! So, I've writen before, but I had to delete the account, so I guess I'm back! I don't really know what to say except it's gonna be a long one and everything will make more sense later. If you have any questions, concerns, ect. please leave a comment below! Thanks and enjoy:)

People say there a lot to say about about how you were raised. For most people, that's true. For example, Jean is a rich snob who was spoiled by his parents. Also, Armin would read dictionaries with his grandpa for fun, and now he's a genius. They also say you always turn into your parents, whether you want to or not. Let's just say I really hope that's not true.

Everyday is the same thing: wake up, get up (after quite a lot of effort), quietly take a shower, scrub until I bleed, put on ointment, put my clothes on, brush my hair, brush my teeth, put coverup on my bruises, pack what I need for the day, grab my backpack, go outside, put on a fake smile, stand and wait for Armin or his grandpa to pick me up, and finally breathe. This has been my daily morning routine for the past 6 years.

"Eren!" Armin yells from his grandpa's convertible. It's a baby blue 69 Ford Mustang and probably the most beautiful car I've ever seen. I sit in the front seat and turn to him. "Hey Ar, you pumped or what?" I say with false enthusiasm. Armin had been my best friend along with Mikasa since we were five. He's a shy boy when you first meet him, but he's sassy as fuck if you know him well enough. He has light blue eyes that he uses in his methods of manipulation and a blonde bowl cut.

"You do realize we still have a whole school day to get through." He says with a scolding mother look. For as long as I've know this boy, he's been protective over everyone he cares about. He's probably the main reason my façade hasn't been broken, it has to be good to fool him. "Come on, captain, it's your job to get everybody excited for the game!"

"Actually, co-captain, that's your job. I make sure your sorry ass can play." He says, pulling out of the drive way. Armin and I are captains of our school's soccer team. We were the first freshman to ever make it on varsity, making us the first junior captains ever this year. Armin wasn't good with the conditioning at first, but his footwork is so precise that he's unstoppable. I'm a goalie, but I can play a forward if needed. "Yeah yeah, I just can't wait to beat the damn Garrison." I say to him, feeling better immediately. The nice thing about soccer is that it distracts me from life, makes me feel as close to happy as I can be.

I look to Armin to see him laughing at me. "God, you're so intense, it's hilarious." He says as we pull into my bittersweet second home, Maria High. "I think I'm okay with that." I say with a smile. He parks the car and moves to get up when I'm reminded of a problem in my legs. I try to get up and fall almost instantly, catching myself on the handle. "Shit Eren, are you okay?" Armin says as he comes to my side and grabs my arm. "Yeah," I answer as we pull me to my feet.

"What's going on?" I hear a quiet, yet strong voice behind me. I look back to see Mikasa approaching us. Shit, if she thinks something's wrong, I'll never hear the end of it. "Good morning Mikasa. And nothing, my legs just hurt from practice. Connie fell on me again." I lie, looking down. Her violet, grey eyes relax at my answer and she pulls her red scarf up to her nose. Mikasa an uncommon beauty with her jet black hair and her pale skin. She's overly motherly to me since we were little and she was made fun of for being "oriental" and I stuck up for for her. We've been friend since.

"When did that happen?" A deep voice says as he walks over. Levi, or the third captain of our team, walks up and puts his arm around his sister. He moved into the Ackerman house his sophomore year and decided to take the name. Nobody really knows much about him before that except for two of his friends, Hanji and Erwin, so we just call him and Mikasa siblings. He looks a lot like Mikasa with the similar black hair and ivory skin. He has intense grey eyes and a face that shows little to no emotion. He's a good captain and an amazing soccer player, and despite his antisocial tendencies, we became fast friends.

"During warmup he drove the ball and I slid on him. Mornin' Levi," I continue. In all honesty, it isn't a lie. Connie did fall on me, but that's not the real reason, and leave it to Levi to ask about it. "Bright Eyes, Mushoom." Levi says the nicknames he gave Armin and I due to his bowl hair and my green eyes. We walk inside the school as the pain spreads through my legs. I gotta take some Tylenol when I get to my locker. "Levi!" A strawberry blonde girl yells to him. "I'll see you guys at the game. Don't be late." He says and walks to Petra and she hugs him.

"Do we have to do this?" I whine and lean on Mikasa as we continue walking to our lockers. "Come on, grow up." She says and lightly pushes me, but I don't miss the smirk under her red scarf. "But Mika, I just wanna play, why do I have to learn shit I'll never use?" I groan to her and she rolls her eyes. "If you wanna play. You gotta work." Armin says. "But Ar, all work and no play makes Eren a dull boy." He says with a pout. "No movie reference will get you out of this." He says as motherly as possible. Sometimes I'm not sure who's more of a mother, Armin or Mikasa, cause they both act like my parents, they just need to decide on a father.

We make it to my locker, which isn't that far from the parking lot luckily, and I open it as quickly as possible and pull out my medicine bottle. I keep it in my locker as a continuation of my morning routine along with a bottle of water. I take out two pills and swallow it with the water.

"Eren!" A small voice says from behind me and there are suddenly arms wrapped around my torso. I jump and push the arms off of me and turn so my back is to the locker. I look down to see it was Historia who had hugged me, eyes looking hurt as I begin to shake. Shit. "I'm so sorry... I... I don't know what..." I say as my legs finally give out and my back slides along the lockers. Great way to start the day, having a panic attack. Historia sits down next to me and grabs my hand. "Im sorry for the scare." She says smiling at me. Our fingers intertwine as I try and fail to calm my breathing. I look around to see most of the hallway has stopped and are staring at me. Shit, how loud was I? Armin and Mikasa look down to me with overly worried expressions and I know I must have been damn loud. I gotta do something.

I shoot Historia a fake smile and laugh. "You really scared me there." I say and I inwardly cringe at how weak my voice sounds, but it seems to be enough cause most people start walking away or laughing at my scare over my much smaller girlfriend. Historia and I have been dating since freshman year. She said she started liking me while watching me sing karaoke after a game at a local diner. She said it made me look most alive. I had liked her long before that, she was actually my second crush, the first being a boy named Thomas who moved away in the seventh grade. That's how I learned I was Demisexual, cause I've never been into anyone in any way more than a friend without knowing them for at least a year. I still haven't been truly aroused by anyone ever, despite me loving Historia. I'm lucky to have her, and I'm even more lucky she's willing to wait for when I'm ready. She could have anyone, she's sweet and gorgeous and I have no idea why she's with me. She has long blonde hair and big blue eyes. She kind of looks like Armin, but in a much more feminine way. She's looking at me with worry in her eyes right now as the hallway starts to empty.

"I'm gonna take you to the nurse." She say to me and gets up. Oh no. No no no. "Really it's fine..." I say as I try to get up and end up falling back on my ass, making me groan at the hard surface below me. My breathing goes ragged as Mikasa and Armin pick me up from the ground and help to walk me to the nurse's office. Before I go, I look back to see grey eyes' gaze burning into me


	2. Think Fast, Jaeger

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiii. So I'm sorry, but this is another short chapter. The will get longer as we get further into it. Also, the about the LevixEren aspect, you'll see it more in the next chapter or two. I think you guys might like it, so yeah, I'll post again pretty soon, enjoy!

I come to the nurse's office often enough that I've become friends with all the seniors that do their career class in here. They normally watch over me for awhile since the real nurse, Mr. Zackily, leaves business to his senior classes. There are three people in the first hour classes that I normally see after a panic attack: Petra, Hanji, and Mobilt.

Petra is a total sweetheart. She's nice, but firm when she has to be. I've gotten to know her when I'm over at Mikasa's since Petra's dating Levi. They've been dating for about a year, and we became friends because of it. She's as kind as she is beautiful too, with her strawberry blonde hair and big Amber eyes.

Hanji is... just crazy. Don't get me wrong, I love that women, but she's interesting. She's got a crazy personality that's a bit off putting at first, but she's really nice. We became friends my freshman year after I got in a fight with Horseface (*shivers*). It wasn't until halfway through the year I knew she was a girl though. She's transgendered, born in a boy's body. Once you get to know her, you see just how feminine she is. She grew out her hair to about mid back and normally wears it in a ponytail due to her love for science.

Mobilt is madly in love with her. Period. End of story. I mean, how else would he be brave enough to be her lab partner. The thought blows my mind that some isn't scared of her when she gets in her zone. Like she is now, looking over me like a madman. "What happened this time Eren? Knee popped out? Broken arm? Concussion?" She pries. The sad thing is, all of those have happened. She thinks it just soccer stuff I don't get checked out. I wish it was that simple.

"I saw what happened, it looked like your knee gave out." Petra says and sits next to me. "Um, no, it's not that..." I say staring at the ground. "What is it? Did something new happen?" Hanji asks excitedly. "Hanj, don't be so casual about his body." Mobilt says, not meeting my eyes. I think he's never really liked me all too much since Hanji likes it when something bad happens too me. I don't blame him, I really wish she would stop sometimes, or at least calm down. There's been too many close calls for my liking.

"Sorry, well what seems to be the problem then?" She asks, not appearing sorry at all. "Well, I... um... had a panic attack." I say the last part as quickly as I can. They all freeze and look between each other. I've never had a panic attack at school to the point of going to see them, so this is new to them. I try not to make a big deal of them because I have an idea of what will happen when I do. "Eren, I think we should call your dad." Petra says and I feel myself start to panic again. _Fuck, he can't know. He can't find out._ "You can't let him know." I don't realize I've said that out loud until Petra's eyes widen. Fuck. Now she's gonna ask questions. _Think fast, Jaeger._ "If he finds out, he'll take me out of school before the game tonight." _Good. That'll cover it. No one will question that. Now just calm your breathing and smile._ I shoot a small smile to Petra as she relaxes again. "Okay, well, just stay in here until you feel calm enough to go to class." She says with a smile. "I'll call your first hour teacher. What class do you have?" Mobilt asks as though he doesn't already know. "I have Algebra with Shadis." I say to him. "Yikes, he sucks." He says casually. "Tell me about it, he yelled at Marco." I say as he dials. "Freckled angel?" He asks as he pull the phone to his ear. "Yeah, that's the one." I say and he nods. We gave him that nickname freshman year when he transferred for a small town outside of Rose. Everybody knows him for his sweet disposition and his very freckled face, therefore the name "Freckled Angel" stuck. Mobilt puts the phone down and sits on the couch across the room next to Hanji. "You should probably just lay down until the next class. Lord knows you don't wanna go to math now." He says to me and I follow his orders.

 

* * *

 

 

"Did you seriously freak out over Historia?" Jean asks as we walk to lunch. Why I chose to walk to lunch with him, even if Marco's with us, I don't know. Maybe Hanji's right, maybe I do have a concussion. "Can we please drop it?" I groan at him as we continue walking. "I just don't get it, I mean I get that your an idiot, but how can she scare you? She couldn't harm a fly? She's too good for you." He says to me and I roll my eyes. Sure, it's true, but I don't need him telling me that.

"Well, at least I don't look like a fucking horse." I say and Marco chuckles. "Hey! I thought you were on my side!" Jean yells exasperatedly. "I'm not on anybody's side." He says, but he winks at me just to piss Jean off, and he takes the bait. "I just don't know why that angel of a girl is dating you. If I was dating her..."

"Hey, get your own angel!" I yell, wanting to protect my girlfriend from the wheeling of Jean. "Gladly," he says and checks Marco out as we approach table, who then blushes darkly. "God, just go fuck each other already, but save it for after the game." I say and Jean chokes on his own spit as Marco's flush reaches his neck. I sit next to Armin and Historia, putting an arm around her as Armin shoots me a questioning look that I wave off. I don't need to get a lecture from him, thank you, I'd rather eat in peace.

I pull out my bag lunch from my bag and pull out my sandwich. I have lunch with Armin, Historia, her friend Ymir, Marco, and Jean the Horseface Kristein. Historia and Ymir have been friends for ages with a tight-knit relationship. They always partner up for projects, they hang out every weekend, the give each other pet names, so on and so forth. Ymir herself is... well, I'm not too fond of her. She's rude and abrasive, but she's nice enough to me, so I can't really complain too much. She's very tall and has squinty eyes and a lot of freakles. She's kinda of a female cross between Jean and Marco, much to my amusement.

Then there's Jean. We don't see eye-to-eye on... anything really. He's tall and lean, much like his abnormally long face. He has squinty eyes and a really shitty two-tone undercut that he obviously bleaches. He's the backup goalie and starting center-mid on the team. "Hey, so are we going to the 104th tonight after the game?" Marco asks as he recovers from his blush. "Yeah, that's the plan, right?" I ask Armin. "It's a Friday night game, so I assume so," he says and look around to see Erwin and Hanji walking by as I take a bite of my pb&j. He grabs Erwin's arm. "Hey, you guys are going to the 104th tonight, right?" He asks, using his big blue eyes on Erwin.

Erwin Smith is a bit of a god around here. He's gigantic: height, build, eyebrows, hands, probably dick, ect. Handsome guy, blue eyes and perfect blonde hair that never falls out of place. He's overly charming to the point I don't really know what to think of him: fake or not. He's first string right defense on our team, so we talk a lot, but it's normally game related. We chat sometimes during practice, but I think he's more content with checking Armin's ass out. He's bisexual according to Levi, but it's not public yet. He's waiting to see if there a boy that he'd be willing to come out for, and judging by the way he's looking at the boy next to me, he may have found him.

"Yes, I we are. Don't wanna miss karaoke night." He says as he continues to eye fuck Armin. "Okay, see you tonight." Armin says looking down with a smile as pink spreads on his cheeks. Erwin walks away and Hanji stays and wraps her arms around my neck and I nearly choke on my sandwich at the tight grip. "Hey, my fragile, little thing! Feeling better?" She says, leading to questioning looks from around the table. "Yeah, I'm good. Thanks Hanj." I say and lean my head back against her chin as an awkward replacement for a hug, but she didn't seem to mind.

She walks away as Ymir, Marco, and Jean's gazes lock on me. "Is everything okay, Eren?" Marco asks once Hanji is out of earshot. I look over to Armin and see the same question in his eyes. "Everything is fine," I say with a smile and Armin visibly relaxes. "What I'm wondering is if our little Ar Ar here is fine." I say and he gives me a questioning look as I finish up the sandwich. "W-what do you mean." He stammers with a glare, just daring me to bring it up. Dare accepted. "Don't you think Erwin's shirt fit him nice today? Or were you too busy looking at his pants." I say and Ymir lets out a bark. "My god, Muffin Top here is almost as sexually frustrated as those two," she's says taking her pointed finger from Armin to Jean and Marco, who all turns dark red. Historia elbows Ymir and I in the side as we start to laugh. "Be nice," she says, but she can't hold back the mirth in her voice. The warning bell rings as I hear Ymir's low murmur, but can't catch what she's saying. "Want me to walk you to class?" I ask Historia, who's blushing red. "Sounds great," she says quietly and we get ready to go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no regrets making Zackily the nurse, but I'm sorry if I spell his name wrong.


	3. Game On

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, time for the game! I honestly had so much fun writing this one, like, you have no idea. I just wanna say something so it doesn't become a problem. Levi is a very serious person, I just want to show how comfortable he feels with Eren, leading to this chapter. You see the deeper parts of their friendship in the next chapter or two, but this is basically fluff. BROMANCE FLUFF! Also, Rico is a boy. Sorry, I wanted to use her name for a soccer player, but it's a boys team, so... yeah! Haha, okay, enough of my rant. Enjoy!

"Who's ready for this?" Coach Pixis yells at us in the locker room. He's giving us our pregame speech to get us pumped to beat the Garrison. They come from Rose Academy, a snobby school in the city next to us. They're known for being irrationally cocky despite their many losses. They have skill, but their overconfidence makes them easy to take down. They play dirty, but not as dirty as our rivals, the Titans. The Garrison mostly just look down their noses at us. It's a winnable game as long as we don't get cocky like them. Plus we have first possession since we did the coin flip before we came in here.

We yell to Pixis as a response to his earlier question, rhetorical or not. "Let's get ready to win this! Line up in warmup formation!" He yells and we line up to leave the locker room and go to the field. Levi leads one line and I lead the other to the field, so we stand side by side at the door and wait for everybody to line up. "You boys ready?!" I yell behinds me and they pretty much roar back. "Tch, brats," Levi says with a smirk and turns to me.

"On three, Bright Eyes. One," he starts. "Two," I respond. "Three!" We yell together and run to the field. We run through the entrance in our two lines as music blares in our ears. We never really listen to serious pump up music, just stuff to make us happy and keep it upbeat. No one wants to be too serious, plus Pixis is anything but a traditional coach. Today, our first songs is Blank Space. We reach the sidelines and the two lines spilt, running around the field in opposite directions.

 

 

_Nice to meet you_ _Where you been?_

_I could show you incredible things_

_Magic, madness, heaven, sin_

_Saw you there and I thought oh my god_

_Look at that face, you look like my next mistake_

_Love's a game, wanna play_

_New money, suit and tie_

_I can read you like a magazine_

_Ain't it funny rumors fly_

_And I know you heard about me_

 

When we round the corner leading to us meeting at the opposite goal post, I see Levi mouthing along and he makes eyes contact with me as he sings over dramatically.

 

_So hey, let's be friends_

_I'm dying to see how this one ends_

_Grab your passport and my hand_

_I could make the bad guys good for a weekend_

 

He winks and me at the last part and I burst out laughing. Despite his stick-in-the-mud reputation, he's actually pretty goofy once you get to know him. Every game, we have our lip sync off since he helps me with my goalie warmups, and I'm gonna win today. We cross and make out way to our warmup goal post as Taylor continues to play through the speakers.

 

_Screaming, crying, perfect storms_

_I could make all the tables turn_

_Rose garden filled with thorns_

_Keep you second guessing like oh_ _my god_

_Who is she?_

_I get drunk on jealousy_

_But you'll come back each time you leave_

_Cause darling I'm a nightmare dressed like a daydream_

 

Once we reach our goal post, we circle up for a stretch. I stand next to Armin as we begin our stretches, starting with reaching to our right toe. "One!" Levi starts the counting, followed up by a half assed "two". I look at Armin and roll my eyes at the pathetic attempt. He laughs along with me before we help by screaming "four" along with them. We count the even numbers up to ten for awhile after until we finish all of our stretches. I pull on my gloves on as Levi grabs some balls for us to start. He's been assigned with helping me since he doesn't really need to warm up, plus he enjoys making me suffer with target practice. He comes to the net and puts two balls down, keeping one of them in his hands as I kneel down for the warm up. He throws the ball to the side and I fall to catch it. We continue this as Levi picks up his lip syncing. He pops his hip like a girl in complement to the satiric song.

 

_Got a long list of ex-lovers_

 

His eyes widen and he puts on a creepy smile as he continues

 

_They'll tell you I'm insane_

 

He goes back to normal and put a hand on his heart dramatically as he continues to mouth the song.

 

_Cause you know I love the players_

 

He points to me.

 

_And you love the game_

 

He dances as he continues to throw the ball to me.

 

_Cause we're young and we're reckless_

_We'll take this way too far_

_It'll leave you breathless_

_Or with a nasty scar_

_Got a long list of ex lovers_

_They'll tell you I'm insane_

_But I got a blank space baby_

 

He shrugs one of his shoulder quickly and points at me for the last line.

 

And I'll write your name

 

Then proceeds to throw the ball at my face. "Your turn Jaeger, and try to make it good this time. Your Anaconda was embarrassing." He says and backs up to kick another ball into my hands. I stand up and get ready for both the song and Levi's soft or bullet lift to my hands. It's a reaction warmup, but easy enough we can keep this going. As soon and I hear the intro, I know I can do this song. This one will be easy. It's a slightly extended intro so I have time to give a shit-eating grin to the man in front of me before I start. I sway my hips as I keep catching the balls he kicks and attempt to mouth seductively.

 

_She got a body like an hourglass_

_But I can give it to you all the time_

_She got a booty like a Cadillac_

_But I can send you into overdrive_

 

I awkwardly dance around for the little part in the middle of the verse before I point to Levi and sing the next part out loud.

 

_See anybody could be bad to you, you need a good girl to blow your mind, yeah_

 

I dance obnoxiously to the chorus, much to my team's amusement. They've all become fascinated by the fact that the normally stoic guy will willingly and publicly be a dork, plus I embarrass myself every time, so they really enjoy it. At this point I know they're all watching as we make idiots of ourselves. I point to Levi for him to take over the next verse. He pops his hip for the first part...

 

_She might've let you hold her hand in school_

 

Then rolls them forward for the next part.

 

_But I'mma show you how to graduate_

 

The whole team behind me "oh"s as he shakes his butt for the next part.

 

_No, I don't need to hear you talk the talk_

 

Then he kicks the ball at me hard and pops his hip again.

 

 

_Just come and show me what your momma gave_

 

He swings his body to the side and winks at me for the next part.

 

_See anybody could be good to you, you need a bad girl to blow your mind_

 

He dances around to the chorus, and unlike me, he looks good while doing it. He has a gracefulness about him I don't really understand. Nor does my body. Cause lord knows I could never move my pelvis in the slow roll he so easily does. It's almost funny to see some of the guys on the team check his ass out as he dances. Levi and I continue to warm up as the rap part comes on and a crazy little boy named Connie jumps behind Levi and starts to rap along perfectly, much to my enjoyment and horror.

 

_It’s Myx Moscato_

_It’s frizz in a bottle_

_It’s Nicki full throttle_

_It’s oh, oh_

_Swimming in the grotto_

_We winning in the lotto_

_We dipping in the pot of blue foam_

_Kitten so good_

_It's dripping on wood_

G _et a ride in the engine that could_

_Go, Batman robbin' it_

_Bang, bang, cockin' it_

_Queen Nicki dominant, prominent_

 

Connie starts to Dougie and the boys start to scream to him as he dances. I think the crowd is even cheering now.

 

_It's me, Jessie, and Ari_

_If they test me they sorry_

_Ride his cock, like a Harley_

_Then pull off in this Ferrari_

_If we hanging, we banging_

_Phone ranging, he slanging_

_It ain’t karaoke night but_

_Get the mic ‘cause he singing_

 

In that moment, I knew how I could win today. It's a stupid move, but it's new, so I might surprise him. I send a smirk and a wink to Levi.

 

_See anybody could be good to you_

 

I slide out on my knees to in front of Levi, lean back, and dramatically lip sync the last part

 

_You need a bad girl to blow your mind_

 

His eyes widen and jaw drops slightly in a silent chuckle and I know it worked. He puts up his hands and backs up. "You win this round, Jaeger." He says with a small smirk, leading the team behind him running up to me. "Yeah Eren!" Armin slaps my back with a giggle. "You actually beat him!" Marco says, laughing as well. I look to the bleachers to see Mikasa, Petra, Hanji, Mobilt, and our friends Annie and Sasha up on the stands screaming to us, except Annie, who's clapping with a small amused smirk, and Mikasa who decided to record this. They come to every game, so they know this is a regular thing. "Okay, three-on-two! Line up guys!" I yell to the team and they all line up for our final warmup drill.

Once we finish that drill, we line up for the National Anthem. We stand in a line and hold each other's left hand with their right from behind. "The National Anthem will be sang by Mikasa Ackerman." The announcer says into the microphone. Mikasa is an amazing singer, but was shy about it until Levi heard her singing in the shower. He sat down outside of the door and waited until she came out and made her sing. Since then, he's made sure she sings at all of our games.

She takes the mic in the booth on top of the bleachers and her beautiful voice rings through the air. Her voice is raspy, but not in a bad way, and strong, even through the shitty speakers. The people on the team all squeeze hands down the line until the song is over; then we just scream for Mika. "Okay, now it's time to announce our starters. For the Garrison, number 01, Rico Brzenska!" We clap twice for the players on the opposite team as they're announced. "...number 45, Ian Dietrich! And the Garrison's goalie, number 53, Mitabi Jarnach! Now to announce the starters for the Trees!" We all cheer obnoxiously at our terrible name. There's something about the Trees that just aren't intimidating. At all. Whatsoever. But it's nice for the element of surprise, I'll give it that.

"Number 00, Levi Ackerman!" He runs down the line and high fives the team, then fist bumps the refs, the shakes hands with the other coach, and repeat with the others. "Number 01, Armin Arlert! Number 10, Oluo Bozado! Number 11, Marco Bott! Number 14, Jean Kirstein! Number 15, Reiner Braun! Number 20, Bertolt Hoover! Number 21, Eld Jinn! Number 22, Gunther Schultz! Number 23, Erwin Smith! And last, your home team's goalie, number 25, Eren Jaeger!" The crowd roars as we're all announced. I high five my team as I run by, fist bump our refs, one being an old friend of my mom's, Hannes, who winks as our fists knock together, and go shake the hand of the other coach. He's tall and rather scary looking with his hallowed in eyes. "Good luck," he says with a tone that makes me second guess the meaning. "You too," I respond and run back to my team.

"Huddle up!" Pixis yells and we circle up with our hands around each other's shoulders or backs. "This is a very winnable game, we just have to put our mind to it. Get ready guys. Since we start with the ball, get the ball to Arlert and let him drive it, if you get stuck, pass to Ackerman. We can do it. Now put you hands in." He says and we all reach in. "Trees on three! One, two, three..." "Trees!" We yell and run to our positions on the field. Hannes walks slowly to the middle with the ball and drops it in front of Marco, our left forward.

What I always loved about playing goalie is that I can see the whole field from where I'm standing. It gives me a birds eye view of what to watch out for. When Hannes blows the whistle, Marco kicks it to Armin, who begins to weave through people. He's near their outside goal block when he gets stopped by a guy probably twice his size. The guy steps to steal the ball by Armin's left foot, but then Ar kicks it to his right and through the guys legs to Levi. Levi drives to the left while a huge ass defensive person comes from the right. Just as the guy reaches him, he quickly shifts to the right foot and drives that way. The defensive person guarding him tries to change directions with him, but keeps his weight on the wrong side and falls. Levi kicks the ball two steps in front of him, and just as the goalie runs to grab it, he kicks it to the top right corner, scoring our first goal. I look to the score board to see that we're only about a minute in. One they tip the ball, their center mid gets it. _Great, center is easy._ Erwin, Reiner, and Bert cover their forwards as their mid comes to drive. He sends me a cocky smirk as he reaches the outside goal block. He kicks it on the ground to my left side, thinking he just scored, turns around and walks to center field. But little does he know I've been working on my dive, so I lay out to the side and catch it above my head. I take the ball and run right next to him for my punt, and his face was priceless. I punt to to Jean, who drives it and in the last moment when their goalie slides, kicks it out to Armin who scores right into the center. That's when, not surprisingly, the other team calls a time out.

We run to our team and the people who were playing sit and get water. "Okay Eren, what did you see?" Pixis asks me. He says I see things others don't from the goal so leaves time outs to me. "Okay, middle back defense, the big guy? His balance is shit. Have Levi and Armin keep driving in on him and you'll have an opening since the goalie can't slide fast enough. Pretty soon they'll double team you guys which will leave Marco wide open. It might also be good to go back to Jean, Eld, or Oluo for a drive or a lob goal. Actually, Connie should probably sub in for Oluo. We don't need aggressive, we need fast and to to avoid confrontation. They'll get pissed soon then Oluo should play forward for Marco so he doesn't injure his bad leg. They only have one person they're comfortable with taking the ball to the net, you can tell by how the others just let themselves be covered, and his best move is bottom right, so leave him to me. You boys ready to win this?" I yell the last part and the boys all cheer back at me. "I can't hear you!" I yell back and they yell even louder. We circle up again and out our hands in. "Team on three! One, two, three..." "Team!" And we go back out to the field, but before I go back out, someone taps my arm and I turn to see Levi walking backwards to the field. "Seriously Jaeger, how do you do that?" He says. I do it cause I'm good at observing patterns. There's a specific reason I'm good at it, but I just smile back to him. "Years of practice."

 

* * *

 

 

We won the game 12-2. The two were scored on Jean, who hasn't perfected his dive yet. I go to the sides to see everybody who watched the game and Historia and Ymir. Historia runs up to me and hugs me, despite my sweat and mud covered body.

"I'm sorry I was late, Ymir and I were finishing up a project." She says to me. "It's fine. But you did miss he winning the sing off." I say, feigning hurt. "Really? You've never beaten Levi! He's normally just better at dancing than you." She says honestly. Yeah, I suck at dancing. "Yeah, but I used the element of surprise." I say and she giggles. I see someone walking over out of the corner of my eye and I look up, instantly terrified of the man I see.

He's tall with abnormally long hair and Harry Potter, small, beady eyes, and a mouth in a everlasting grimace. Grisha Jaeger. "I'll catch up with you." I say to Historia and meet my father half way. "Eren." He says while holding back anger already. _Shit, what happened?_ "Father." I say shortly. "So what was this I hear about a panic attack?" He gets right to the point. _Well fuck._ "It was nothing." I say looking down, not meeting his eyes. He grabs my arm roughly and digs his fingers into the flesh. To anyone else, this would look like a normal scolding father, but they don't smell the booze in his breath as he spits out at me. "We're going home. Now." He says and starts to pull me and I resist. "I have to go out with the team. I already promised." I say and he glares at me. "Well, then cancel with them." He says and I glare back. We stand there go a second before he starts to pull me again. Suddenly, there's another arm in front of me, stopping me from moving. "I'm sorry, Mr. Jaeger, but we need Eren tonight." Levi says next to me, face calm but his eyes screaming. "And I need him home." Grisha says and digs into my arm a little harder. "And he has a prior commitment that counteracts the sudden decision of his father." He says as he steps in between us and grabs my fathers arm. _What is he doing?_ "You'll have him back in the morning. I really don't see what the problem is." Levi continues through gritted teeth. _Damn, he's pissed._ Grisha glares daggers at Levi and then let's go of my arm, ripping his own from Levi's grip, then walks away. He grabs both of my shoulders and looks into my eyes. "You okay?" He says softly, all anger from before fading. My breath catches in my throat as my mind catches up to me. "Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" I choke out, looking down. I hear him sigh lightly as he holds me there for a little longer, then let's go. "Come on, let's get going." He says and walks away as I slow my breathing. _What just happened?_


	4. Karaoke Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So updates are just gonna come as I write them. I have finals next week and I'm trying to write as much as possible, so I don't know when I update next, but I'll try and make it soon. Like, next few days, but idk exactly. This chapter is much longer and the fluff continues. More bromance fun! Well... Bromance is one word for it I guess. So, I have plans and they will take awhile, so this will be long, but I don't how long. Also, I gave Sasha and accent. Little manga addition there. So yeah. Enjoy:)

I meet up with Armin in car. He left the top down today since it was warm and there was a low chance of rain. I sit down next to him and look into my lap, allowing myself to get lost in thought.

_Why did Levi stop my father? I mean, it's really not his business, so what made him do it? He's not one to make unnecessary conflict, so that was weird. Plus, Grisha is like twice his size. Levi may be strong, but he's shorter than me. By a lot. And what did he said I'm going back tomorrow? That wasn't part of the plan. Does he know? He couldn't possibly... could he?_

"Eren!" Armin yells, taking me out of my mind. "Are you okay dude? You just completely spaced out." He says, leaning forward to make eye contact with me.

"Yeah, I'm good." I say as I look across the parking lot to Levi's car. I find him already looking at me, but he instantly looks away when I look his way.

"What's up with him?" Armin asks, following my gaze to Levi.

"I'm not sure." I say and look over to Armin. He turns to eyes me skeptically.

"I really don't get you two sometimes." He laughs as he starts the car. I wait until he pulls out to keep talking, knowing his flustered tendencies.

"So, Erwin checked out your ass again today." I say to Armin and he chokes on his own spit.

"W-wha... funny Eren. I know you're kidding." He says with a heavy blush.

"I wish I was. Do you know how disturbing it is to see him gawk at you? I swear he could get off at you playing soccer." "

Eren!" He shrieks, blush traveling down his neck.

"Seriously though, why don't you two just get together. Your sexual tension is suffocating." I say and he groans loudly.

"Okay, like you're one to talk. What about you and Historia?" He asks, partly cruel but mostly curious.

"I don't know, I just haven't felt that way for her. It'll happen when it happens." I say to him. It's honestly a little weird if I'm being honest with myself. I mean, we've been dating for almost three years now and I haven't had so much a boner over her. But that can't be that unusual... right?

"She also told me that she'd be willing to wait." I tell him, feeling more confident in that fact.

"She's willing to wait? So she wants to do it?" He asks.

"Yeah, she wants to, but I just... haven't gotten that far yet." I say as I sink into my seat. So much for confidence.

"Just be careful. I don't want you getting hurt due to this." He says and I turn to argue, but then I see the look on his face, eyes are filled with worry.

"I'll be fine Ar." I say and pat his knee. When I told Historia I loved her, it was no little thing. She said she'd always love me and I said I'd always love her. Something in that moment made me realize this wasn't some passing thing. I kid about them being our "vows" and she laughed then kissed me. She said that she believed, in a way, they were. I know I could be happy with her for the rest of my life, but I know she could do better. Part of me still worries she will. Especially after she finds out.

We turn into the parking lot of the 104th and Armin grabs my bag and throws it at me. "You need to change dude, you smell like shit. I don't know why you have to wear a long-sleeved jersey." He says. Ah, yes, yet another perk of being goalie. Long-sleeved shirts without question.

"Like you're one to talk about smelling like shit. You better be changing too." I say as I move to get out.

"By the way, Grandpa is paying for dinner tonight. He gave me money for both of us." He says with a shy smile. He knows my dad isn't big on this "team bonding" thing, and his grandpa, being the sweet guy he is, helps me pay for me to keep going.

"You really don't need to." I say and Armin shoots me a "shut the fuck up dude" look and I look down. "Thanks." I say as we start to walk in.

"No problem, dude. Besides, after a game, you eat like you'll never see food again, which is worrisome and entertaining." He says with a chuckle and I shove his shoulder with mine.

"Yeah, yeah, let's go change, asshole." I say as we walk through the doors. We go straight to the bathroom and go to our own stalls. I strip myself of my uniform and pull out my clothes. I pull out my grey skinny jeans and wiggle into them. My legs aren't that sore anymore due to the fact I heal rather quickly, so I can do the skinny jean dance in my stall without falling. After I get those on, I grab a long, blue sweater and pull that on. I pluck my black lace up boots and fresh socks out of my bag and put them on.

Lastly, I get out a locket on a leather cord. It's a heart shaped one with the letters C, R, and P. Carla Rose Peterson, or, after marriage, Jaeger. My mother. I fasten it around my neck and slip it under my sweater, feeling the cold metal on my chest. Sometimes it's nice just to have a piece of her with me, despite everything.

I gather up my clothes and stuff them back into my bag. When I walk out of the stall, I go straight for the sink. As much as I love this place, it's not the most hygienic place you'll ever see. I wash my hands as Armin comes out of the stall. He's wearing a light pink v-neck, grey converse, and light wash skinny jeans that fit him like skin. Not a second skin, his first one. We walks up to the mirror and pulls his hair out of its ponytail from earlier. "How does you hair still look good after a ponytail and a soccer game?" I asks him and he looks at me with amusement in his eyes.

"Coming from the boy who didn't wear a hair tie and still looks perfect. Honestly, your hair is starting to come to your shoulders." He says and I look in the mirror. He's right, the bottom layers of my hair brush my shoulders and the front pieces fall as far as my nose. I guess I got used to it being in my face, cause there's a few strings covering my eyes.

"I could put it up, but I just like it down." I say and run my fingers through my hair.

"Whatever, let's get out there." He says as we turn to head out. The 104th isn't your typical diner. It looks like a club from the inside, but minus the alcohol and guards at the door. It's a lesser known place owned by our very own ref, Hannes, who took the place over from his father. It's a family business, pass down from years ago. Hannes renovated it and got a karaoke machine and since then, it's been the team's hang out. Well, the team and friends.

We walk out of the bathroom by the front door and walk to the long table at the side. Levi, Erwin, Hanji, Mobilt, and Petra are already seated when we come over. I sit next to Levi so Armin can sit next to Erwin on the other side. "Hey guys!" I say as I slide in, not missing the quick glare from Armin as I put my legs up next to me on the booth.

"Hey Eren! Your lip sync game was on point today!" Hanji says to me, pulling out her phone.

"Thanks Hanj, but I really didn't do much different than normal." I say to her as she harshly taps at her phone.

"Here, let me show you!" She says as she reaches across Petra and Levi to shove a phone up to my nose, leading to a death glare from Levi.

"I'd really rather not." I say and push the hand out of my face.

"But it was so funny and... OWW!" She's interrupted by Levi grabbing the front of her goggle like glasses and snapping them on her face.

"Leave the brat alone." He says, tone bored as he then picks up a menu.

"Aww, is Little Levi upset that he actually lost today. You know Mikasa also got your forfeit." She continues much to Levi's annoyance.

"Shut it Shitty Glasses. I really don't care about that as much." Levi says.

"What if he wins the sing off too? Then will Little Levi pout some more?" Erwin adds from across the table.

"Seriously? You too Eyebrows?" Levi says, looking a mix of pissed and offended. I can't stop the giggle from that comes from me at the almost childish response, and I can see that Armin and Petra are having similar problems. "Okay, now you guys are just trying to piss me off. Even the juniors are laughing at me." He says, voice laced with disbelief, but you can catch the slight amusement.

"Don't worry Levi, I think if anyone is gonna win tonight, it's gonna be Connie with his rapping." Petra says as she rubs Levi's arm. At this point, the whole table laughs.

The laughter gets even louder when we hear a voice from the door. "I heard my name! Don't wear it out!" Connie yells as he makes his way to the table.

Connie is a crazy motherfucker. He's known as the jokester of the school, and he easily lives up to that title. We stared joking that he looked like Aang from Avatar the Last Airbender due to his practically bald head, big eyes (although brown, not grey), and his goofy stuff. And who would be fit to be his Katara? A girl equally as crazy as him named Sasha Blouse, who's coming in with Connie's arm around her. She's a goofy girl who is always willing to get into trouble, especially when it comes to food. The auburn haired girl is very serious over her food. She also has big brown eyes, but she stands much taller than her boyfriend.

They walk over and sit next to me on the booth where my feet were. "Seriously though, what's up?" Connie says as he scoots in.

"We were just talking about your.. um... what's the word... amazing rap earlier." Mobilt says and we all laugh.

"Damn straight it was. Where is everyone else? I need to go from Nicki to Iggy now." He says.

"Tryin' to postpone their ears bleedin' for as long as possible." Sasha says and we all laugh, minus Connie.

"Oh babe, you know you love my raps." He says and leans in for a kiss, which she stops with a hand to his mouth.

"In your dreams, hun." She says and we laugh at their couple banter.

"Ya'll pick out a song yet?" Sasha asks. It's a tradition that we all pick out a song, whether we want to or not.

"I'm thinking I Will Survive. I might just win tonight." Erwin says with a smirk. I hear a rather loud groan coming from Levi and Hanji as I chuckle at the thought of the Erwin the Bass singing that.

"What about you Armin?" Petra asks with mirth over the two next groaning on either side of her. "I'm singing Hit Me With Your Best Shot." He says shyly.

"Classic," Mobilt says with a smile, reassuring Armin.

"What about you two?" Armin asks Levi and I.

"Stand Up by One Direction," He says and we all stare at him. "What?" He says, looking genuinely confused.

"And here I thought you were a hipster." Connie says in fake astonishment and Hanji laughs loudly.

"So, what about you, Eren?" Erwin asks.

"Um, I'm not sure yet, but I was thinking Never Say Never by..."

"Justin Bieber!" A high pitched voice shirks and we turn to see Mikasa with an overly dramatic fangirl smile on her face and bursts out laughing. Annie, who's standing next to her, smirks as they walk over to us and sit down next to Armin.

"God Eren, I thought you had better taste than that." Annie says, her face going back to its normal, indifferent look.

Annie is Mikasa's best girl friend. They're both similar in their limited emotions, but neither are by any means coldhearted. Annie is a very athletic girl, star of the volleyball team, and not afraid to throw a punch. She's beautiful with her short blonde hair and icy blue eyes.

"God, not Justin Bieber, the Fray." I say and Levi sighs next to me.

"You really had me worried there." He says with a hand on his chest. I laugh at the gesture and put a hand on his shoulder.

"Do you really have such little faith in me?" I say as I lean down with a pout. I'm holding back a giggle at the fact I have to lean down to eye level with him while sitting.

He covers his face with his hands. "Damnit, not the eyes. I'm a sucker for the eyes." He says and the whole table starts to laugh.

Just then, Eld, Gunther, and Oluo come into the restaurant. "What is happening and what did Eren do?" Eld says as they all walk over to the table. Oluo sits next to Petra and the other two sit next to him, hand in hand.

"He used the eyes." Levi groans through his hands.

"Oh boy, not this again." Gunther says with a small smirk.

Gunther is the front defense for our team. He has blackish brown hair that he keeps in a point, tan skin, and dark eyes. He's a rather serious guy when it comes to sports, but he has a soft spot for his friends and boyfriend.

His boyfriend, Eld, is a lighthearted kind of guy. He's really nice and cares about everybody. He kinda of looks like a hippie with his long blonde hair that he parts in the middle. He has light brown eyes, similar to Oluo's hazel eyes.

Oluo is a bit of an ass, not gonna lie. He is condescending and rude, but at least Petra can put him in his place. He has a painful obvious crush on her, to the point he'll do anything to please her. He has gone as far as to copy Levi to win her affections, failing at both winning her and his impersonation, not to mention the undercut that looks worse than Jean's. I think he probably means well, but he just rubs me wrong.

Levi looks up from his hands to Gunther with a questioning look. "What do you mean "this again"?" He asks.

"Well, Eren makes you go soft with his eyes." Eld says with a small smile.

"I'm not soft." Levi says, crossing his arms and slouching. I bust up laughing at the immature motion and he looks up at me with a betrayed face.

"I'm sorry, Levi, but you look like such a kid right now. Not to mention your height...."

I'm interrupted but him grabbing my collar and bringing me down to his level. "Wanna finish that, brat?" He says and pulls me close enough our noses are bumping.

"Is Levi trying to make out with my boyfriend again?" A little voice I know all too well comes from behind my head.

I glance back to see Historia and Ymir at the door. "Hey Historia! I'm trying not to die by being ripped apart by Levi." I say and he lets go of me with a smirk. I climb under the table (grabbing Armin's crotch while I'm at it, since he doesn't seem flustered anymore) and go to give her a hug as she giggle.

"Well I'm glad I could keep you from being killed." She laughs into my shoulder.

"He's scary for someone so tiny." I say and she giggles again.

"I swear to god, Jaeger..."

"Anyway, before I get murdered, did you see Bert, Reiner, Jean, or Marco?" I ask and sit down by Sasha to sit next to Historia.

"Bert and Reiner were talking to Hannes when we left and... umm..." Historia starts.

"Marco's finally riding the horse." Ymir finishes. Hanji bursts out laughing and the rest of us are left with either disturbed or amused faces.

"Good wording," Annie murmurs with a slight smirk.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Once everybody got here, Connie immediately started his karaoke version of Fancy that honesty scared the shit out of me. First off, how does he know all the lyrics? And second, how is it that he can act like a woman so easily? These are question I have but never wish to have answered. We moved from the table to the the floor by the stage to watch everybody sing.

"Okay, which one of you suckers are gonna follow that." Connie says into the mic as we all look around the room.

"Bert and Reiner will do it!" Mikasa yells from next to said men.

Bert and Reiner are that couple ever person wants to be. They've known each other for their whole lives. They have such different personalities that they compliment each other. Bert is shy and tends to sweat around people while Reiner is confident and like an older brother to everyone.Bert is sweet, a good guy to be around, and gives the best hugs due to his extremely tall self. He has green, gold eyes and brown hair. Reiner has blonde hair and gold eyes. He's shorter than Bert, but not short by any means.

"I don't think I could beat that," Reiner says and puts his hands up.

"Come on guys!" Erwin yells and we all back him up by screaming with him.

Reiner looks to a sweating Bert and shrugs.Bert smiles and looks up. "Yeah, we'll go." He says and we cheer them on. They walk up on stage. After typing on the computer, they walk up to the microphones. The music flow through the air and I can't hold back the laughter that comes at Reiner starts to sing the girl part.

 

 

_Summer lovin', had me a blast_

_Summer lovin', happened so fast_

_Met a girl crazy for me_

_Met a boy cute as can be_

_Summer days drifting away_

_To, uh oh, those summer nights_

 

 

We all yell the part that the chorus sings and they continue as I walk over to Mikasa. "Hey," she says with a smile on her face at the scene.

"Hey, you seem happy tonight." I say and she pulls her red scarf up over her nose.

"No more than usual." She says defensively and looks down.

"You're lying." I say and she sighs.

"Not right now." She says and I nod.

"I'll tell you if you spend the night tonight. Levi is having Petra over and said you and Armin could come too." She explains and my mind goes back to his conversation with Grisha.

_"You'll have him back in the morning. I really don't see what the problem is."_

Was he already going to do this? Or was it planned because of earlier. Either way, it would be stupid to go home at this point.

"Okay, sounds good." I say and turn back to the stage for the big ending. One question: How can Reiner sing that high? At the end of the song, we all cheer loudly for them.

"Next, I nominate Levi!" Reiner says into the mic and Levi rolls his eyes.

"You really want to hear me sing One Direction that bad?" He asks in amusement.

"Hear it? Dude I'm recording it. This is a big step for boy bands everywhere." He says and only slightly flinches at Levi's glare.

"Fine, whatever." He says and walks up on stage, leaning on the table with the computer on it. He finds the song and Mikasa grabs my hand and starts to walk to the stage.

"I really want to see this." She says and pulls out her phone.

"Shit, I can't believe I'm doing this." Levi says into the microphone and presses play. Armin comes next to me as Levi looks our way and starts to sing.

 

 

_From the moment I met you_

_Everything changed_

_I knew I had to get you_

_Whatever the pain_

_I had to take you and make you mine_

 

He looks down in a way that's almost shy as he keeps singing.

 

_I would walk through the desert_

_I would walk down the aisle_

_I would swim all the oceans_

_Just to see you smile_

_Whatever it takes is fine_

 

 

_So put your hands up_

_Cause it's a stand up_

_And I won't be leaving 'til I've finished stealing every piece of your heart_

 

I'm starting to think this song was a dare around the chorus because of how uncomfortable he looks. It sounds good, don't get me wrong. He has a a voice with a slight rasp and a range most people can't hit... at least can't hit well.

 

_I know your hearts been broken_

_But don't you give up_

_I'll be there yeah I know it_

_To fix you with love_

_It hurts me to think that you've ever cried_

 

He continues as everybody cheers at his rendition on the boy band song. His face is impassive, but in his eyes he hold so many emotions that I wonder why he's doing this: nervousness, fear, and to my surprise, relief. That is until his eyes meet mine as he sings the ending.

 

_Call me a thief_

_Cause you know your part_

_I'm only here_

_Because you stole my heart_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know how the new format is! I hope it helps:)


	5. The Basement

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a snowday today, so I thought I'd post a short chapter. It's a backstory, that's why I slip in and out of past tense. I really hope you guys like it!

Levi was adopted into the Ackerman home halfway through his sophomore year, a little after I started dating Historia. It was an abnormally fast process and not even Mikasa knows why. He was a lot different back then. He was shy, and when he did talk, it was sharp comebacks that were always offensive. I knew something made him this way, but it's hard to help when he pushed everyone away.

So, whenever I'm at a sleepover, I don't sleep. I heard a guitar coming from the basement, so I went to investigate. I came down and saw him playing, eyes closed and swaying. When I sat down on the couch with him, he jumped off the couch and put the guitar down.

"What the fuck? Ever heard of knocking or anything?" He said while pacing.

"Sorry, I didn't know I had to knock to come to the basement." I said and he eyed me skeptically.

"Why are you awake?" He asked.

"I should ask you the same thing."

"I asked first."

"I couldn't sleep, you?"

He sat down again and put his head in his hand."Yeah, same here." He said quietly.

"Well, go on." I said and he shot me with a questioning look. "Play again." I said and he shook his head.

"I don't like to play for people." He said and looked at the guitar.

"You know you can trust me, Levi, right?" I asked and his head snapped over to me. That's when I saw it for the first time. The steel in his eyes had flecks of sky blue. We look at each other for awhile until he picks up the guitar.

"I swear to god, if you laugh..."

"I won't." I said and he sighed. He put his hands on the string and closed his eyes.

He picked at the strings so precisely, I wondered why he thought I would laugh. After a few seconds, I realized what song he was playing. I didn't think he would play me a song, let alone sing, but he did.

 

 

_White lips, pale face,_

_Breathing in snowflakes,_

_Burnt lungs, sour taste,_

_Light's gone, day's end,_

_Struggling to pay rent,_

_Long nights, strange men,_

 

He sang the song with such emotion, I had to wonder what the song meant to him.

 

_And they say,_

_She's in the Class A Team,_

_Stuck in her daydream,_

_Been this way since eighteen,_

_But lately her face seems,_

_Slowly sinking, wasting,_

_Crumbling like pastries,_

_They scream,_

_The worst things in life come free to us,_

_And we're all under the upper hand,_

_Go mad for a couple grams,_

_And we don't want to go outside tonight,_

_And in a pipe we fly to the motherland?_

_Or sell love to another man,_

_It's too cold outside?_

_For angels to fly,_

_Angels to fly,_

_To fly, fly,_

_For angels to fly, to fly, to fly,_

_For angels to die._

 

 

He set down the guitar and put his head in his hands. After a moment, I realized his shoulders were shaking. I moved closer to him and put my arm around him, but he pushed it away and moved further down the couch, glaring at me, tears coming from his eyes.

"Levi, please, trust me." I say and his steel eyes softened. He brought his legs up to his chest and cried a real, audible cry and when I knelt facing him and put my hand on his knee, he didn't push me away. He cried every tear I knew he was holding back. He wept and eventually put his legs down, crossing them, leaving his head to hang.

I picked it up by his chin and wiped the tears with my thumb. He looked up at me with his eyes unguarded and that's when I felt it. My heart slamming in my chest. The overwhelming sense to protect this boy. To love this boy. But I had a girlfriend and he was probably straight so I pushed that to the side. _I'll get over it, right?_

I remember the way he leaned forward and put his forehead against mine. How we sat there for probably hours, just being together, staring into each others eyes. How it felt to feel so at peace with someone. And how eventually he put his head on my shoulder and fell asleep with a small smile.

After this, Levi put in a real effort to not push everyone out of his life. He made friends, started actually agreeing to hangout with Erwin and Hanji, joined soccer, and got a girlfriend. We always met up in the basement when ever I stayed over and we became friends. We always keep the memory of that first night when he opened up in ways I don't think I fully understand to this day.

I never told anybody about that night.

And neither did he.


	6. Define "Sleep"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO I CRIED AFTER THE MANGA UPDATE. LIKE HOLY SHIT. THAT WAS SO SAD. No spoilers to those who don't read it, but despite the fact I didn't want it to happen, this side of Eren was a headcannon of mine and I'm SO SAD I WAS RIGHT. Anyways, on a happier note, sleepover party!!! Whoop whoop! I don't even know right now... I'm making this one shorter than intended cause I'm finishing up another part right now, so I'll probably update tomorrow. So, enjoy. (No smilie face, only cry face :,( Not smiling from that manga chapter.)

I open the shotgun seat for Mikasa before going to the backseat and plopping down in the back seat. _Levi wasn't singing that for me? Was he? He doesn't like me that way... right? No. He has a girlfriend. I have a girlfriend. Then why does the thought of him still make my heart beat so fast?_

We get to Mikasa's house and immediately go to the living room as Levi and Petra go upstairs and we grab out usual blankets and pillows from a pile on the corner of he room. Kenny stopped moving them cause we come over frequently enough.

We lay down with each other's, our heads on each other's stomachs. We normally lay like this before we get into talking about deep shit. I'm a little anxious to see what Mikasa has to say, but she decides to talk about something else instead.

"So, how's Historia." She asks and I sigh. The whole night at the 104th, whenever I tried to hang out with her, she was always talking or laughing or just being with Ymir.

"I don't know. I'm worried she's getting bored with me. We used to be so in sync, now I'm surprised when she pops up behind me. Plus she's always with Ymir so I don't get to see her. I don't know, maybe I'm overthinking this." I say and turn my head sideways on Mikasa's stomach. "Anyway, enough sad stuff, what's up in the world of Mika?" I ask and hear Armin shift.

"Did something happen in choir?" He asks and I feel her heart beat fast.

"Well... I don't know how you guys will react when you find out." She says quietly and it makes my heart ache.

"Mika, you know, whatever it is, we'll be okay with it." Armin says and I nod.

"Okay. So... I... um... like Annie." She says and Armin's hands shoot up.

"I knew it!" He says and I laugh at the way her tummy moves as she gasps.

"But... how?" She asks, confused yet calm for the situation.

"Cause you're skin is slightly darker around her which is as close to a blush as you get." Armin says and Mikasa slaps his knee.

"I've noticed that too. You turn pink." I say and she groans.

"So, you're gay?" I asks and she chuckles.

"There's no getting past you, Eren." She says and Armin laughs while I pout on her stomach.

"I know I'm dumb, don't rub it in." I say and she rubs my hair.

"Calm down. You're stupidity is endearing." She says and I can hear the smile in her voice.

"And what about you, Armin? You spent most of the night with Erwin." I ask and I feel the heat come from his head that's probably a blush.

"Well, um, he kissed me tonight." He says and Mikasa and I shoot up, effectively pushing him off my stomach and onto my thigh.

"Finally!" I yell and his blush turns darker. "How was it?" Mikasa asks. Armin swallows before look at my leg and tracing circles absentmindedly on it.

"He's very good at it. It was really slow and sweet and I had to go on my tiptoes." He says with a smile.

"That's so cute," I say and lay back down on Mikasa, who looks down at my with an amused smile.

"Eren, sometimes I wonder just how straight you are." She says and I laugh.

"Honey, I'm not straight. My first crush was a guy." And my third, I think to myself. She lays back down on Armin and sighs.

"So, Armin has a new boy toy, I have a crush on a girl, and Eren is confused about his relationship. Is this some kind of soap opera?" Mikasa asks and Armin and I laugh.

"Yeah, Ar will become an mad scientist, Mikasa will have an evil twin, and I'll end up with Mika's long lost cousin." I say and we all laugh.

"But, we'll all live happily ever after." Armin says and I feel my stomach twist. _Happily ever after. People like me don't live happily ever after._

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

I go to the basement after Mikasa and Armin fall asleep. Levi isn't down here yet, so I pick up his guitar and start playing. He taught me basic chords after awhile of us hanging out. It's a bit after 1 in the morning, so I know he won't be that long. Petra falls asleep quickly. I laugh at the song that come to my head as I think of the time. _Of course._ My hands find there place as I close my eyes and strum. I make a short intro before I begin to sing.

 

 

_Picture perfect memories_

_Scattered all around the floor._

_Reaching for the phone 'cause_

_I can't fight it anymore._

 

Then I hear a voice behind the couch start to sing the harmony and know just who's coming down the stairs.

 

_And I wonder if I ever cross your mind?_

_For me it happens all the time._

 

He sits next to me on the couch and crosses his legs as he continues to sing with me.

 

_It's a quarter after one,_

_I'm all alone and_

_I need you now._

_Said I wouldn't call but_

_I've lost all control and_

_I need you now._

_And I don't know how_

_I can do without._

_I just need you now._

 

I nod my head to him to take over the next verse and he looks at me and smiles.

 

_Another shot of whiskey,_

_Can't stop looking at the door._

_Wishing you'd come sweeping in_

_The way you did before._

 

We continue to sing in harmony until the bridge. We look into each other's eyes in unspoken agreement as we sing it.

 

_Guess I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all._

 

We finish up the song and I put the guitar down. I look over to Levi as I lean into the couch. "Hey." I say quietly, despite the fact it's unneeded.

"Hey." He breathes back with a smile.

"Good game today." I say, worried about him bringing up a central conversation from earlier.

"Thanks, you too." He says to me moves so he's sitting sideways, facing me.

"They really sucked." I say with a small laugh.

"Yeah, the Garrison is kind of known for that though." Levi says. I let the silence fall, hoping that it wouldn't be broken, but since it's Levi, he brings up the one thing I want to avoid like the plague.

"So, your father seems like a grade a asshole." He says and look down.

"Um, I guess." I say quietly.

"Is everything okay with that?" He asks, worry lacing his voice.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I say. It's kinda of my default response at this point, but part of me knows Levi knows something's up. He puts his hand over mine and I look up at him.

"Just know you can tell me anything." He says as he laces our finger together. I can tell Levi needs to sleep, the dark circles under his eyes have become more pronounced. I put my arm around him and he leans into my shoulder.

I just want to say, I've never cheated on Historia, Levi and I just have a very close relationship. Nothing has ever gone past holding hands or cuddling, as weird as all this may sound. I know without it having to be said that Levi doesn't sleep well, but he always falls asleep if he's with me, so I don't argue it when he slips one arm around my waist and squeezes my hand.

When I notice he's starting to drift off, I kick my legs up and lay down and he lays his head on my chest, looking at our hands. He pulls them up next to his face when I realize what he's looking at.

"You're fine, huh?" He says as he pulls my sleeve down to reveal thin scars going up my arm.

"Talk, Jaeger." He says as he begins to trace them with his fingers.

"Sleep, Ackerman." I say and he rolls his eyes. "Seriously, tell me the last time you slept a full night." I say and he sighs.

"Last time you were over." He mumbles and I pull my sleeve up with the arm that's around him.

"Exactly. Now sleep." I say as I use the arm around him to play with his hair. He leans into my fingers like a cat and I have to hold back a giggle.

"Goodnight Bright Eyes." He says as he grabs my hand again.

"Goodnight Levi." I say. I stay awake as his breath evens and he falls asleep.

As I lay there with him, I let my mind wander to everything. _What's gonna happen to Historia and I? What happens when I go home tomorrow? And why can't I breathe as Levi nuzzles into my chest?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CALL ME CHEESEY ALL YOU WANT. I LIVE FOR FLUFF.


	7. Wake Up Call

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this chapter marks the end of the Intro Arc. Kinda of. It's gonna get darker form here on out. Just a warning for all ya'll. I had fun with this chapter cause Levi is a cute little midget. So tell me your thoughts! Enjoys the happiness for now tho:)

"They do this every time." I hear Armin say behind the couch. I close my eyes so he doesn't see I didn't sleep.

"It's kind of cute." Petra says, I can hear the laugh in her voice.

"Yeah, but they're like brothers to me. It's just odd." Mikasa says and Armin and Petra laugh.

"So, who should wake them up?" Petra asks and there's a moment of silence.

"You should Petra. You're gentle and Armin's bed head is actually scary." Mika says and I hear a light slap, probably playful. Suddenly, there's someone poking my arm, and if the groans next to me are anything to go by, Levi's too.

"Hey guys, wake up." Petra says lightly and I fake sleepily open my eyes. I look up at Petra and smile.

"Mornin'," I say and she smiles down to me and Levi pulls me closer from the arm he snaked around my neck in his sleep.

"Sorry." I mouth to her and she laughs.

"Oh, hun, I'm just happy he's getting sleep. But I think Mikasa is going to make breakfast, so if you want some, maybe we should leave him here." She says and I nod. Slowly, I untangle myself from Levi and put a pillow in his empty arm, which he then squeezes tightly.

"Damn, you should be happy you weren't still there." Armin says with a chuckle and we all laugh lightly. We get upstairs to the Ackerman Family Kitchen. It's a yellowish-gold color with white crown molding with matching eggshell cabinets. There's a small kitchen ares that flows into a dining space that we rarely use when over. Between the two is a peninsula attached to the hardwood counters with three bar stool. There's a sliding door behind the table and a window above the sink where you can see the rain come down from the bleak grey skies that oddly enough, makes me feel at peace.

Petra and Armin sit down at the kitchen island and I got to where Mikasa is standing in front of the fridge and put my chin on her shoulder. "Want some help cooking?" I ask and she cracks a smile.

"Sure, you make the pancakes and coffee, I'll make the bacon." She says and starts pulling out ingredients.

"Sounds good." I say and walk over to the cupboard to pull out the coffee and filters. I get out the filter cup and empty it, then put another paper in and place it back into the machine. I measure out 6 tablespoons of coffee and dump them all into the filter and take out the pot. I go to dump that out as I hear the stove start to sizzle and phones vibrating.

"Hey, Mika? When do we have to be home by?" Armin asks and she shrugs.

"Ask Kenny when he comes down. It'll be as soon as he smells coffee." She says and I laugh.

"Classic Kenny." I say as I pour the water I got from the pot into the coffee maker. I turn on the machine and turn to get a pan from the cabinet. I set it on the stove and bump Mikasa's shoulder with mine as I turn it on, leading to a small smirk and a slap on the ass from her. I get a big bowl from the cupboard by the sink and go to the pantry to get the flour, sugar, baking powder, salt, and bananas, the aroma that the dark beans produce in the air. Then I go to the fridge and grab the eggs and milk and put them in the counter with the others. When I start to dump the ingredients and mix them, I hear steps coming down the stairs.

"Hey kids." Kenny says as he goes to get a cup, dressed in a suit and his fedora.

"Wait." He's says and counts us. "There's only four kids here and only one of them are mine. Where's Levi?" He asks.

"Still asleep." Armin says and Kenny lets out a bark laugh.

"Of course he is, Jaeger's here. I don't know what you do to that boy, but feel free use your sleep powers anytime." He says and continues to look for a mug.

"Will do," I say with a laugh and set my whisk down in the sink. I start to pour the batter as a sleepy voice comes up behind me.

"Good lord, did I wake up in a fucking Jack Johnson song?" He says and Mikasa laughs. He stands in the doorway with a oversized black sweater and grey pants that cover his feet. His eyes look brighter than usual despite the fog of sleep. His hair sticks up in weird places, leaving a very messy bedhead behind. He stand there with the pillow held to his stomach, even as he moves to the cabinet. _God, he's adorable. Wait._

"That depends, are you going to get your guitar and actually play for us?" Mika says and bumps him with her hip as he goes to get a cup.

"Yeah, Levi, I haven't heard you play in ages." Petra says and pouts. Armin scoots closer to her and pouts as well and I let out a chuckle at the overly cute picture.

"Good, guilt trip me. I see how it is. Just let me get some damn coffee, if Kenny would ever move his ass." He says and Kenny smirks.

"Yes, my pride and joy, my adopted son who gives me happiness. You can get your coffee when I'm done. Some of us have to work today, you little shit." He says and Armin, Mikasa, Petra, and I laugh at the interaction.

"Hard to believe you're not actually related sometimes." Mikasa says and faces the bacon as Kenny and Levi turn to each other, the former smirking lightly and the latter glaring harshly.

"I wonder too." Kenny says and rubs Levi's already messed up hair. "Gotta go to work. Stay as long as you want, I couldn't give a shit, just don't trash the place." He said with his hand raised in a wave as he leaves the room. Levi pours himself a cup of coffee and sits at the island next to Petra, kissing her cheek in the process. I flip the pancake I have in the pan as Mikasa finishes the bacon. She makes it slow, but it always turns out perfectly crispy, but not overdone.

As Levi sits and drinks his coffee, still holding his pillow, Armin moves from his chair. "You want coffee?" He asks Petra and she nods. At this point, we all know how the other takes their coffee. Levi drinks it black, Armin has two creams and two sugars, Petra likes cinnamon in hers, Mikasa has a little sugar, and I drink it with one cream. Armin get coffee for all of us despite that he only asks Petra and when he puts mine down next to me, I pick him up in a hug.

"Aw, what a cute little house wife. Erwin will be so happy." I say as he squirms.

"Bitch please, you're the one that cuddles in your sleep and makes the pancakes." He says as he slips out of my arms.

"Erwin loves a guy with fire." Petra says with a wink to Armin and Levi groans.

"Fire? Try a good ass. I mean, he stares at it during drills. Even I'm not that dense." Levi says and Armin squeaks as he sits back down, nearly knocking over his coffee.

"That too. That little noise you make is adorable." Mikasa says I Petra and I laugh at the shade of red his face is.

"You guys are cruel." Armin says as he covers his face and we all "aww" at him, making him squeal again and Mikasa smirks.

"Well, Erwin will be happy he's a loud one."

"Mikasa!"

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

After a morning of pancakes, cheesily fitting music, and just hanging out, it was time to go home. Levi wanted to drive me home, so we left at the same time as Armin and Petra. It's not that far away, actually it's like walking distance, but Levi wanted to drive me so here we are, pulling into my driveway. "Are you okay?" He turns to me and asks.

"Yeah," I say, not meeting his eyes but feeling his stare on me.

"Thanks for the ride, Levi." I say as I grab my backpack and sports bag from the back. Before I can leave, he grabs my arm.

"Just... call me if you need anything." He says with worry and something else I can't describe in his eyes.

"I will, thanks." I say and leave the car. Said car stays until I unlock the door to my house and enter hell. 


	8. The Tides Turn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, you guys get a very long chapter cause idk what I can do for you guys this week. So, I'm starting my changing POV now, so that'll be fun, plus I'm moving something pretty fast. I'm adding something into this and so I wanted to make Levi's side move along a bit more. Also BIG TRIGGER WARNING. LIKE SELF HARM, ABUSE, AND RAPE. That is your warning. I'm sorry if that bothers ya'll, but it's pretty important to the plot. I made it ally bit more detailed so I don't have to be that detailed until a certain part, so it won't always be that bad. I also didn't add too much assumed dialogue cause I'm just not gonna make it worse than it has to be for this chapter. So, enjoy...?

Eren's POV

 

I walk in to the immediate sound of snoring. Loud, obnoxious snoring. Typical. I walk carefully, trying not to make any sounds as I make my way to my bedroom. I turn the doorknob fully before shutting the door again. I silently take of my shoes and use my socks to slide on the hardwood to the carpeted hallway. As soon as I make it to the hallway to the stairs, I speed up, which I instantly regret as I trip. 

I get my footing back then listen for the snoring. It isn't there. Instead, there's a pissed off Grisha Jaeger stand in the hallway. "Welcome home, son." He says with a scowl. "Hey there." I say, not meeting his eyes. He strides towards me and turn to go up the stair, but am brought to the floor instead after a swift kick to the back of my knees.

He pick me up by the collar of my shirt from yesterday and slams me face first against the wall. "Listen here you ungrateful bitch, when I tell you to come home, you come home." He says as he pulls me back and shoves me back again. "You're so pitiful, you don't even fight back." I should fight back. You can't win unless you fight. But I already lost. I don't resist as he twists my arm painfully. He won't break anything. That'll raise suspicion.

"Look at you, you worthless piece of shit. You're nothing." He twists my arm move and I fall to the floor to prevent breakage. He kicks me one more time before he spits on me. "It should've been you." He says as he goes to his room, slamming the door. You're right. It should've been me.

I move to my room and lay on my bed, unable to feel anything. Numb. _Just like her._ I don't deserve that. To be protected by the numbness. I put my phone on my nightstand before I walk into the bathroom and turn on the shower. I sit down in it and grab the shampoo. I rub it into my hair. I scrub my scalp as the soap is spread and rinse. There's a hallow feeling in my chest as I reach for my razor.

I put it on my arm and push in into my skin, letting the bite cause a pain I can control. Yeah, that's right, I can control it. I lay there as the heat engulfs me, when suddenly there's a new heat on my face. A salty heat. I'm crying. Oh. I rub my eyes as I turn off the water. I haven't slept since Thursday night and Grisha is leaving any minute now. I listen for the familiar sound of the garage door opening under my room before I move to get out of the shower.

I wrap my bleeding arm before slipping on a red shirt and black pants. I lay down and listen to the sweet sound of the door shutting as I hear my phone buzz. I reach to my night stand and look at the screen to find a text from Levi.

From Levi- hey, just wanted to see if you're alright.

I shoot a quick "I'm fine," back before I let sleep take me to its dark abyss.

 

Levi's POV

 

I'm not an idiot. "Yeah, I'm fine"? Bullshit. It would take someone blind to not see the pure fear on Eren's face when everhe goes home. I watch as Eren slowly closes the door before pulling out of his driveway. It's a quick drive home, so I keep the same shitty radio station on. We live in a pretty nice subdivision. It's actually a small island in the lake in out town, so you have to cross a bridge to come or go. Mikasa, Kenny, and I live about three streets down.

As soon as I pull into our driveway, I take out the keys and go inside. I open the door and go to the living room where Mika is folding blankets and watching one of the many crime shows that she likes. I sit down on the couch and listen to the sound of gunshots and moving fabric. After awhile, Mikasa lays down and puts her legs over mine.

"If you keep scowling at the tv, your face will freeze." She says, making my realize I was glaring at nothing.

"Yeah, you're right." I say with a fake chuckle and lean back.

"Well, that was a pitiful recovery. What messed you up?" She asks as she sits up, legs sit draped over mine. The nice thing about Mikasa is that I don't have to worry about her keeping a secret. She keeps quiet as a mouse when she wants to be, and she's really trustworthy. Maybe I should see what she knows about this.

"What do you think about Grisha?" I ask and her face goes white. _Shit, that can't be good._

"Don't get involved, Levi. It won't work." She says, tone carrying a pain that it didn't have before.

"Why not? What's so bad about him?" I ask and Mikasa sighs.

"That's the thing, I never found out. I just had a gut feeling about him." She says, staring ahead.

"So do I." I say and her head snaps over to me.

"You've met him?" She asks and I nod.

"Yeah, he came by the soccer game and we... said some things." I say and she facepalms.

"Okay, listen. After Carla died, something happened to Eren. At first, he would lash out, just always be pissed, then one day he just collapsed during school. Everything was different after that. It was like he was normal, but there was no fire in his eyes. You can still see it sometime, but it's fading." She says with sadness in her voice.

"And that's Grisha's doing?" I ask and she nods.

"Pretty sure." She says and I pull out my phone to shoot him a quick text checking in.

"What happened to Carla?" I ask and I see a tear go down her face. I pull her legs to bring her to me for me to hold her. It's not a bad cry, just tears coming down from her violet eyes.

"We don't know." She starts, voice clear, but breaking. "I think I have a few ideas though." She says and looks to me with fierce eyes. She's pissed. And not at me. And that worries me all the more.

 

Eren's POV

 

I sleep through the night before I wake up more tired than before. Picking up my phone, I check the time. 1:49 pm. Great, the day's halfway over. I set my alarm on my phone and check my text messages.

 

 

From Historia- Hiii, wanna meet up after soccer 2morrow?

 

From Armin- Hey dude, I need your help.

 

 

From Levi- I really don't believe you.

 

 

_Well, none of those are cryptic._ No, not at all. I shoot Historia a "sounds great!" and go to answer Armin.

 

To Ar- Okay, what's up?

 

 

Then I go to answer Levi. My fingers hover over the keyboard as I think of a response he won't question.

 

To Levi- Just trust me, I'll be fine.

 

Almost immediately after I send the text, Armin answers.

 

From Ar- I think Erwin just asked me out.

To Ar- WHAT?! I NEED DETAILS DUDE!!!

From Ar- Well, I ran into him while I was at the store, so we ended up shopping together and just talking. At the end, he asked if I wanted to do something next Saturday.

To Ar- Dude, that's so cute.

From Ar- No homoXD

To Ar- Very homo. Except I have a date tomorrow...

From Ar- Haha, well, I'm gonna need your help on Saturday. Is it safe to say we're probably going to Mika's house?

To Ar- Yeah, I'd say it is. Shit, what should I wear tomorrow?

From Ar- Your black jeans. You ass looks great in those.

To Ar- I'm a little worried you know this.

From Ar- What, best friend can't check each other's asses out?

To Ar- No.

From Ar- THEN I GUESS WERE NOT BEST FRIENDS.

To Ar- Bullshit, you need me to help you for your date.

From Ar- Shit, I forgot.

 

I laugh at my phone until another text pops up.

 

From Levi- It's not you I don't trust.

 

I get he's trying to help, but this is getting annoying. He doesn't get it. He doesn't get I deserve this. And I need to get him to stop. So that's why I write back with a pain in my chest.

 

To Levi- Thank you for caring, but this isn't any of your business.

 

Levi's POV

 

I'm sitting on my bed when I get the text. About five seconds after, I'm not. Not my business? God, he can be so damn dense sometimes! But, to be honest, is it? Why does it feel like it is? Why do I feel the need to make sure he's okay? And why can't I sleep without him next to me? I'm fucking exhausted. I mean, I know it's cause I trust him, but why?

I walk into Mikasa's room and flop on her bed. "I need your help." I say with my face muffled in the pillow.

"Sure, what's up?" She says and starts to play with my hair. I lean into her hand to get her to continue and she laughs.

"So... how did you realize you liked Annie?" I ask and her hand stops.

"How did you..."

"It's obvious and I could tell you figured it out by Friday. She likes you too, don't worry, not tell me." I say and I hear a choke-like noise.

"W-well, I just realized I was way too worried about her. How she was doing in volleyball, why she was home sick, stuff like that." She says and look up to see her smiling as she quietly continues. "Then I just realized the little think I love about her. Like how she shows emotions in her eyes, her messy buns, how she isn't afraid to speak her mind..." She trails off and look down at me. "Why do you ask?" She asks, suddenly suspicious.

"No reason." I say and she looks at me out of the corner of her eye.

"I don't believe you. Talk." She says and I sigh.

"I don't think I like Petra anymore." I say and she laugh. Like. A full on, belly griping crack up.

"Oh, Levi, you never did." She says and I stare at her in confusion. "In all honesty, you two were never that into each other. You're great friends, but I can tell you don't really like her like her." She says and I'm still in my state of just not understanding. "I'm not stupid, I saw your turning point. It was the same point you became friends with Eren. You actually have Petra the time of day romantically after you found out about Historia. Plus the fact you worry about him constantly, you embarrass yourself every soccer game, and you can only fall asleep if you're in his arms. If you haven't at least thought about it, you're an idiot, and I'm pretty sure you're smarter than me, so that's not it." She says and I gape at her. I just stare with my mouth open slightly for probably about a good minute or two before I trust myself to say anything.

"Are you saying I like Eren?" I ask, still needing clarification.

"No, I'm not. I'm saying you're in love with Eren." She says and I turn to stare at the ceiling. In love? No, it can't be. Can it? I think about all the times I've been with him. How comfortable I feel with him. The way his hand feel in mine. The way his eyes match the ocean with depths just the same. How he looks when he lip syncs to me at our soccer games. That first night, the first time I could trust anyone in such a long time.

"You're smiling." Mikasa says above me and I look to her to see her shit eating grin. I put my hand over my mouth and feel the way it turns up at the corners.

"Shit." I say as I get up and leave.

"Levi, it's really not..."

"No Mikasa. I can't do this. Not again." I say as I walk out of her room. I run down the stairs and grab my keys before running outside to my car. I sit down and breathe. Not again. Never again. I pull out of the parking lot and take the long way out of the neighborhood so I don't pass his house. I speed down the main road to get to the school and park next to the soccer field. I hop the fence and lay down in the grass, letting myself get lost in my thoughts.

 

Eren's POV

 

I finish washing the dishes just in time to get some homework done. As I go to grab my backpack from and go upstairs, I hear a door slam. I drop my back and turn to see Grisha at the door. "Hi. I'm just gonna go..." I trail off as I start to go upstairs. Just make it up there and your home free. But he meets me there and stops me with a kick to the back, making me fall forward.

I catch myself on my hands, but fall as I feel a familiar slash no my back. The searing pain spreads slings my skin as he does it again and again. I'm unable to do anything but bring my hand to my mouth as he yanks down my pants, underwear with it. He puts the belt around my hips and there's almost no time before he starts fucking me dry. My back hunches uncomfortable at the sudden intrusion as he roughly slams in and out of me. The pulling of dry skin against my unstretched hole thankfully is helped by the blood coming from me. I sit there biting my hand until skin breaks as my walls get torn apart, if they're not already torn to begin with.

When it's finally over, Grisha pulls out and dizzily goes back to the couch to pass out for the night. I flip onto my back and feel blood drip out of me. I need to shower. But I can't stand. I use my hand to pull myself up by the railing of the stairs. I lean on it heavily as I heave myself up the stairs. I go into my room and lock the door. I walk to my bathroom, knees ready to give in and collapse.

I turn on the shower and manage to get myself in, immediately grabbing the soap. I start with my hips as I wash the feeling of grim and filth off of them. I scrub at them until they are raw, a small bit of pain left behind. Then, I grab a baby wipe and put my finger in my ass. Two things I'm lucky about is that I heal extraordinary fast and Grisha always uses a condom, cause I can't even think about what would happen if he didn't. I clean it enough that I know the blood will stop soon and sit there for awhile. Here I am, hips almost bleeding, wrist red, butt actually bleeding, and who knows about my back. I know that will scar, and it's probably bleeding. I turn off the shower and crawl out of the shower. I pick up my shirt from before and feel the red liquid come onto my hand from it. Well, at least it was a red shirt. I go and find another shirt before crawling into bed, not caring about my sheets at this point. So much for getting homework done I think with a laugh as sleep takes me prisoner.

 

Levi's POV

 

"So, Mikasa called." Erwin says as he lays down next to me.

"And she said you freaked out about being in love?" Hanji says as she lays in the other side of me.

"Why do I have the feeling this is a bigger problem than just Petra?" Erwin says and I sigh.

"Why do you think, Eyebrows?" I say as put my arms over my face. I get the feeling they both already know. They seem to just know this stuff.

"So, when are you gonna break up with her?" Hanji asks.

"Tomorrow. It's okay though, she doesn't like me that much anymore." I say. It's true, I think her interest had been directed at an annoying, pining guy who fell for her before I knew her.

"So, do you love him?" She asks and groan and turn to her.

"I can't. It's that simple, I can't." I answer. I stand up and start walking back and forth. I don't love him. I can't be in love. I can't love. _Can I?_

"Levi, yes you can." Erwin says as he sits up, practically reading my mind. "Everybody has the capacity for love." He says and I glare at him.

"Sadly, I'm not everybody." I say as I flop back to the ground, feeling the softness of the grass on my bare arms.

"It's not like anything changed. That's the weird part. Nothing changed. Not since the first night I got to know him. Does that mean it's been since then? Cause that was a long time ago." I say and sigh. "Sometimes I see it. Sometimes I look at him and everything just feels right. It's as though everything is clear and I suddenly know. But I can't know. Cause it can't be. Right? I mean, I can't be in love, right?" I ask more as a rhetorical question than serious.

"I always thought you did." Hanji said and I sit up and look at her.

"How? How is it possible I can? I've already been given away. Loving someone is giving them your all. That's what I always thought. But I have nothing to offer." I say.

"You really don't see it, do you? You're a great guy, Levi. Do you hear yourself? You're so selfless that you don't even think you deserve love. What if Eren went through the same thing you did?" She asks and I answer without missing a beat.

"I'd still love him." Then I listen to what I said. "Fuck!" I say and fall back down again, hearing the snickers next to me.

"Hey, maybe we can double date." Erwin says and I groan as I remember something else.

"Anyway, none of this matters. He has a girlfriend." I say. That right, as long as he's happy with her, that's all that matters.

"Yeah, I wouldn't count on that." Hanji says as she rubs the back of her neck.

"What do you mean?" Erwin and I both say.

"I think you'll find out soon. It's best if none of us get involved." She says and I nod to the cryptic request.

"Well, you're both coming to my house cause I'm coming out tomorrow and I need help." Erwin says and Hanji cheer."Finally!"


	9. The Breakups

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I'm alittle mad at myself for making this all in one chapter, but I added something major to the plot so I'm just getting the breakups out of the way. Sorry about that guys. Btw, if you want a spoiler of what that is, I added a tag... Please feel free to comment your opinion, but I'm not gonna change it because it's gonna be important. So, enjoy this odd little chapter and expect fluff later:)

Eren's POV

 

I wake up with the feeling I have whenever I feel a good day coming on. I swing my legs to the side of the bed and stand. But I don't stay standing. I fall. Grabbing the side of the bed, I haul myself up and grab my phone from my nightstand to see I'm already fifteen minutes behind schedule. I rely on the furniture to help me as I make my way over to my dresser.

I lean heavily on it as I open a drawer and get a pair before going to grab my black skinny jeans for my date. I figure I'll just wear what I wear to school today, so I pull out a green sweater. I make my way to the bathroom somehow and turn on the shower. I step in and get the shampoo, washing my hair as I think about the day. I have my date with Historia, practice, I think I have an test on King Lear today, yup, nothing sounds crazy.

I scrub at my hips, trying to remove the grim I feel but fail to do so as the blood start to drip out on either side. I turn off the shower and swing my legs out to move to the sink to get the ointment. I grab it and smear it over the bleeding points to prevent the bleeding from spreading.

I put on my underwear and pants, ignoring the sting it leaves. I pull on my sweater, cringing at the feel of it sliding over my back. I brush my teeth quickly and run the brush through my hair. Wouldn't be able to tame it if I tried anyway. I somehow manage to make my way downstairs and grab my bag just as Armim pulls up. I stuff some soccer clothes and socks into my sports bag and hurry outside, trying not to look as in pain as I feel.

"Hey Ar!" I say as I slide into the seat next to him.

"Hey Eren," he says with a happy smile.

"Someone's perky this morning." I say and he turns to me.

"I had coffee, sue me." He says and starts to pull out.

"Sure, that's why." I say and he elbows me. We go the rest of the way in a comfortable silence. When we get to the school, I climb out of the car and grab my bags from the back seat. "Armin, do we have an English test today?" He may be in honors, but we still have testing on the same days. He nods to me and shoots me a look.

"Did you forget?" He asks and I laugh.

"Of course I forgot. But it's Shakespeare, so it's easy." I say and he shakes his head.

"I swear you're the only teenager to ever say that. And that's coming from me." He says as we begin to walk in.

"I like that kind of stuff. It's fascinating." I say, only half lying. My mom and I would watch Shakespeare plays and movies when I was little. It became a second language in a way, although it's technically still modern English. My favorite was always Much Ado About Nothing, it's like the original romantic comedy with cynical leads.

"Why are we friends?" He says as he walks ahead of me.

"I would wish not any companion in the world but you!" I yell after him, attracting a lot of looks and he turns to me.

"Wasn't that a love quote?" He ask with a smirk.

"It works any way you want it." I say and he laughs.

"Come on, Romeo, save the pick up lines for your Juliet." He says and I groan.

"At least try to be original." I say as I trail after him.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

I have free period last hour. I requested it that way so I could get out of going to the locker room at the same time as everyone else. I've been doing this since freshman year and never has this been disrupted. Until now.

"Sup, Jaeger." I hear a voice say as I struggle to put my grey shirt on.

"What the hell are you doing here, Jean? Don't you have class right now?" I ask. I'd be lying if I didn't say I was a little pissed that he was here. Anyone here pisses me off, but Jean can really get to me when he wants to.

"I take yearbook and since we finished the yearbook and it's being sold for the year, I don't have class. Nicest part of the class, you get months of free time." He says with a cocky grin as he strips of his shirt.

"So, you have the rest of the year off?" I ask, worried by the information.

"Yep, so, I was wondering if we could work on my goal keeping." He asks with confidence as I inwardly groan.

"And why would I help you, Horseface?" I say and he sighs.

"Listen, I really like playing goal. I know I'll still be second string, but I want to be good enough to be noticed by scouts, and you are." He says and I'm struck silent at the words of praise. He shifts awkwardly under my gaze and his eyes don't met mine. He means it.

"Okay, but only if you tape my wrists. It's a pain in the ass taping them myself." I say and he smiles.

"Thanks Eren." He says as I toss my tape and prewrap at him.

"You better do it right." I say and he begins to wrap me.

 

Levi's POV

 

"We need to talk." Petra says and pulls me into the janitor's closet.

"Yeah, I think we do." I say and lean against the wall.

"Listen, you're a great guy, but I think I'm falling for someone else and I feel terrible about it, but I might as well just say it." She says and I gape at her.

"Is it possible you just said exactly what I needed to say?" I say and she lets out a sigh.

"Thank god, I felt terrible about it, but I'm glad we're on the same page." She says, obviously relieved. She just made this so much easier for both of us by thinking she messed up. Funny how that works.

"So, Oluo then?" I say as I sit and her head snaps to me.

"How?"

"God, you girls are as oblivious as you are transparent." I say and she sits next to me.

"So, Eren then?" I say and feel déjà vu as my eyes shoot to her.

"I swear everyone knows." I say and she laughs.

"That cause everybody has at least thought it." She says and I groan.

"It's so stupid!" I say with my hand in my hair.

"It's not, you two are kind of perfect together. It used to drive me crazy, but now I just find it adorable. You two just go together." She says.

"I just wish he thought that." I say and then turned to her. I'm still unsure if I can ever love him the way he deserves, but part of me really wants to try.

"What about you and Oluo. What was your big realization." I ask and she blushes.

"Well, it was gradual. I got to know him below the façade and he's just a good guy." She says and I put my hand over hers.

"I'm happy for you." I say with a smile and she shoots a grin back.

"I'm happy for you too." She says and I retract my hand.

"So, should we go to the class we're skipping?" She asks and I bark out a laugh.

"Funny, Petra."

 

Eren's POV

 

"Okay boys! Good practice today!" Pixis says when we're in the team huddle. "We need to get ready! This Friday is verses the Royals and next week is verses the Titans. If we keep up the good work, we'll be ready to kick ass and at regionals. Team on three!" He yells and we scream "one, two, three, team!" back to him. We all start walking to the locker room before I hear Oluo say something surprising.

"You really think she likes me?" He says and I hear a lower voice answer.

"I know she does. We broke up for a reason." I turn to look over to see Levi talking to Oluo.

"You and Petra broke up?" I say and he turns to me.

"Yeah, but it was mutual." He says as if it's not a big deal. I think of this as I walk into the locker room, but my thoughts are interrupted by a booming voice.

"Hey everyone! I have something to say!" Erwin says while standing on a bench. Everyone looks his way due to his authoritative nature. What's going on? I look next to me to see Levi with a smirk on his face and I have a feeling this is gonna be good.

"So, I just wanted to take this opportunity to tell you all something. I'm bisexual. I'm bisexual and I'm crazy about Armin Arlert." He says and steps down to a very surprised Armin. "I felt the need to do this formally, so Armin, will you go out with me?" He says and the whole locker room hoots, but Erwin ignores then in favor of waiting for an answer. I'm worried Armin might be frozen in shock as he stands there with his mouth hanging open and a very red face.

"I think he's broken." Levi whispers to me before Armin grabs Erwin's face and kisses him as his answer and the team roars.

"That's adorable." I say, looking over to Levi who has a crooked grin on his face.

"The bastard actually did it." He says, but I know he's happy for him. It's funny to see Armin so bold and comfortable with someone, but I'm mostly just happy for him as well. He deserves a good guy, and while I don't know how I feel about Erwin, I know he cares about Armin. Enough to come out, obviously.

I squeeze past the two who are still going at it to grab my sports bag and go to the bathroom. I change into my clothes from earlier quickly so I can meet up with Historia. I flush the toilet so no one asks why I change in the stall and wash my hands when I get out. I go to leave for the parking lot when someone tap my shoulder.

I turn around to see Levi without a shirt and still in his soccer shorts. He's practically glowing in sweat, highlighting his toned abs and his shorts fit to compliment his crotch with his hair push out of his face. _Wow. He looks hot. Wait a second. Get your mind out of the gutter, Jaeger. Wait. How did it even get in the gutter?_  I try to keep my eyes on his.

"Do you need a ride home? I think Erwin was planing on taking Armin out if everything went well." He says and I feel a knot in the pit of my stomach as I see his eyes trail down.

"I actually have a date, but thanks for the offer." I say before waving to him and turning on my heel. Before I leave, I hear Connie yell "shut down!" before a grunt, sounding like he got elbowed. Probably Jean striking out with Marco.

I go to the parking lot to meet up with Historia, only to find she isn't there. I go inside of the school to look for her and have trouble doing so. It isn't until I'm near the back of the school that I hear a noise coming from the janitors closet. Normally I'd pay no mind to it, but I hear a very distinct voice.

"Oh yes!" She screams from the closet. It's Historia. In the janitor's closet. Moaning rather loudly. Somehow, my mind can't connect what's happening. Against my better judgement, I walk in to a sight I don't think I'll ever unsee. Ymir crouched down with Historia's skirt up and underwear down. Ymir's mouth is in a place I never excepted it to be, Historia's vagina. They see me and freeze as I turn around and leave. I start to numbly walk away as Historia grabs my arm, still pulling her skirt down. "Eren, I'm so sorry..."

"No you're not." I say calmly. I can't find it in me to be mad. I can't find it in me to feel anything really. All I know is that I should be upset about now. But I feel nothing. Numb.

I pull my arm away from her and turn back to the parking lot.

She doesn't follow me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love the WinMin moment cause I feel like that's what would happen. Erwin would wing it and it's be adorable. (I think that's the ship name..?)


	10. I Just Don't Know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I liked writing this chapter. The sexual tension is reallll. Plus it's fluffy. Just so you know, the ship is gonna move slower after this chapter. I really don't have much to say. Enjoy:)

Eren's POV

 

I walk out to the parking lot just in time to see Levi leaving. I walk across to the pavement to him. He looks confused, but before he can say anything, I drop my bags and wrap my arms around him, and soon a pair of arms return the favor. "You okay, Bright Eyes?" He ask and I break the embrace.

"Can you give me a ride?" I ask and he looks confused, but nods.

I climb in his truck and sink into the seat as a slow guitar rhythm I've never heard starts to play, but he quickly changes it. We slowly pull out of the parking lot and Levi turns away from our neighborhood, but I think nothing of it while I'm lost in my thought. It isn't until he pull into a Dairy Queen that I get confused. I look to him for an answer and he shrugs. "You have a date one minute and the next you don't. Obviously something happened and we're gonna be middle school girls and eat ice cream about it." He says and I laugh as he gets out of the car.

 

Levi's POV

 

I don't know what happened, but I can tell it must've sucked since that laugh was the first show of emotion he's showed so far. I step out of the car and wait for Eren before walking up to the window. The man behind the counter looks bored as he asks for our orders.

"Can I get a twist?" He asks as though they'll say no and then the man turns to me. "I'll have an Oreo milkshake." I say and he punches numbers into the cash register. After I pay, we decide to walk about since we're right by out downtown area. You would this is a good idea, but the path to the millpond in town is infested with couples making out. I see Eren stiffen out of the corner of my eye as we pass them, but I don't say anything.

We walk until we're above the pond on the bridge. The sun is low in the sky and the lights reflect off the water as we lean on the rail. I take a sip of my shake before deciding to talk about the real problem. "So, what happened? If you don't mind me asking." I say, approaching the topic with caution. He lets out a loud sigh and starts to speak.

"I gave her three years. Three years of my life. I loved her. I guess I still love her, but shouldn't I be upset? Shouldn't I at least cry?" He thinks out loud. He turns to me with those big, blue green eyes, filled with conflicting emotions. "She cheated on me, Levi. She cheated on me with Ymir. I didn't even know she was gay!" He says exasperatedly and I feel my eyes widen and my fist clench.

"Who the hell would cheat on you?" I say and he lets out a dry laugh.

"I guess Historia." He says looking down. I grab his hand not holding his ice cream and he leans into me.

"The worst part is, it doesn't hurt. It doesn't anything. I literally feel nothing about it." He says and I feel a weight lift off my chest I didn't know was there.

"Maybe you didn't love her as much as you thought." I say honestly and he takes a lick of his ice cream.

"Yeah, maybe." He says.

We stay like this for awhile until the sun fully sets and we know it must actually be late. When we get to the subdivision and pull into his driveway, I turn to him. "You can crash as my place if you want. Mika has some soccer shorts that will fit you." I say and I see him relax slightly. "Yeah, that'd be nice." He says and I put the car in reverse.

 

Eren's POV

 

Levi and I are good friends, don't get me wrong, but he's never asked me over himself. I've always gone to see Mikasa and ended up in the basement with him, but he wanted me over. Something about that made my heart jump. He drives the quick drive to his house and I grab my bags out of the back of his truck. We walk inside and I hear a familiar voice call out.

"If you're a robber, I have a gun. If you're Levi, I still have a gun." She says and I laugh.

"It's Levi, but Eren is here too, so don't shoot." He deadpans and I laugh again as I walk into the living room.

"Hey Mika," I say as I come into the room and sit next to her.

"What are you doing here?" She asks.

"Wow, great greetings you make." I say and she elbows me.

"I just didn't except to see you. But since you're both here, get the fuck out." She says and continues to push me with her elbow.

"Gee, you're friendly today." Levi says and be plops down into the big, brown lazy boy in the corner."Well, Annie is coming over, and we get the couch." She says and turns to me. "Wait, didn't you have a date?" She asks, suddenly confused. Well shit, now I'm gonna have to hold her back. I lay down on her lap before explaining as I play with the hem of her shirt. I feel her practically vibrate with anger. "That bitch! I'll kill her." She says intensely and I hit her nose.

"Bad Mikasa, no death threats over infidelity." I say, trying to keep the mood light since I don't doubt Mikasa was serious.

"Fine. I don't get it though. Why would she choose Ymir over you?" She asks rhetorically, but I answer anyway.

"Cause they were fooling around in the closet, both literally and figuratively." I say and both Ackermans let out a laugh.

"God, that's scarring. Like, I'm into girls, don't get me wrong, but to walk in on someone eating the other out, that's gross." Mikasa says and I laugh before I hear a knock on the door. "You two, exile, now." Mikasa says and pushes me off of her.

"Rude." I say, feigning offended.

"Basement?" Levi asks.

"Basement."

 

Levi's POV

 

As soon as we get down to the basement, Eren runs to pick up the guitar. I laugh at the childish act as I sit next to him lean into the couch, watching him play. He starts by playing songs, but eventually starts playing random chords. His fingers movie with ease up the neck of the guitar and he strums with perfect rhythm. He plays with an ease that's almost like a language.

"You're getting good." I say and he turns to me with a smile, not pausing his playing.

"Thanks! I've been wanting to learn tabs, but I haven't had the time." He says with a small smile.

"I can teach you if you want," I say without thinking, but his smile brightens before I can mentally slap myself for the eager response.

"That'd be great." He says and hands the guitar to me. I take it and play some tabs to warm up quickly before turning to him.

"The callouses that come from playing tabs are slightly different than with chords. It'll hurt a little, but they grow quick. Just a small warning." I say before I think of how to go about this. Teaching tabs is much harder than teaching chords due to the fact it's the movements that are hard, not the placements. I think of an idea that sounds a little crazy in my head, but it might just work. I grab his left hand and place it over the strings, aligning mine with his. "Just let me guide your hand." I say and he nods, blush creeping onto his face. I press one finger down and I pluck with my other hand. I move his hand down the neck, trying not to press to hard as I move his fingers along the strings. I get him used to the feel of it before moving him to the next string, slowly moving so he hears the sound of each fret.

I look up at him to find he's not at all paying attention to the strings, but staring at my face. I feel my face heat up as he quickly looks back down. Deciding to have a little fun with this sudden shyness of his, I move his hand to the bottom strings and slowly move it closer to the center. As it gets closer to my lap, his finger hesitate before moving at the same pace as mine. By the time they're next to my dick and I look up, he's beet red. He retracts his hand an coughs awkwardly and I'm suddenly nervous I made him uncomfortable. "Um, maybe I should try strumming," he says and I smirk.

 

Eren's POV

 

By the time we're done with my "guitar lesson", I've learned little to nothing and we're both blushing deeply. We turn on the Xbox to find a movie on Netflix we're fighting over it right now.

"I'm not watching fucking Sound of Music." Levi says as he keeps looking through.

"But it's a classic! And Julie Andrews is perfect!" I say as I awkwardly flail on the couch, making Levi laugh.

"Oh god. I'll admit it's good, but in really not in the mood." He says and stops on High School Musical 3. "How about this?" He says and I start dying of laughter. It's a long process that includes high pitched sounds, tears, and the fetal position. When I finally compose myself, I look over at his confused face and giggle.

"I didn't take you for a musical type. Let alone one as girly as High School Musical." I say and he roles his eyes.

"I have two words for you. Zac Efron. He's fucking hot." He says and I lean into him as I go into my second death caused by laughter.

"Oh god, now I get why you and Petra broke up. That sounded about a straight as a wet noodle." I say and put my head in his lap and look up at him. He looks down at me with his stormy eyes and smirks.

"Come on. Tell me he isn't hot. Blue eyes, brown hair, great voice, tell me he isn't incredibly attractive." He says and leans down until our noses our touching and I'm not sure we're talking about Zac Efron anymore. If his goal is to frustrate me in every possible way, it's working because half of my wants to grab his head and smash his lips on mine and half of me wants to shove him for being so damn smug. I go with option number two.

I push he shoulder until I can move my mouth without possible collision. "I think the movie's up there." I say and he smirks and turns his head up.

"High School Musical 3 it is."

 

Levi's POV

 

Holy fuck. I almost kissed him. What am I doing? What if he's not into me that way? That would make this night fucking awkward. But I can't stop thinking about how his lips would feel against mine. My mind races about this throughout the movie and I soon realize that Eren is asleep. I move us so we're laying down together and stop the movie. I'm not lying when I say I watched only cause of Zac Efron. I'm pretty sure he's everybody's wet dream. Period. End of story.

I'm pulled out of my thoughts by a sudden stirring of the figure next to me. I look up to see Eren's pained expression as he's still asleep. I shake his shoulder, but he won't wake up. His scrunches in pain and he lets out a small whimper as I shake him harder. Maybe my thoughts from earlier are still clouding my mind, but as he starts to get louder and not wake up no matter how hard I shake him, I only see one option. I lean down and softly press my lips to his. That wakes him up.

It's not obvious at first, but I soon realize that he's leaning into the kiss as I start to move my lips. My eyes close as he tilts his head to deepen the kiss. It's not intense, but it doesn't lack passion. His hands move to my shoulder as I lean closer to him, practically laying on him. After a bit, I pull back and we both open our eyes, and in a moment of realization, we quickly separate to our own corners of the couch.

"Oh my god, you just kissed me." He says, look rather confused.

"You kissed back," I point out, but inwardly hit myself in the face at the childish remark.

"I had just woken up," he defends his case.

"I couldn't get you to wake up," I say and he stiffens.

"Wait. Why did you need to wake me up?" He asks, looking more nervous than skeptical.

"You were whimpering and looked in pain, so I tried to shake you awake." I say and he brings his hand to his head.

"Shit." He says quietly, but sharply.

"Are you okay?" I asks and he runs his fingers through his hair.

"Yeah, I'm fine." He says, but he doesn't sound fine at all.

"Eren, you know you can trust me, right?" I say and he looks to me.

"It's not that I don't trust you. It's just not something I can't talk about." He says and I don't push it. He comes closer to me on the couch and grabs my hand. "Honestly. I'm fine." He says and I think he's convincing himself more than me. I lace our fingers together and put my head on his shoulder.

"Okay. I trust you." I say and feel the air rush from him at the words, making me know everything's not okay. He's not okay. He leans his head on mine and my heart starts flipping as I feel his do the same. Something about this isn't just a friendly exchange. Something changed.

 

Eren's POV

 

Pretty soon, Levi falls asleep and I'm left to my mind. I start by figuring out what I know happened. I fell asleep. Levi woke me up. By kissing me. And I kissed Levi back. I kissed Levi. He kissed me. Oh my god.

I look to the sleeping figure in my arms as he tucks his head under me chin. Why does he sleep so soundly with me? Why does the thought make me stomach jump? And why do I want to kiss him again? Do I like him? All these questions are interrupted by the sound of someone coming downstairs. I close my eyes and fake sleep.

"Oh wow." I hear Kenny chuckle as Mikasa giggles.

"I know," she says and I bring my head down due to the blush threatening to spread at being watched.

"Come on, we can't wake them up." Mikasa says and I hear footsteps leave. I hear a small yawn from beneath me and look down to see Levi waking up.

"Fuck they're loud." He says groggily and pulls me closer as he tries to sleep, unaware of what this does to me. Or maybe he is and he's just messing with me. The thought makes my chest hurt and I realize I don't want that to be the case. I want Levi to like me. Cause I like Levi. Fuck.


	11. Clarify

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is really just to move along to the next arc which is more of a plot. The introductions are pretty much over now. Yay!!! Kinda... Anyway, enjoy!

Levi's POV

 

It's nice how normal everything is the next morning. Eren and I wake up, get ready for school, he gets some of Mikasa's clothes and my big black sweater, and neither of us mention the kiss. But it takes everything in me not to. My head is practically screaming at me to do it again. But I know I can't. He has stuff he needs to deal with before even worrying about if he likes me, which judging by his reaction to last night, he doesn't. So we sit in the kitchen eating cereal in silence before Mikasa comes downstairs wearing her red scarf and a particularly shit-eating grin.

"Oh no." I say as I glare at her and she looks back with an amused look in her eyes.

"So, how did you guys sleep? Wait..." She says and pulls out her phone. "I already know." She says as she shows us a picture of us asleep.

Eren has his arms around my waist and I had draped mine around his neck. There is no space between us. My head is under his chin and his is tucked so his face is hidden in my hair. I look over to him to see him wide eyed and blushing a tomato red. Mikasa puts her phone back in her pocket. "I swear to god Mikasa, if you send that to anyone..."

"Too late." Annie says as she walks in and kisses Mikasa's cheek. Wait.

"When did that happen?" Eren finishes my thoughts.

"A little after that picture happened." Annie says with a smirk.

"Oh, and you might want to check your phones." Mika says and Eren pulls his out, eyes widening at the texts on his lock screen.

"How many people are in the group chat?" He asks, unlocking his phone.

"Erwin, Hanji, and Armin." Mikasa says with a smirk. I look at my phone and unlock it to see Hanji had blown up my phone. Not in the main group chat, but one with her, Erwin, and me.

 

 

From Crazy Hanj: OH MY GOD YOU TWO CUDDLE?!?!

THATS FUCKING ADORABLE!!!

LEVI YOU HAVE SHIT TO TELL ME

WHY DIDNT YOU TELL ME ABOUT THIS?

IM TESTING THE ODDS OF HIM LIKING YOU BACK AND THAT IS A GAME CHANGER.

From Eyebrows: Leave him alone, he's obviously getting busy.

To Group: STOP. 

 

I look to the other group message to see Armin had put the smirking emoji and I can literally feel his realization through the phone. _Shit, that boy is a blackmail genius._ I stare at my phone until I hear a voice next to me. "Crap, we need to get going." Eren says and takes both our bowls and puts them in the sink.

 

 

Eren's POV

 

 

_I don't wanna do this. I don't wanna do this._ That's all I can think on my way to lunch. Jean is talking about how easy physics is for him and I just drown him out. My mind is lost in thought as we walk to my table. "And then the teacher reuses the same equation we learned two weeks ago and says it's a new one..." He blabs as we reach our table and I take a seat at the end next to Armin. He continues to talk as Ymir and Historia come up.

"Hey Eren," Historia says and I look the other way. Jean stops talking as I hear Armin sigh next to me. We sit in awkward silence until Marco comes and removes some of the tension by smiling brightly.

"Hey guys, what's up?" He say, unaware of the tense quiet that was here before.

"Hi babe." Jean says as he slings an arm around his boyfriend and kisses his cheek. I look behind me to the table where Erwin sat on Friday and see Levi animatedly talking and then putting his head in his hands with a growl as Hanji laughs. He looks angry and confused, leaving me confused as well. I turn back to my sandwich and eat in silence until I hear Jean sigh.

"Okay, what happened between you two? And you two?" He says and points to Historia and me, sitting with Armin between us, and Historia and Ymir, the latter with her arm around the former. They uncomfortably look at each other as I answer.

"Well turns out Historia has been sleeping with Ymir." I say and Marco and Jean's eyes widen as Armin drops his spoon.

"What?" Armin asks, venom in his voice as he turns to Historia.

"Hey, it's not her fault that Eren couldn't pop one for her." Ymir says and everyone is quiet until I stand up.

"Excuse me, bitch? I'm so sorry my sexuality bothers you oh so much. It's funny though. I warned you about it before we even dated, Historia." I continue, feeling the anger finally build in me while turning to her. "I had no idea you were even gay until I found you getting eaten out in the closet!" I yell, ignoring the stares I'm attracting.

"I'm sorry... I know I shouldn't have done that but..." Historia tries but I cut her off.

"Sorry? Tch, fuck that. You're not sorry. You wouldn't have done it if you were sorry." I say and she lowers her head.

"We were just growing apart, and I'm sorry but I have needs too." She says loud enough for me to hear her and I gape at her.

"I'm sorry, you have needs? Oh my god. Fuck you." I say, not caring how harsh I sound anymore.

"Don't say that to her, you asshole! She's trying to apologize!" Ymir stands and screams back.

"She's not sorry! She's sorry she got caught. In fact, I'm not even sure she's sorry about that! I know I deserve a lot of shit, but I deserve to at least be broken up with before you fuck someone else!" I say and close my eyes to calm my breathing. "I am done with this shit." I say and leave my stuff as I leave the lunch room, several gazes following me.

I go to my locker and sit down in front of it, head in my hands. I sit there in though until a small body sits down next to me. "Some speech in there." Armin says quietly with a dry chuckle.

"Sorry I didn't tell you last night. I didn't want to ruin your date." I say and he nods.

"It's fine. If that picture is anything to go by, you were busy too." He says and I bury my head into my hands again.

"No I wasn't." I says and Armin grabs my ear.

"Oh my gosh! Your earlobe is red! You're lying! What happened?" He pries and I groan.

"Well, if I'm being honest, I'm not entirely sure." I say and Armin's smile grow.

"Oh my god. Do you like Levi?" He asks and grabs my arm, practically bouncing.

"No. Yes. I'm not sure. Everything was just so confusing last night. One minute he tries to teach me how to play tabs and the next my hand is practically touching his dick." I say and Armin squeaks.

"How far did you go with him?" Armin asks and I groan.

"Not like that. The guitar was in his lap and the closer my hand got up the neck, the closer it got to his dick. But that's not the weirdest part." I say, recalling the night before.

"Really? Because that's pretty straight forward, especially for Levi." Armin says and I nod.

"This was different. I think he hit on me and almost kissed me." I say and turn to see his eyes widen.

"Holy shit. Wait, almost? What happened?" He prods.

"I pushed him back. But he... um... kissed-me-after-and-it-was-really-great-and-I-kind-of-want-to-do-it-again." I say quickly and Armin gasps.

"You guys kissed? Why? How long? Was it good?" He questions and I feel my face start to burn.

"I had a nightmare and he said he couldn't wake me up, so he kissed me. It was... really good. He was so gentle and his lips were so soft..." I trail off thinking about it.

"That's adorable." Armin says and I jump, being taken out of my thoughts.

"But I think he regrets it." I say quietly as I remember the night before.

"What makes you say that?" A new voice says and I blush when I look up to see Erwin.

"Shit. How much did you hear?" I say and he shrugs.

"Pretty much everything about the kiss. You see, Levi doesn't tell me jack so I needed to find out somehow." He says and sits next to Armin.

"No wonder you two like each other. You're equally devious." I say and they laugh.

"Seriously though, why do you think Levi regretted it?" Erwin asked, voice serious, yet sympathetic.

"Well, he was just so shocked after, like he didn't know why he did it. I don't know... I guess I just wish he felt what I did. He was just waking me up, but it felt like so much more." I say and then look up. "I swear to god if you tell him about this I will cut off your dick and give it to Armin as a dildo." I say and Armin's eyes widen as he blushes profusely.

"Yeah yeah, I won't." Erwin says.

"So, back up here. What exactly happened with Historia?" Armin asks and I groan.

"We had a date planned and she wasn't by her car so I went looking for her, thinking that maybe she got preoccupied. And she was, considering Ymir had her head between her legs and she was moaning like a whore." I say and they gasp.

"Holy shit. That explains what happened back there." Erwin says.

"Yeah, I walked in on it." I say and Armin grabs my arm.

"Maybe it's for the best." He says.

"Yeah, maybe it is."

 

* * *

 

"Your form is wrong. You're falling too much on your hip. If you keep that up, you'll break it." I critique Jean outside. We have a game in a couple of days and I want him to play as goal for awhile so I can play mid. It would work for both of us if he would just get his damn dive.

"Okay, so like this?" He does to dive again and his elbow takes the impact.

"You tell me. On a scale of 1 to 10, how much did that hurt?" I say and he glares at me.

"Yeah, point taken, whatever." He says and stands up.

"Watch me do it. Watch where I fall." I say and I lay out, landing as flat as I can.

"I can't do that though!" He says and I walk up to him and put a hand on his shoulder.

"Jean, you are the most hotheaded person I know. You're obnoxious and your temper is worse than mine." He looks like he's gonna kill me until I add on. "But, you're also very determined and I know you can do this." I say and his gaze softens. "I'm gonna go get a ball and we can work on your high catching for now and finish this tomorrow. Okay?" I say as I walk to go get a ball from the ball bag.

"Okay." He says and goes back to the net.

 

* * *

 

 

For the rest of the week after that, everything was calm. I avoided Historia and Ymir, hung out with Armin, Mikasa, and surprisingly Erwin, talked to Levi while trying to figure out my feelings for him, and went home to face dad and survived. Everything was normal enough, but that always seems to happen before things go to shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think that's enough of a warning...


	12. And Then it Went Dark

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> He he he. You're all gonna kill me. I can feel it... So thank you guys for he feedback! I'm bad with this stuff, but I wanted to thank ya'll for the 1k hits! I love when you guys comment and I read all of them so feel free to comment! So... fluff then angst. Short and to the point. That is the chapter. Do with it what you will. Minus killing me. I'd like to live long enough to finish thisXD So..... enjoy...

Eren's POV

 

It's Friday, the day of our game verses the Royals and my free period is about to start. Jean texted me saying he was busy today, so there's no lesson today.

 

From Horseface: I can't make it for free period today. Gotta get shit done. Have fun;)

 

It was a bit cryptic, but I payed no mind to it. I go to my locker and a sticky note falls out as I open it. I pick it up and smile at the words.

 

_We need to have a jam session. This has been a shit day. Music room at 2._

_-Levi_

 

As much as I feel bad about his bad day, I'm happier about the meeting. I look at the clock to see it's 1:55 so I grab my stuff quickly and shove it in my backpack and speed walk to the music room. I walk in and I'm surprised to see Levi sitting behind the piano. He's eyes are sunken in more than normal and rimmed with red and it makes my heart ache. I decide to not bring that up until he does himself. "Since when do you play?" I said as I walk over to sit next to him.

"I don't play much, I look up YouTube videos when I skip class and come here. It's not used much during hours." He says and starts to put his fingers down. He plays a random chord and it sounds like he knows what he's doing.

"What got you into music? It seems to mean a lot to you." I ask and his hand stops.

"That actually has a lot to do with my day. It was today, three years ago, my brother and sister died." He says and my head snaps to him.

"You had siblings?" I asked, surprised by the sudden information on his past. He chuckles dryly at the shock that must be in my voice.

"Yeah. Well, actually, no. They weren't by blood, but it was as if they were." He says as he continues to play unknowingly.

"You don't have to tell me." I say and he leans his head on me.

"Thanks, Bright Eyes." He says and I put my arm around him. We stay like this for awhile as he plays a bunch of different songs. The Only Exception, She Will Be Loved, You and Me, Chasing Cars, and more. I start to wonder if he realizes he's only playing love songs as he starts to sing along to slightly to Thinking Out Loud.

 

 

_And, darling, I will be loving you 'til we're 70_

_And, baby, my heart could still fall as hard at 23_

_And I'm thinking 'bout how_

_People fall in love in mysterious ways_

_Maybe just the touch of a hand_

_Well, me—I fall in love with you every single day_

_And I just wanna tell you I am_

 

He looks up at me as he starts to sing the chorus. I get lost in the blue of his rainstorm eyes as he absentmindedly sings.

 

_When my hair's all but gone and my memory fades_

_And the crowds don't remember my name_

_When my hands don't play the strings the same way_

_I know you will still love me the same_

_'Cause honey your soul could never grow old, it's evergreen_

_And, baby, your smile's forever in my mind and memory_

_I'm thinking 'bout how_

_People fall in love in mysterious ways_

_Maybe it's all part of a plan_

_Well, I'll just keep on making the same mistakes_

_Hoping that you'll understand_

_But, baby, now_

_Take me into your loving arms_

_Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars_

_Place your head on my beating heart_

_Thinking out loud_

_That maybe we found love right where we are_

 

He stops in and starts leaning over to me. I don't realize I'm leaning in too until out noses are practically touching. "Do you know how beautiful your eyes are?" Levi says and I look down in embarrassment. His hand is suddenly on my cheek and I look up to his stormy eyes. My stomach does flips as his thumb strokes my cheekbone and slowly makes its way to my neck. His lips graze mine as he pulls me closer and....

"Guys! Pixis is late and... are we interrupting?" Armin says from the door with Erwin as Levi and I quickly separate.

"No. Of course not." Levi says as he sends a glare over to Armin, who flinches. Levi looks to me and sighs. "Time for the game," he says as he gets up and leave and I stay sitting.

"What just happened?" Erwin asks and then flinches, like Armin, at the glare I send him.

 

* * *

 

 

"They're skilled, but overly confident. Their defense is lacking but their offense is good. They don't move the ball much since due to their egos and lack of sportsmanship. Defense will have to play tight on strong side and be ready for a drive. Power kicks will be the way to score. And be careful, they aim to injure." I say to the team. They already hit Marco's right knee, making him have to sit for right now. It's a big game for us, scouts are here for Legion, a state college team, and everybody is trying to play their top game. I reach my hand to the middle of our huddle and we chant before going back to the field. We have a throw in and Jean throws it to Oluo, who misses and the other team comes and drives it.

It seems like everything just froze. Including me. I stand there as the ball comes at me, ready for me to catch, but it goes through. As it slips through my fingers, I feel the ball against my neck. But it doesn't stop there. It hits something in my throat and I fall backwards with it. "Eren!" I look up to see the team running towards me as Hannes blows his whistle, pausing the game, but the Royals have a reputation of playing dirty, and they live up to the title. Someone kicks the ball into my neck and it bounces into the net. I feel the pain spread through my neck as I sit up. I stay kneeling and hunched forward as I try to breathe. But I can't.

I start to panic before I hear a voice from next to me. "You fucker." Levi says with deadly calmness as he walks up to the guy who kicked. He leans to look down at Levi with a smug look before Levi punches him square in the face. The ref frantically blows his whistle as the guy goes to punch Levi, but is knocked down by a swift kick, knocking his legs out from under him. His teammates come and hold him back as Levi runs over to me. "Are you okay?" He asks and I open my mouth to respond. But nothing comes out. I keep trying but just feel my head get light.

"Eren? What's going on?" Armin says next to him and again I try to answer but I stay silent as excruciating pain spreads through my throat as I try to force it out. I look up in horror to Armin and see the realization in his eyes. "We need to get you to the hospital. Now." He says and I panic. I faintly see Mikasa run up to me as my vision starts to blur. I feel a strong pair of arms pick me up before everything goes dark.

 

Levi's POV

 

We were told Eren was to be in here for several day when they checked him in due to the assumed diagnosis. I sent Mikasa and Armin home to sleep since it was going on two in the morning. I sit next to him until I'm forced out by a nurse and so I go to get coffee. The women at the desk has pity in her eyes as I order a large black coffee. In fact, there's pity in the eyes of everyone walking by me. I'm getting sick of it already.

I wander the hallway aimlessly, refusing to sit in the waiting room. You go to waiting rooms to wait for a miracle and leave with the opposite. I prefer to walk, thank you.

I walk by the gift shop that's closed at this time of night and look at the flowers through the gate. Their are flower with all meanings: love, sorrow, peace, death, all the things that make hospitals unbearable. I know Eren won't die, but I'm worried about him. He took a hard hit to the neck and that can cause a lot of damage. I shake my head and force the thoughts out of my head. I take a sip of my coffee and walk again.

I slowly make my way back to Eren's room to find the door shut and a banging noise. I barge in to see Grisha pull away from him. I walk up to him and grab the front of his shirt and pull him to my level. "I'm on to you, asshole. I've dealt with worse than you before." I say and a sickening grin spreads on his face. "You might not want to threaten me. Do you want to me call security, Rivaille?" He says and my jaw clenches. _Well shit._ I reluctantly let go of his shirt and he leaves the room, leaving me with Eren and the bruise forming around his throat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...................


	13. Hospital

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know I'm writing a lot, but it's because I had a long weekend and I felt like it. I don't know how well I can keep it up, so I'm just gonna post when I can, which will be fairly often. Also, I love your guy's comments! They make me so happy:) Okay, so this chapter is explaining a lot and sets the tone for some things, so I hope you enjoy it:)

Levi's POV

 

Armin and Mikasa come back the next day. The doctor already told us the diagnosis. Bilateral Vocal Cord Paralysis. The odds of him getting that? Slim. The odds it could be caused by a soccer ball? Little to none. I walk around, trying to get my thoughts together.

Eren is in surgery. a surgery that means he'll never talk again. I don't tell Armin or Mikasa about Grisha, they're already crying for their childhood friend. One question going through my head is driving me insane: How does that bastard know my underground name? I haven't used it in years and nobody knows it but three people. I think of Eren. Eren not being able to talk again. That thought alone has me fighting back tears.

I have to pull back even harder as they bring Eren in the room. Mikasa starts crying again at the sight. He's hooked up to an IV, cannula in his nose that wrap around him and lead to an oxygen tank, stitches on his throat, eyes closed. Something more noticeable now that his arms are above the blanket is the number of cuts going up his arms. I couldn't count them all if I tried, the amount looks endless. It looks like a sleeve and I wish I could pull them off, make the pain not be there. But it is. And I think it's going to get worse.

"The surgery was successful. He's already making progress, so it'll be about three days until he's discharged, assuming no complications." Dr. Grey, Eren's doctor, says to us. I nod to her and Armin stands.

"Thank you, Doctor. I know that you're not supposed to tell us this stuff, so thanks." Armin says and the Doctor relaxes.

"It's best you guys know. When he wakes up, he's gonna be confused, so you guys can tell him or get me. This is going to be a long struggle for him, he'll really need you guys there for him." She says and Armin nods. She leaves the room and we're all left to out thoughts.

 

Eren's POV

 

I wake up to see Armin and Mikasa asleep in the chairs next to my bed. Where am I? I look up to see Levi leaning on a white wall, looking off to the side. I look around to see the heart monitor and IV bag that leads to my arm and know where I am. Something is wrapped around me head, but I pay no mind to it due to what I feel on my neck. I lift my free arm to it to see what it is. String. In my skin. I hear the beeping get quicker.

"Eren. Eren, calm down." Levi says as he crosses the room and sits next to me. I try to take a deep breath, but it hurts to do so. "Why am I here?" Is what I would've asked if anything came out. Suddenly, everything from the game floods back to me and the heart monitor speeds up faster. Levi grabs my hand from the sting on my neck as Mikasa and Armin wake up at the change in noise.

"Everything is fine, Eren." Armin says and Levi shakes his head.

"Don't lie to him. I think he knows something is wrong." He says and hands me a pad of paper and a pencil. I quickly jot down a note before handing it to Levi.

_"Tell me what's going on,"_ is written on it and he looks away.

"I'll let the doctor do that. I'll go get her." He says and gets up to leave. Once the door is shut, I turn to Mikasa to see her crying.

_"Are you okay?"_ I write and she nods. "I'll be fine." She says quietly and I grab her arm and pull her closer. I kiss her head as she cries and I see Armin start to as well, joining in the hug. _Well, this isn't a good sign._ We stay like this until the doctor and Levi walk in. "Hi Eren, my name is Dr. Grey, I work with your father." _Shit. My dad is gonna be pissed about this._ The beeping speeds up again. "He's coming to work later today, said he'll come here then. I'm just gonna tell you what's going on since your friends here already know. We had to do a tracheotomy on your vocal cords. When the ball hit you, both your vocal cords were put into Paralysis. The surgery was to create an airway and a way to be able for you to eat orally. I'm sorry, Eren, but you won't be able to speak." She says and I just stare at her. Won't be able to speak. I let the words sink in as she waits for a response. "Are you okay?" She asks and I nod numbly. _Really? Am I okay? No, I'm not okay._ I'm not going to be able to speak. Ever. It takes a second for my body to catch up with my mind and I feel a tear coming down my face.

Levi grabs my hand again as I hear a pair of sniffles next to me. "I'll give you guys some time, then we can talk about treatment." The doctor says as she goes to leave. I lean forward and start to cry a silent cry. I've never been a significantly loud cryer, but it feels different now. It's literally not possible for me to make noise. That thought sets me off as I start to bawl, bringing my legs to my chest. I feel a pair of arms around me and look up to see Levi holding me.

"It'll be okay." He restates what Armin said, only with a tense change that entirely changes the meaning. He knows it's not okay. He knows I'm not okay. And it's okay not to be okay. So I continue to weep as two more pairs of arms join Levi's.

 

Levi's POV

 

They say it's shock. They say this is normal. Ever since Eren stopped crying, he's been staring blankly, drawn into himself. He won't even hold the pen, he just drops it when I put it in his hand. The only way I'd know anything is wrong is when he holds my hand. He squeezes it like a vice, still not looking at me. He's terrified.

His eyes are green and hidden, face emotionless. The haze over them lets me know that his mind is nowhere near here. I look at his arms through the gown to see the cuts going up the sleeves. They go up to his shoulders and are close together, showing his years and years of misery. I rub my thumb on them, tracing them as I try not to cry.

Mikasa and Armin are still sitting there, Mikasa bawling while Armin holds her. There's a thought biting at the back of my mind that I finally think of as his gaze drifts to our hands, eyes still glazed over. He just lost his only method of communication. That's enough to set anyone off. If his arms are anything to go by, he's already depressed, but good at hiding it. So, I guess the real question isn't if this will make him depressed, but will it send him to a breaking point? All I know is he's about to fall apart. I just hope it's not too many pieces.

 

Eren's POV

 

The next few days are the same. I don't move much. They force feed me liquified food, I pee when I need to, I sleep when the pain pill knocks me out, only to wake up in a jolt, and I stare blankly, lost in my thoughts. Levi doesn't leave my side the entire time, although others come and go. It's not a bad thing, they have their own lives, but it is nice to have Levi with me.

He doesn't sleep and it's starting to worry me, but I can't bring myself to tell him to sleep. I can't bring myself to do anything. I just lay here. Tonight is my last night here. I really don't want to go home. I don't think I can deal with all of this _and_ him. Grisha has come in twice and each time Levi stood between us, holding my hand. I don't really understand it, but I can tell he has a strong hatred towards my father. Whenever Grisha finally leaves, he sits with a sigh, not letting go of my hand.

Tonight, Levi started playing music on his phone for us to hear. I lay listening, letting the music distract me. I can tell he's trying to keep it together, trying to stay strong. It breaks my heart to see that I managed to break his. It's hurts to see a friend like this, I know it does. He's been so nice this whole time, but it's sad to say I lost my chance with him. No one wants a mute.

I pull the hand that's holding his closer and he looks up to me, obviously surprised to see me moving. I keep pulling to the point it's probably uncomfortable and he gets up and comes over. I scoot over to make him more room and he lays down facing me. He leans his forehead against my forehead and is eyes meet mine. "Hey," he whispers. I smile as a greeting, not sure what else to do. I pull my arms, now IV free, around his neck and pull him close and he does the same with my waist. It's not romantic and it's not seductive, but I can help that my heart is beating like a drum. His eyes fade into a blue I haven't seen since I've been here and I know he's gonna be okay. We lay like this, him not breaking the silence and me not wanting to do anything, until we fall asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah... It's alittle sad.


	14. Gone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, for starters, thank you guys so much for all the support! Last time I checked, I was near 2k hits, so thank you! Also, there were some comments on the last chapter where people seemed confused, so please comment any questions and I will answer them if they're not spoilers. Also, just comment for the hell of it. They honestly make me so happy, so thank ya'll:) So yeah... this chapter is sad and also kinda short. Triggers of self hate. All that fun stuff. Yup. I'm really at a lose of how to describe this chapter. And I do have to warn you, it gets worse before it gets better. So, enjoy... I guess... I'm sorry:/

Levi's POV

 

I woke up the next morning to the sound of sniffles and a wet chest. I look down to see Eren crying against me and I pull him tighter. Talking will do nothing right now, so I just hold him as he cries. I rub circles into his back, bare through his gown. His breathing through his nose is heavy and his shoulder shutter and I just wish I could help. He lifts his head to mine and sends me a weak smile as he calms down. I lean backwards to grab the notebook and turn back to see Eren shaking his head. That is, until I write.

 _"Maybe it'll help if I write to."_ I hand it to him and he smiles, genuinely this time.

 _"Yeah, I like that idea."_ He says and looks up to me.

 _"Nightmare?"_ I write and his eyes trail down again.

_"Yeah. It was about my mom."_

_"Yikes. I'm sorry."_

_"It's fine, they're fairly common, but this one sucked."_

_"You mind if I ask why?"_ He frowns deeply and looks down.

_"I couldn't talk to her."_

I look to him to see his eyes filled with tears again. "Oh, Eren." I say out loud and pull him closer. He closes his eyes as the streams come down from his eyes. I hold him close until he relaxes into my arms. After awhile, his eyes glaze over and I know his mind is gone. I lay for awhile until Armin comes into the room and smiles at us, even though I'm the only one facing the door.

He's visited everyday, sometimes skipping classes and sometimes after soccer. Pixis said it was okay that I skip as long as I come when Eren is out. Today is Wednesday so I'll probably just make practice after he's discharged. Hanji brought me some homework, but I'm a second semester senior so there isn't much to do, so I've been okay skipping.

Armin walks over to us and sits in his usual chair. "Hey guys." He says as he approaches us.

"Hey Mushroom," I say and he rolls his eyes.

"How is he?" Armin says, knowing Eren won't answer and might not hear.

"Eh," I say as I try to let Eren go so I can stand, but he doesn't let go of me. I stay there, but hand the notepad to Armin, knowing it's okay to show him, if anyone.

His face brightens when he sees Eren's writing, but darkens again as he reads the words. He looks over at the boy in my arms with a sad smile. "Well, it's progress I guess." He says, obviously not sure what else to say. I look to Eren with sadness in my heart.

Armin flips to a new page and begins writing, then shows it to me. _"How are you holding up?"_ He asks and I chuckle. He sends me a parental-like glare and I signal for the pen. _"I'm not the one to worry about."_ I write, but it's obvious that answer doesn't go over well. Getting up, he pats Eren's shoulder and leans down to talk in a soft voice. "Hey Eren, I need to talk to Levi. Can you let him go?" He asks gently and Eren lets go, eyes still glazed and staring at nothing. I slide out and pat his head before leaving the room, following Armin. Sitting in a chair in the waiting room, he sighs and looks up at me. "Seriously Levi, we're worried about you. I know how much this must hurt." He says and I sit next to him.

"I promise I'm fine," I say and he slaps the back of my head.

"Hey, what was that for?" I ask angrily and he rolls his eyes.

"That's for lying. You may be able to fool everybody else, but I can see past your mask. You love him and it's painfully obvious. And I'm not saying I don't approve, cause you two are cute and you obviously care about him, but a relationship is bad for him right now." He says and I nod.

"That honestly isn't a problem, he doesn't like me." I say and Armin rolls his eyes again. Damn, Mushroom is sassy today.

"If you say so. But anyway, thank you. It's nice to know that there's someone else that cares as much about him." He says genuinely.

"It's nothing. I'm just worried about him." I say.

"Me too. I've never seen him so down." He says and I nod, looking over to him.

"Do you think I can get into the security tapes for the hospital?" I ask and him eyes widen.

"Um, not without a lawyer or a warrant. Why? Should I be worried?" He asks and I shake my head.

"No, everything's fine." I lie with a smile. He looks incredulously at me and nods.

"Whatever you say..." He says and gets up to go back to Eren's room.

 

 

Eren's POV

 

 

I got discharged that afternoon. I didn't want to go home, so I wanted to go to soccer. The doctor said I could, but I couldn't practice and I have to make sure nothing hits me. I can't exercise for at least 6 weeks, so here I am, sitting on the bench next to Pixis at the field. He's asking me questions and I'm answering the 'yes' or 'no' ones. I don't think he realized I can't talk yet because he seems unfazed, unlike the rest of the team. They're all tiptoeing around me as Pixis asks questions that are starting to make me uncomfortable.

"Was your doctor a sexy lady doctor?" He asks and I can't help but feel offended for her for the sexist statement, but I guess she was pretty, so I nod and he laughs. "Did she give you any special treatment?" He asks and I just cringe, making him laugh more.

"Okay, well I'm gonna get the boys to scrimmage. You help me find their weak points. You know, work your magic on your own team. How does that sound?" He says and I mouth an "um" to him as he turns away. I start to worry how to "tell" him I can't talk until he hands me his whiteboard. "Write down anything I have to whoop their asses for." He says with a wink and goes to yell at the team.

Relieved, I sit down on the bench and make two columns: first string and second string. I start decorating the sides of it until a rather heavy plop happens next to me. I look up to see Jean with a rather constipated look on his face. Marco joins him more gracefully with water for both of them and a weary look on his face as well. They both visited me in the hospital, but I didn't really react much to anything they had to say.

"Hey Eren," Marco starts gently and I wave to him with a small smile that I hope for his sake is convincing.

"We just wanted to say sorry about everything." Jean says, his eyes not meeting mine and I'm confused. I flip the white board and jot a quick note.

 _"Why are you sorry? It's not you're fault."_ It says and he shrugs.

"Still..." His voice trails off and I roll my eyes.

 _"Thanks, but I don't want your pity."_ I write and Jean's eyes widen slightly and Marco smiles weakly.

"We know. He's just trying to help." He says and I look to them. Shit, I didn't mean to be so harsh.

 _"I'm sorry."_ I write and they start talking again but my mind is elsewhere. I can't keep hurting people with this. I think back to the note Armin and Levi wrote. After they left, I read it. I know when Levi is avoiding a question. I hurt him too. I make Armin and Mikasa cry. I can't keep this up. I underline my previous note and walk to Armin's car.

 

 

Levi's POV

 

 

I watch as he leaves practice with a lost look on his face. I don't even think he realized he left in the middle of Marco's sentence. I walk up to them as Jean picks up the clipboard.

"What happened?" I ask as Marco looks down at his water bottle.

"I think you can get the gist of it from this." Jean says as he hand me the clipboard. I read it over and sigh at the underlined  _" I'm sorry."_.

"He's really hurting, isn't he?" Marco asks and I nod, not seeing a point in lying. He looks to me in understanding and Jean face twists in a weird mix of sadness and rage.

"He was always bullheaded, annoyingly determined. What broke?" He says and looks up to me, but I can't bring my eyes to meet his as I answer.

"I think he broke."

 

 

Eren's POV

 

 

Armin drops me off at home and I stand outside for a good ten minutes trying to build up the nerve to go inside. I know he's home, the car is here, but I can't bring myself to move. I hear Armin honk his horn behind me and realize he's waiting for me to go inside before he leaves.

I open the door and shut it quietly, taking off my shoes as I wait for an impending punishment for everything. I get it as I turn around to a punch in the eye. I cup my throbbing eye as Grisha knees me in the balls. _Okay, ow._ I fall to the ground and he kicks my stomach.

"You little shit! You really are just a pain in my ass. Look, now you can't even talk to me. How pathetic." He says as he kicks my face. He's obviously too drunk to try and be discreet at this point as he steps on my hand. How the hell am I supposed to cover that, gloves? _Maybe it's pointless,_ I think as he kicks my side one last time before spitting on me.

"Carla deserved better than you." He says before going to the couch and flopping. I lay there in thought, not having enough effort to get up. I lift my hand to my throbbing eye to find it wet with tears, unsurprisingly. Only, I'm not crying because of the pain.

I'm crying because he's right.


	15. Bastard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey ya'll. I officially hit 2k hits, so thank you so much!!! I was gonna make it shorter, but then I got out of my writing funk and the rest of the chapter happened. So, self ham trigger. Sorry about that. Here you go! Enjoy!

Eren's POV

 

 

I wake up the next morning still on the floor. I go to move, but a pain in my side prevents it. _Can't I just stay here?_ I feel a vibrate under my butt.

Armin- Dude, we're gonna be late

Seriously, hurry up.

It's your first day back.

Do I need to come in there and drag you out?

Shit. I force myself to move against my will. Just because I don't want to go doesn't mean I should ruin Armin's attendance record. I get upstairs and put on a light blue sweater and grey jeans, adding a pair of grey converse.

I run to the bathroom and observe my eye. It's puffy and purple, some parts bright blue, still getting worse. I quickly put on coverup and put it in my pocket, knowing I'll need it later.

I grab an empty notepad and pen from my dad's office before picking my backpack up at the door and practically running out. I jot down a quick _"sorry"_ as I run and hand it to Armin once I get in the car. I notice I still have some makeup on my hand, so I rub it into the heel print before looking up to him.

He smiles to me and rolls his eyes. "Typical," he says as he pulls out, obviously not mad. On the way there I write a quick excuse to Armin's teacher and we run inside as soon as we pull in, five minutes late to class.

I take Armin to his class and he his teachers disappointment turn to confusion as she sees Armin at the door. "Armin, you're never late, what..." She stops as she sees me at the door. I walk up to her and hand her the note.

_"Armin was helping me research a sign language book. We lost track of time. It was my fault, I'm sorry."_ I say, not caring about the lie.

Ms. Rosen is a very eccentric science teacher here. Nice, but overzealous. I figure I need to find a book soon anyways, I guess and she probably already knows about my little issue since I have her sixth hour for chemistry while Armin takes AP physics. Ironic for the women who's body parts defy gravity.

Armin takes a senior science, which I become painfully aware of when I look at the kids in their seats to see Erwin giving me a sympathetic look in the second row next to Levi who is staring at my new black eye. I turn it away from him. "Oh Eren, I'm so sorry!" She says and awkwardly hugs me. I kinda of just stand there being pokes by her boobs until she lets go.

"I'll write you a pass. Who's your first hour?" She asks and I write down my Algebra teacher's name. Waving to Armin, I take the pass and leave. _Do I really need to go to Algebra?_ I walk to class only to walk into an awkward silence. _Oh, this is gonna get annoying real fast._

"Oh, hey Jaeger." Shadis says in an uncharacteristically soft voice that for some reason, only pisses me off. I put the slip on his desk and take my seat next to Marco. I scribble on the notepad and rip a piece and put it on his desk.

_"Sorry about yesterday. That was a jerk move."_ I say and he smiles warmly.

"It's okay." He whispers. I turn to the front of the room and pretend to listen to a rant about Trigonometry.

 

 

Levi's POV

 

 

I sit in my physics class bored out of my mind. Our teacher sucks so badly and she doesn't know what she's doing. I look over to Erwin to see him discreetly trying to pass me a note. I grab it, not caring about stealth and he glares at me.

"What was the point of trying if you're not gonna play along?" He whisper-scolds.

"I'm not gonna play along so there is no point." I whisper back as I open the thoroughly folded letter and he pouts.

_"So, I want to have sex with Armin but I don't know how to bring it up."_ It says and I nearly gag.

_"I didn't need to know that. Just ask him if he's ready."_ I say and hand it back. He frowns at the paper and jots down a quick note.

_"The sex itself isn't a problem. I don't know how to go about the whole 'who's bottom' thing."_ It says.

_"Dude, I think he'll be just fine bottoming."_ I wrote back and am surprised at the response I get.

_"That's the problem. I kinda want him to top."_ He wrote and I burst out laughing. I let out a loud, obnoxious laugh and look over to Erwin to see a scowl on his face.

"What's so funny Mr. Ackerman?" The teacher says.

"Your boob job," I answer, proud of myself for sounding serious. I see her pulling out a detention slip and laugh again, calmer this time. "It's a waste of time, I'm not gonna go and you know it." I say to her and she falters before putting the pad of paper away.

_"WHAT? But he's so small. It would only reach like halfway."_ I write and pass it over to him.

_"Dude, you'd be surprised. We fooled around a little and it's surprisingly big. I mean, look at his hands."_ He says and I look over to Armin who is still staring at me in shock.

I look down to his hands. "Not bad."

 

 

Eren's POV

 

 

I walk with Jean to lunch in awkward silence. I want to break it, but I don't want to have to write it. It's getting really old really fast. I'm gonna need to learn sign language asap cause doing this all the time is annoying. I just need someone else to learn it too. I'll get Armin to help me.

I go to buy hot lunch since I didn't pack a lunch this morning and everybody moves away from me, staring at me like some fragile being. It's as though I parted the fucking Red Sea with the way a path way cleared. I roll my eyes and turn back, not bothering with lunch and going to my lunch table.

I sit next to Armin and lean my head on his shoulder. _"I hate people."_ I write and show it to Armin and he laughs.

"What did people do to you this time?" He jokes and I scrunch my face in annoyance as an answer, causing him to laugh again. Marco and Jean are obviously still feeling awkward as the uncomfortably chuckle along. I can't bring myself to be that mad at them, but everybody else who is staring at me? Yeah, I can find it in me to be mad at them.

God, I just hate how everybody is acting around me. I'm mute, not dead. I get up and leave to avoid the stare of others. I go to the library and go to the historical fiction section to hide. Because, I mean, no one reads historical fiction.

I pull out my phone to find it dead, so I flipped to a new page in my notebook.I start drawing the outline of the books before someone sits next to me, pen in hand. _"Hey. How are you holding up?"_ Levi writes in his own notebook and I jot a note back.

_"Stop worrying about me so much. As sweet as it is, most of the school is already treating me like a delicate flower."_

_"Well that's annoying."_

_"Tell me about it."_

_"So basically, your day sucked?"_

_"Yeah."_

_"I'm sorry."_ He writes before pulling out his phone and a pair of headphones. He hands one of them to me, which I take, as we listen to music on his phone as we continue to talk about rather pointless stuff. After awhile and a bell, we stop talking and he slips his hand in mine. Neither of us care we're missing class.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

I head to Chem after missing my Econ class, not caring at the stares I get as I walk to my seat next to Mikasa. "Hey," she says quietly, too gently for my liking. I wave to her and face to front.

"Okay class, we're gonna have a lab today! Get with your lab partner and..." That's when I zone out since Mikasa will probably end up doing the lab. I move when everybody else gets up and sit at the lab bench and pull out a paper to record data.

This is obviously a filler, because looking down at the sheet, I see that we're just burning different elements to make the flame turn colors. Mikasa comes back with the Bunsen burner and Q-tips to burn the elements on.

Hitch the Bitch, as I dubbed her, comes up behinds me and slaps a hand on my shoulder, and being the bitch Hitch is, brings up something I'd rather not think about. "Better keep the Suicidal Bastard away from the flame." She announces with a laugh, only getting a response from her little group of friends.

I grab Mikasa's wrist before she can pounce and jot a note to her. _"Don't do it. She's not worth it."_ It says and she sighs.

"Fine," she says and I smile as she begins to murmur things about her being a "slutty little thot". I got the nickname by her little group of sluts after they found out that my mom died. Well, actually, they just called me a bastard. They started calling me Suicidal Bastard after I got into a couple, well, "accidents" during labs. Getting cut with an exact-o knife, burning myself, getting splashed with acid. Of course everybody thought it was an accident, but it wasn't really.

I sit at the table as Mikasa lights the burner. I think of the nickname. Suicidal Bastard. Bastard. She's dead. It's funny how a rude comment can pay as a much ruder awakening. She is dead. _Because of me._ Next thing I know, my sleeve is on fire.

"Eren!" Mikasa yells from across the room. The flame nips at my skin in a way that brings relief. It wouldn't be so bad. Death by flame. I think about this until Mikasa splashes water on me.

"You idiot!" She says as she hugs me. I'm suddenly self-conscious of the fact my sleeve is burned off. And the bruise showing on my hand. I wipe my bangs out of my eyes and look at my hand. Thinned makeup comes with the water. Shit. As soon as Mikasa breaks the hug, I grab my books and run out of the room. The closest bathroom is down the hall so I run in there hoping it's empty. It's not.

"Eren?" Armin says as he approaches me. Grabbing a paper towel and wetting it, he comes and wipes the makeup off my face lightly enough that it doesn't hurt. But he gets lighter as I start to cry. "What happened?" He asks and I know I don't have much wiggle room on this, but I don't grab paper to answer. He can't know.

I look down to my arm as he grabs it. Now that, _that_ hurts. I gasp at the pain and he brings me to the sink and runs cold water. My cuts look more noticeable with the burn, but he doesn't seem to notice as his thumb slides over the bruise taking up most of my hand. The bruise that looks an awful lot like a heel.

He doesn't say anything as he gets his phone out and takes pictures of my arm. I yank it from him as he turns it up and takes a picture of my face. "What the hell." I mouth to him and he looks to me with his mothering look.

"I know you're gonna try to blow this off, but now I have proof it happened." He says as he shoves his phone back in his pocket. He walks up to me and pulls the makeup out of my back pocket. I shoot him a surprised look and he rolls his eyes. "I'm not blind," he says and starts applying it too my face.

He's much better than I am at it, effectively evening the tone of my  skin. I look in the mirror to see the work he did, then look at him questioningly. "Listen, I know you probably have a reason for hiding this, but you're gonna have to tell me. You're my best friend, you can trust me. You can trust Mika too, but she might murder whoever did this to you." He says as he hands me the compact.

I wrap my arms around him, ignoring the sting on my arm I get in return, and he hugs back. I'm happy the no one else is in the bathroom, because we stay like this for awhile.

 

 

Levi's POV

 

 

"We need to talk," Armin says as he pulls me into the janitors closet. My mind flashes back to Petra and my breakup and I know the circumstance is a lot different here. Armin whips out his phone and shows me a conversation with Mikasa on his phone.

 

To Mika: What happened to Eren?

From Mika: He got burned by the Bunsen Burner.

To Mika: How? What happened?

From Mika: I don't know, my back was turned, but this time seemed different. He didn't react, just watched the flame. I'm scared.

To Mika: Me too

 

He pulls his phone and hands it back to me in a few seconds. "Scroll." He says and I look at the picture. The first one is a square-shaped bruise on his hand, making most of it purple and green. The next one is the burn I know will leave blisters later. I scroll to the last one to see a blue bruise on his face. I noticed it was puffy earlier, but this is bad. You can see the veins under his eye and the red around his eye, indicating he'd been crying. His hair is wet and he looks shocked, eyes green with blue seeping in.

I look up to Armin and see him sad and angry at the same time. "Talk." He demands and I'm confused.

"What do you mean?" I ask and he rolls his eyes frustratedly.

"Does this have anything to do with why you want the hospital tape?" He asks and I think. I know Grisha did something, but would he do this. Maybe I underestimated him too much.

"Probably." I answer and he nods.

"My grandpa is a lawyer, he could probably get them for up, but it'll take a couple days at least." He says and I feel an overwhelming sense of relief. I pull him into a hug and he sighs as well.

"Thank you, Armin."


	16. Day After Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... I made the chapter name the name of the song. Cause I really like the song I put in. Badfinger is a great band, so I hope ya'll like that. 
> 
> So, I do something in this chapter I wouldn't normally do so easily. Eren is gonna talk stuff out with Historia and Ymir. I make this so easy to show the kind of person Eren is, too sweet for his own good. I don't think cheating is good and I probably should've done more with this, but I'm moving this part along a bit. Sorry if that bothers any of you.
> 
> This is a rather fluffy chapter, but I'm just gonna warn you now for the next chapter............ So feel free to comment and enjoy!

Eren's POV

 

 

"Okay, so I'm gonna start with common phrases." Armin says as he flips through the book. He agreed to teach me sign language after soccer practice, so here we are in his room with a book he picked up before we came here. "This is how..." He put his fists together. "Are..." He opens them and twists them out. "You?" He points to me. I try it and he smiles.

"Okay, cool. Now let's try responses." He says and flips through. "Good." He has his left hand flat in front of him, palm up, and his right hand against his mouth. He then lowers his right hand into the left hand.

"Bad." He moves his right hand to his lips and lowers it, facing down. "Okay." He makes an 'O' with his right hand then makes a 'K' while moving it forward slightly.

"And shitty, also the sign for shit or poop." He puts his fist together, one on top of the other, and pull them apart, showing his bottom thumb was tucked in his top fist. I let out a silent laugh as I hear the door open. "Oh, hey guys!" Armin says and I turn to see Mikasa, Levi, Erwin, and Hanji come in. Suddenly confused, I write a note to Armin.

_"What are they doing here?"_ He looks up to me and smiles.

"They came to learn with you." He says and I turn to them.

Levi signs "how are you" and I feel my eyes widen as stare turn to him. "What? I started early." He says looking down shyly.

_"Confused, but..."_ I write and show it to him then sign _"okay"_. He smiles to me and I turn back to Armin, who's smirking at the exchange. Hanji comes and pins me down on the bed, peppering my face with kisses. If it was anyone else, I'd be scared, but I'm not even surprised with her.

"Eren! I missed you so much!" She says as she nuzzles her face next to my head. I smile, unable to move my hands until Levi grabs the back of her head.

"Shitty Glasses, lay off, you're boobs are probably crushing him." He say, referring to her estrogen-induced a-cups that have grown as of the late. She turns around and hugs Levi.

"Aww, thanks for staring, my little midget." She says and it looks as though there's steam coming from his ears.

"I think he's gonna explode." Erwin says from his place next to Armin. Mikasa giggles from the beanbag chair in the corner of the room and Hanji backs off of Levi and joins Mikasa in the same corner on another beanbag. Levi takes a deep breath through his nose before coming and sitting next to me, bed creaking under the weight of four teenaged boys.

"So, what did we miss?" Erwin says as he wraps an arm around his small boyfriend.

"Only responses and Levi's favorite word." Armin says and everybody laughs.

"Hey, I got a sign for you, Mushroom." Levi says before sticking up his middle finger.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

The next day is dreadful as I struggle through the day. I was told we're going to have to give a presentation in my language class. I don't know how I'm supposed to speak German anymore, but the teacher looked awfully uncomfortable as he assigning the project. I guess I have to learn GSL along with ASL. Fuck that, I'll just write a damn paper.

There's something about not being able to speak that's more unbearable than not talking. It's not communicating. You can't just talk like before. You write or sign, and since I only know how to sign basic words, that's not an option. I don't think I've truly felt like I've had a real conversation since the incident. I ponder this as I walk to my last class, English.

I sit down at my desk and listen to Ms. Baker continue to rant about King Lear and Glouster and his immoral punishment for moral doings as I read it over again. It's annoying as hell to have to listen to my teachers amateur interpretation of the story. I sit and try not to write a correction and throw it at my teacher as she spits out incorrect facts of how Glouster gets his eyes gouged out.

About halfway through class, I allow my mind to wander until I hear a voice above me. "Eren? Would you like to repeat what I just said?" My teacher asks to me, pulling me out of my daze, and I send her the harshest glare I can before she covers her mouth. "Shit, I'm sorry. Oh god, sorry for swearing, class!" She says as her face is overcome with a blush from the laughter of the class while I just want to die. I pack up my things and leave without explanation and without question and sit down next to my locker.

"She's an idiot." A small voice says as a figure sits next to me. I look up to see Historia and Ymir sitting next to me and I move to get up. "Eren, wait!" Historia grabs my arm and I can't find it in me to say no. I stay seated and give her and her girlfriend an expecting look. "Listen, I'm so sorry. I know what I did was wrong and I shouldn't have done it, but we had been going down different paths from the start." She says and it takes everything in me not to leave, and I guess Ymir sees that because she speaks up.

"Hun, let me handle this." She says to her then leans forward to talk more to me. "She loved you and you loved her, but I think it's obvious to anyone that that love faded from romantic to friendly. I know you still love her as a friend and you have every right to be mad at both of us, but we're trying here." She says and I examine at her, testing to see the honestly of her statement.

"Armin bitched up out and had to hold back Mikasa. I think Levi may be plotting my death." Historia says with an uncomfortable giggle. "I know this in no way make up for what we did, but I want to work towards forgiveness." she continues.

I pull out my notebook and write what I want to say then show it to them, seeing them both relax at what's written. _"What you did was really terrible. I'm still mad, but I forgive you both. You're right. I do love Historia as a friend. You too Ymir, despite our differences, or in this case similarities."_ Ymir laughs at it and leans to kiss Historia on the cheek and I fake puke at it, making them laugh.

"Thanks for being cool about it, Eren." Ymir says and I smile and jot down another quick note.

_"Thanks for not treating me different cause I can't talk to you."_ I don't look at them as they read it but suddenly feel arms around me.

"Wouldn't dream of it." Historia says as Ymir joins the hug by moving to the other side of me. We just sit there for awhile, them trying to make small talk and me writing back, until Ms Baker comes looking for us.

"I'm so sorry, Eren. I really wasn't thinking." She says, face still flushed from embarrassment and guilt. I write a response and hand it to her.

_"It's fine. And just so you know, Glouster didn't have his eyes plucked out, they were stomped out. Historically speaking, that was how it happened."_ She looks up at me with wide eyes and back at the paper.

"I should probably tell the class that. I would love it if you would come back to class. And you girls have to come back to class." She says and I glance to the girls next to me. I then get up and follow the teacher back to her room.

 

 

Levi's POV

 

 

"Mikasa, we need your help." Armin says as we approach her. They both have free period and I have no problems skipping class. We sit down at her table in the library and he pulls out a piece of paper, knowing this is a quiet conversation. _"We think Grisha is abusive."_ He writes and Mikasa shakes her head.

"You think? We both know it doesn't work that way." She says.

When Mikasa was young, her mom was verbally abusive to her behind closed doors. When she told Armin and Eren, they talked her into tell Kenny. Kenny almost instantly divorced her, only after recording an exchange. That recording is how he won custody. But this, if true, has a much more serious punishment, and she knows this.

_"I think we might be able to get proof, we just have to figure out how."_ I write and Mikasa raises an eyebrow.

"How?" She whispers and I keep writing.

_"I think he did something to Eren in the hospital. I just need to get the tape."_ I say and she nods.

_"We need to talk to Kenny. And Eren can't know. There has to be a reason he's defending his father, so we'll keep it on the down low for now."_ She writes and Armin and I nod in agreement.

 

 

Eren's POV

 

 

Tonight is the game against the Titans. It's the game that determines whether or not we go to regional. As cheesy as it is, it's also our school rival. It's literally like every cliché high school movie. I walk in with Pixis and we sit by the bench during the end of warmup.

"Okay, Jaeger. I really need you tonight. You need to figure out how we can beat them. They always seem a step ahead of us, but if you focus, you can find something. Okay?" He says and I nod. Pixis calls all the player over as I start making a chart of the players when I hear a voice from over yonder.

"Hey, aren't you the guy that got the voice kicked out of him last week?" The knuckle gripping the whiteboard turn white. I look up to see an lanky looking guy with long blonde hair and obnoxiously straight teeth. I roll me eyes and finish making my list. "Oh, so you're not going to answer me?" He says and I take a deep breath. _He's not worth it. He's not worth it._ "Little pussy can't even talk back." I slam the board down and start to cross the way over to the asshole, but a hand on my arm stops me.

"Don't do it, Eren." Hannes says with a worried face. I nod and go back to my side where the team is back and waiting, half glaring at the other team and other half looking to me as though I might explode. I pick up the white board and everybody cheers at what I have to say. _"Let's beat these assholes."_

 

 

Levi's POV

 

 

After the game and us qualifying for regionals, we all go to the 104th for karaoke night. It's a little awkward at first, Eren not being able to participate, but then Hannes comes out with a large case. "So, you're mother wanted me to save this for your eighteenth birthday, but I don't care." He says as he walk up to Eren, who looks shocked at the mention of his mother.

"When your mom was young, she was very talented. She always loved music and she always played here. When she had you, she told me to hide this at my house. After she died, I decided to go along with it, but I see that it's better to give to you now." Hannes says and opens the case to show an old acoustic guitar. Eren gently takes it out as if it's made of glass. It's old and warn with band and music festival stickers all over it. New strings are with it and a small bag of picks.

He starts to pluck at the strings to find them already tuned. I look up to Hannes so see him smiling down to Eren with affection. Eren reaches up and pulls out a locket from under his shirt. He holds it in his fist as a tear rolls down his cheek, but he has a smile on his face. "Play! Play! Play!" Reiner yells and everybody else chimes in.

Connie pulls him out of his seat and gets him up on the stage and Eren blushes as everybody starts cheering. He looks down at me as he puts the strap over his shoulder. He waves for me to come up and I shake my head. Then Connie comes up to me and pulls me on the stage too.

"Um..." I say as I look over to Eren to see him smiling at my discomfort. I think today is the first time I've seen him truly smile in a week. Maybe that's what allows me to feel confident enough to walk up to him and whisper in his ear. "I missed your smile, Bright Eyes." I say, lips brushing his ear as he blushes a deep red. I hear a catcall from our group and give the bird in that general direction.

Eren starts to play the tabs of an old favorite song of mine and I look to him in surprise. He looks up at me, flushing deeper as I take the mic and look back at him.

 

 

_I remember finding out about you_

_Everyday my mind is all around you_

_Looking out of my lonely room_

_Day after day_

_Bring it home maybe make it soon_

_I give my love to you_

 

We move so we're brushing shoulders as he plays and I sing. I watch him as he bites his lip and I sing the next verse.

 

 

_I remember holding you while you sleep_

_Everyday I feel the tears that you weep_

 

I take the mic off the stand and turn to him as I finish the final chorus.

 

_Looking out of my lonely gloom_

_Day after day_

_Bring it home maybe make it soon_

_I give my love to you_

 

We start leaning towards each other until our lips are about to touch, then someone whistles in our group and we separate. I feel my face heat up as I look to a crowd of shit-eating grins.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

As soon as I get out of the car, Eren pulls on my sleeve. _"I don't wanna go inside. Walk with me?"_ He writes and I nods. He waves back to Mikasa and Armin, who send a smirk to me before going inside.

We walk along the dimly lit neighborhood in silence as his hand slides into mine. Our fingers lace together and he pulls me towards the park by the front of the neighborhood. He stops in a spot in the grass and lets go of my hand as he lays down. I look around, making sure I don't lay in dog shit as I lay next to him.

He pulls out his phone and types something before showing it to me. _"I'm sorry, it was nice out and I just wanted to do something different."_ He says and I take his phone and type back. _"It's fine, it was a good idea."_ He reads it and smiles.

He grabs my hand and scoots closer to me. We're chest to chest and forehead to forehead as his eyes glow under the streetlights. It's beautiful. He's beautiful. I reach my spare hand up to push some of the hair out of his face and he tucks his head bashfully. I keep playing with his hair as I lean down until our noses are touching and stop. I don't push it, just keep like this.

My heart bangs in my chest as we lay like this. His legs tangle in mine so our bodies are intertwined. There's nothing sexual about the act, but it does make this seem a lot more intimate. Make us seem less like friends and more like lovers. I squeeze his hand and he closes his eyes with a smile. We're silent, but I don't feel awkward. More like content. Like all I need is here with me. And that's because he is.

His hand that's not holding mine moves to the small of my back and he rubs circles into it. He looks at me with a look in his eyes I can't describe, but love it. No, love him. I'm in love with him. His lips are so close to mine, I can feel his breath. I want nothing more than to kiss him. I

can't do it though. Armin is right. He couldn't have a relationship right now even if he wanted to, he's not stable. He needs to get better. I notice his gaze drifting towards the bridge and it serves as a reminder of just that. "Should we get going?" I say and his eyes flash back to me and he nods.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH YEAH, EREN AND HIS SHAKESPEARE! Sorry, I'm a geek and I read that in school...


	17. Suicidal Bastard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You are all about to hate me so much... I think that's a warning. If that isn't a warning, this is: TRIGGER WARNING. There's a rape within like the first 3 paragraphs, but I let it vague. I just can't bring myself to make it worse. It's horrible enough. I added a new tag(well I'm gonna after I update) and it takes place in this chapter. I'm so sorry, but this is important to the story. Please discuss in the comments. I'm sorry. I'd say enjoy, but that's cruel.

Eren's POV

 

 

I got home with a giddy smile on my face the next day. Everything had been perfect. The game, Mom's guitar, Levi... everything felt right. I even get to go back to the Ackerman's tonight. But something started nipping at my brain after Levi fell asleep. Do I deserve this? I get the answer as my head hits the door.

"You worthless piece of shit." _Oh._ My head slams against the door again and I start to feel dizzy. He yanks my hair and pushes me to the floor. "You're a useless whore, you know that?" He says as he rips my pants down. _No. Not again. Not when everything was going so well._

I guess he already had a condom ready, because it's a rather quick start. He's stretching me out with his dick as the pain of being ripped apart goes through me. "You're pathetic. Worthless." He says as he gets himself off. "You're nothing but trash. Maybe I should just put you in the trash." He voice starts to falter as he reaches his peak and I feel disgusted in both him and I. He's right. Well, minus the whore part, but still.

He groans as he reaches his breaking point and pulls out quickly. He spits on me for the second time in four days as I lay there, blood leaking from my ass onto the floor. "Maybe you should just die." He says before going into his room. _You're right. Maybe I should just die._ Exhaustion hits me as my eyelids get heavy. _Maybe I should die. But sleep first._

 

 

Levi's POV

 

 

"Armin, isn't Eren coming over?" I ask him and he smiles smugly at me. "Yeah, I think he's on his way." He says and Mikasa laughs. "I'm glad he's doing better." Mikasa says. I frown at that. He just started talking to everyone again and he seems to be looking up, but I don't believe he's really doing better. It doesn'r happen that fast, especially when it's that bad. My thoughts are confirmed when I get a text.

 

From Eren: I can't do this anymore.

 

I look up to Mikasa and she seems to sense the situation and comes over.

 

To Eren: What do you mean?

From Eren: I'm sorry.

 

Mikasa's and Armin's phones both ring and I know they probably got the same text. Fuck. Fuck no. I'm not stupid, I know what that means. I leave the house before I know what I'm doing. I sprint over to his house, terrified of what I might find. I'm thankful for the short distance as I quickly reach his house. His front door is wide open and I see blood on his floor. I hear someone behind me, but keep looking in to see if there's an sign he's in there.

I'm about to go inside when it hits me. Last night in the park. _The bridge._ I turn around and run past Mikasa and Armin as I go to the front of the subdivision. I look at the bridge to see Eren on the outside of the rail, holding on but leaning forward. The water crashes beneath him as he looks down. _I have to make it._

I'm a few feet away when he lets go. I wrap my arms around his chest just in time so that he doesn't fall. I pull him over and we fall on the sidewalk. He looks at me with surprised eyes as I wrap my arms around him.

"Oh my god, Eren. Why?" I say muffled into his shoulder as I start to cry. I hear footsteps slow down next to me as I make Eren's shirt even more damp since water had splashed on him.

"Eren... your pants... what...?" Armin says and I look down to it to see blood near the back of the butt, running down the seam.

_Oh my god._

I feel two other pairs of arms around us as I weep into his shoulder. I hear Eren sniffle and I pull him closer, if that's possible with our legs awkwardly crushed together.

I pull back abruptly and yank him to his feet. "You... are not... going back there." I say and his eyes don't meet mind as my voice breaks. I pull him by his arm the long way home so he doesn't have to pass by his house.

 

 

Eren's POV

 

 

They let me use the shower and sleep in Levi's bed. His room is grey and red, surprisingly calming as I lay there. But I can't lay still. I was supposed to die. _Why didn't I die?_ Oh right, he saved me. I remember how devastated he looked, as though my death would mean something to him. Why? All I've done is hurt him. I walk over to his desk and pull out a piece of paper. I need to explain.

I write and rewrite, trying to make it perfect. When I deem it acceptable, I walk downstairs and pass by the living room. Mikasa is weeping and Armin is holding her with a tired look in his eye. Annie, Hanji, and Erwin are on the other couch and notice me. Erwin looks shocked and Annie looks mad hurt and Hanji is crying lightly. I look away and keep walking.

I walk to the basement to find Levi sitting on the couch alone. It's almost nostalgic of our first night when I found him down here. I guess it's the same in a way. I sit down next to Levi and put the notebook I wrote in on his lap. He looks up at me in surprise before reading my note.

 _"I think you deserve an explanation. When I was 11, my mom died. It's not exactly a secret, but how she died is. My mom died after we went downtown. We were walking down the street when a guy came to mug her. I tried to protect her, but he just shoved me to the side. He stabbed her in front of me. If it wasn't for Hannes being close enough to hear my scream, I would've been kidnapped_ _or killed._

_"Hannes took me home to my dad and my dad blamed me. Told me how worthless and weak I was. He was right. It all started with beatings. Never too bad, just bruises and aching. When I got to high school, he started raping me. I tried to fight back, but it didn't work. I was too weak. I gave up after that, figured this is life._

_Well, after losing my voice, it just felt... pointless. I couldn't fool myself into being normal. I'm not normal. The pain in my heart and throat live as proof. My mom died because of me. It's my fault she's dead. It's cruel to her that I'm still alive. I wanted to_ _stop causing everyone pain. I wanted to die. But you stopped me."_

He looks up to me with his eyes blue and open for me to see and I'm taken aback by what I see. He's sad. _Why is he sad?_ He puts his arms around me and pulls me as close as he can. I sit still, confused on why he's hugging me. He knows. He knows I killed her. Why would he hug a killer? Why would he feel sad for a killer? _Why did he save me?_ I don't notice I'm crying until he pulls back and wipes my tears with his thumb.

"Eren, you deserve to live." He says as he puts a hand on either side of my head. I shake my head, but he holds it still. "No, you listen to me. That wasn't your fault. You tried to save her, which is more than most people would've done. You're brave and wonderful and thoughtful. You're dad is a despicable person. No, there's not a word that describes just how horrible he is.

"You are worth so much, Eren, and you have so many people who love you: Armin, Mikasa, just so many people who couldn't bear to lose you. I can't lose you, Eren. As selfish as that sounds, I can't lose you. I'm not letting you quit because some asshole told you you're weak, because you're the strongest, best, most amazing person I have ever met and you deserve happiness." By the time he finishes, he's crying with me.

 _Is... is that true? Do I deserve happiness? How could I?_ I close eyes and cry even harder as Levi pulls me onto his chest. I shake my head and he rests his chin on my head.

"You are good, Eren. You are good."

_No I'm not._

"You deserve to be happy."

_No I don't._

"You deserve to live." I push him away and get up.

"No." I mouth to him and his eyes widen. I pick up the notepad and write to him. _"No. I'm not good. Someone is dead because of me. It should have been me. I should have died. I wish I had died."_ I throw the notebook at him and walk upstairs. I pass by the living room without looking in it and go upstairs. When I get to Levi's room, I slam the door, feeling slightly bad at how rude that is, and lay down on his bed.

 

 

Levi's POV

 

 

I read it over and over again. _"I should have died."_ There are wet blotches on the paper coming from tears, but I can't stop reading it. _"I wish I had died."_ I don't know how long it is that I read and reread that line until I feel someone snake their arms around my waist.

"Hey." Hanji says and I lean into her.

"I'm so stupid." I say and she holds me close.

"No you're not, you're smart in a crappy circumstance." She says.

"How? How does he think he's bad? He the furthest thing from bad." I say and I feel her nod next to my head.

"I know." She says and I hand her the paper.

"I had no idea. I mean, I had my guesses about his father, but this..." I say as she reads it. She sets it down with a shaking hand after she's done.

"Oh my." She breathes out and I hug her again. "I'm so sorry." She says quietly and it's my turn to shake my head.

"I'm not the one to feel sorry for." I say and there's suddenly a large arm around both of us.

"Everything will be okay guys." Erwin says and I shake my head again. I'm doing that a lot tonight.

"I don't know if it will." I say and his other arm wraps around us.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

We eventually go back upstairs to see all of Eren's friends here. Even Historia and Ymir and here and if Hanji wasn't holding my arm, they might not be alive.

Bert is staring blankly and Reiner has his arm around him.

Jean and Marco are sitting in the lazyboy chair together and Connie is holding Sasha as she eats ice cream.

Eld and Gunther are here and Annie is still here holding Mikasa.

Armin is next to them with heavy eyes and he looks like he might just pass out due to stress.

As we come in the room, Petra and Oluo walk into the house. Petra runs up to me and hugs me while Oluo walks in with bags. "We stopped by the 104th and talked to Hannes. He gave us food for everybody." Oluo says. _Hannes. That day. Eren's mother._ I feel a wave of sadness take over and start to cry again.

I don't know when I became such a sap, but it obviously is a surprise to everybody as they stare at my with wide eyes as I cry into Petra's shoulder. She holds me while I still have my grip on the notebook, making her shoulder wet with my tears. The pain building in my chest is unbearable as Hanji and Petra bring me over to the spare couch.

Erwin goes and sits by Armin, who practically falls on his shoulder. I curl into a ball and start crying an awful cry, not even caring about everybody else in the room. I realize I should explain this to Mikasa and Armin, so I uncurl myself long enough to get Erwin to grab the notebook and hand it to them.

Mikasa freezes and stares with wide eyes as Armin takes me by surprise. He stands up and starts to walk away, but Erwin grabs him. Armin glares at his boyfriend as he restrains him. "That fucker need to die." Armin says with an anger that surprises everybody. It's as though him and Mikasa switched bodies or something.

Mikasa gets up and grabs Armin's spare hand. "This isn't the time to do anything rash. We can use that statement as proof, plus the pants he was wearing earlier." She says and I cringe at the memory of his blood stained pants. I go back into my little ball and there's a pale hand on my knee. Mikasa is in front of me with closed off, grey eyes, yet a sympathetic face. She's hurting, but she doesn't want to show it.

Armin sits back on the couch as Erwin picks up the notebook and reads everything. He looks up at me with a sad look and hands it around. I don't watch the reactions, just listen. Some people don't breathe unless it's a gasp, some people cry, some people are just quiey. I hear the rustle of paper next to me and know Petra is reading it. She sets it down softly and puts her arms around me. I grab it and pull it close as I begin to weep again.


	18. Aftermath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm just gonna start here by saying THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH!!! The comments on the last chapter all made me so happy, so thank you! Like, I honestly can't even put into words how happy that made me:) okay, so about the chapter, nothing to major. Mostly plot involved stuff. So here you go. Enjoy!

Eren's POV

 

 

I wake up from my sleep in a sweat. It was just a dream. _Was it?_ I run my fingers though my hair and try to calm down. Levi's sheets stick with sweat to my chest. Well, he's gonna hate that. I shed my shirt and walk around in a pair of sweatpants Mikasa gave me. Well, more so threw at me. I should check on her.

I look out the window to see the sun just coming over the horizon. It's Sunday, I think. My mouth is extremely dry, so I go to the bathroom and put my head in the sink, washing my face since I'm already down there. I take a look in the mirror to see my bruises without coverup. My eye is still blue, but not as bright and less puffy, but a new bruise is forming on my forehead from getting my head banged on the door. I rub it lightly and cringe at the pain. Yeah, that's gonna be a bad one.

I hear a door open and a small figure with black hair comes in. He goes to his drawer and pulls out a pair of pants. He's about to take off his current pair until I knock on the bathroom doorframe. He looks up in a slight panic and stays just as rigid as his eyes start to trail down my body. "Shit." He says and walks over to me.

He first pushes the hair out of my new bruise and looks at that. He outlines it with his fingers, so soft, as if I might break. He trails down my neck to my chest and I have to suppress a shiver at the feeling. He starts looking at the marks along my chest, lashings from the belt, and I guess he sees one travel to my back, because he walks behind me and starts looking at the ones back there. He traces one line from the top of my shoulder to the small of my back and sighs sadly. He leans his head against my back. I lean into the touch before he quickly moves.

"I'm gonna change then make breakfast. I'll change in the bathroom and you grab a shirt from the drawer." He says, eyes not meeting mine, before grabbing his pair of pants from before and a new sweatshirt. He passes by me and shuts the door as I grab his big, black sweater. I pull it on real quick and decide to head downstairs. I ignore the pain in my ass as I walk down the stairs.

As soon as I'm down there, I'm practically tackled by Mikasa and Armin. They both latch there arms around me and I hug them back. They don't say anything, but it's a nice moment. Until I look up.

Everybody is there, staring at me sadly. What are they doing here? _Are they... here because of me?_ I walk in the room and see something white laying on the couch next to Petra. No one says anything as I cross the room and pick it up and see the handwriting. My handwriting. Pen still tucked in the spine.

I pull in out and write a note as Levi comes down the stairs. I march up to him and grab his arm to pull him into the kitchen. He doesn't resist as I pull him past Mikasa and Armin. Once were in the kitchen, I practically throw the notebook at him.

_"They read it, didn't they?"_ He looks up in confusion.

"Yeah," He says plainly and I rip the book out of his hands.

_"That isn't a public document. That's my life. They all know. What the hell are they even doing here? They know. Why are they still here?"_ I rant-question on paper and stare holes into Levi as he reads it.He look up to me with sorrowful eyes.

"Because you didn't do anything wrong. Because they care about you. I'm sorry I did it, but I think it proves my point." He says and my glare falters. "You're a good person and they know that. Is that so hard to believe?" He says and seems frustrated as I nod.

He goes to the fridge and pulls out the eggs, a bowl of fruit, and milk then grabs a cutting board from a cabinet. He sets it all down and puts both his hands on the counter, leaning forward. "You don't have to stay in here." He says then goes to get a bowl to make the eggs. _But I want to,_ I think to myself as I go grab a knife to cut fruit. As soon as I grab it, there's a hand holding my wrist. I look up to Levi to see a scared look on his face. "Put it down." He says and I roll my eyes.

I put it down and grab a pen and write to him. _"I just want to help."_ I say and he sighs.

"Thank you, but I'm not gonna let you get hurt." He says and turns away. "I'd never forgive myself if you got hurt." He murmurs so quietly, I'm surprised I heard it. Just that alone makes my heart beat faster. _How does he still care?_ I walk up to him and hug his neck and kiss the side of his head. He relaxes into me and we stay like this for awhile until he turns his head so he's facing me.

"All those people in there are waiting for you and you're keeping me from cooking. I'm kicking you out of the kitchen, Bright Eyes." He says, but I catch the amusement in his voice. I nod and grab my notebook before going into the somber living room.

I walk over and sit by Mikasa and just hug her. I owe it to her, I've been too distant lately. I pull her close until she practically sits in my lap and I just hold her. Armin leans his head on my shoulder and grabs my hand, fingers lacing together. No one says anything, but some people start to fall asleep, as though they just calmed down. And maybe they have.

A flood of guilt comes over me at the thought as I put my chin on top of Mikasa's head. Kenny suddenly comes home and looks over at us, raises an eyebrow, and walks in the kitchen.

 

 

Levi's POV

 

 

"You know I'm okay with people over, but why are there so many tired looking people in the living room?" Kenny asks as he closes the door to the kitchen. He had been on a date with his new boyfriend last night and I guess stayed overnight due to his clothes.

I scrap the cooked eggs off the bottom of the pan to scramble them and look up to him. "Kenny, I need your help." I say and he raises an eyebrow.

"I'm gonna need some details, kid." He says and sits down on the peninsula. I roll my eyes at his joking implication.

"Eren tried to kill himself last night." I say and Kenny freezes.

"Oh." He says shortly, looking down in though.

"His dad is abusive and I think I can get proof. Can you help me get it?" I ask and he leans his head on his hand.

"Again, Levi. I need details." He says, seriously this time.

"I think that he did something while Eren was in the hospital." I say and he nods. "Armin talked to his grandpa and he said that he could do it, but we'd need someone to have custody because it'd be for a full law suit since he can't get a warrant." I say and he nods again.

"Well, I'd say I'd take him, but since you obviously like the boy, that wouldn't work." He says and my face starts to heat up.

"Um... okay... well, maybe Hannes." I say, thinking back to everything with him. He obviously cares deeply about Eren, so it might work.

"Then you really don't need my help here." Kenny says as I finish the eggs. It's a huge ass pile, but there's a huge ass amount of people. I grab two mugs and pour Kenny and myself some coffee.

"Thanks Kenny." I say and don't wait for an answer as I walk into the living room. "There's food for anyone who wants it." I whisper-shout and a few people nod, but no one moves. I take a seat next to Petra, sleeping with Oluo, and Mobilt, who had come later in the night, who is holding Hanji. I give him a small smile, knowing that this is a step forward in his wheeling of the romantically oblivious woman.

I pull my legs up to sit crisscross, holding my mug in my lap, and look at everyone in the room. Most have fallen asleep for the first time, I guess feeling better now that Eren is here. He's playing with Mikasa's hair as she sleeps in his lap.

Jean is doing the same to Marco, who silently cried too much last night for anyone's liking. Jean is also glaring at Eren, but I can tell he's using his bravado to avoid his feeling. He cares about Eren, like all of us, but he won't admit it.

Connie and Sasha are full out cuddling as they sleep, Connie snoring and Sasha drooling. _Tch, figures._

Historia and Ymir are next to them. Ymir is the one asleep as she lays in her girlfriends lap.

Bert and Reiner are both just blankly staring in thought.

Annie is watching over Mikasa intently, much like Erwin watching Armin.

Armin is looking at Eren and his hands, probably thinking the thought that many are avoiding right now. We almost lost him. I feel a pain spread in my chest at that thought.

Eren looks up to Armin and write something that literally none of us have thought and Armin reads out loud quietly. _"Should I call the police?"_ We're all idiots.

 

 

Eren's POV

 

 

_"Should I call the police?"_  Armin reads and laughs lightly. "Yes, you should." He says oddly happily. I don't know if I deserve it or not, but I can't go home to that. I can't live through that again. I've been ignoring pains in my legs due to it this morning.

Armin quickly takes his phone out of his pocket, waking Mikasa as he crashes around. She doesn't ask what's happening as Armin pulls up the dial screen. "What do you want me to say?" He asks and I think about this. Do I say everything? How long? What if they ask why I haven't said anything sooner? I'll just keep it vague. I pick up my pen and start writing.

I show it to Armin and he reads it over before dialing 911. "Hello? Yes, hello, my name is Armin Arlert." He says before starting to read. "I'm speaking on behalf of my friend, Eren Jaeger. He's can't speak due to a soccer accident a week ago. He was raped by his father last night. Yes, I'll hold." He says and there's a pause. When the phone comes back on, he says his own words instead of my own.

"Yes, his father is Grisha Jaeger. Yes, his father has abused him before." I feel my eyes widen as he continues to speak. "He has been abused physically, emotionally, and sexually. I can tell you where you can most likely get proof too." He says and looks to me carefully. Wait, how the hell would he have proof? I look to Mikasa and see she has a similar expression to Armin. Looking across the room, I see the same for Levi.

"I'm free all day today. I can tell you where to find it, but if you wouldn't mind, I would like to come with you. Yes, 4:00 is fine. This number. Thank you, sir. Goodbye." He says and hangs up the phone before looking to my expecting face. "They're calling me at 4:00. They're gonna search for Grisha as well." He says, not answering my question at all. I pick up a pen and begin to write.

_"You three know something I don't. Talk."_ I say and notice that he doesn't question the three people part.

"Levi thinks something happened while you were in the hospital." He says and I think back. Every time Grisha was there, Levi was standing between us. Did something happen before that? I look over to Levi to see him nodding.

"Just trust me on this." He says and I can't bring myself not to. He hasn't steered me wrong.

 

 

Levi's POV

 

 

Everybody but Armin and Eren left relatively soon after that. We all decided to go to the hospital together. If something was up, we didn't want Eren alone, just in case. Armin got the call and told them to meet us at the hospital.

We all piled into Armin's car, Armin and Mika in front, Eren and me in back. As soon as we got there, Mikasa was out of the car. You can tell she's nervous to see what's on that tape. Who could blame her?

So here we are now, in the lobby as Armin talks to the police. "Levi, come here." The officer says and pulls me aside. "Are you sure there's evidence on this tape?" He asks, obviously skeptical due to my age.

"Not one hundred percent, but if we don't look, we'll never know, and we may regret that." I say and he nods.

"Okay, get your friends. We're going to check." He says and turns. I walk towards to Mikasa and Eren and wave for them to follow. Armin has already started to follow by the time the two get up. We all walk into a back room filled with wires and screens. On those screens show different area's from all over the hospital, including the rooms.

"You were in room 116?" A lady at the laptop asks Eren and he nods. She goes through the tapes to a week ago then turns to me. "When exactly was it?" She asks and I think about it.

"It was last Friday at around eleven at night." I say and she turns back to the computer and pulls up the tape for that time. It shows the nurses working on Eren's vitals while he's still passed out. They eventually stop working and look at his charts before leaving.

She scans the time bar like a YouTube video and finds when someone is in the room. It's Grisha. She clicks on it and we begin watching. I grab Eren's hand and he smiles weakly before turning back to the screen. Grisha walks around, looking like he's talking angrily. This strangely goes on for a few minutes before he crosses the room to Eren's bed.

He wraps his hands around Eren's neck and presses his thumbs down. That's also the moment Eren wakes up. He grabs at his fathers hands and claws at them, but it doesn't stop. Eventually, he passes out again and I come in. They pause it before they see me threaten him. I turn to Eren to see him looking with wide eyes. "Do you remember that?" I ask and he shakes his head, staring at the screen in shock.


	19. Backstory

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I like this chapter. You get plot stuff, Levi's backstory, and Eren's first boner. Yay! Oh my... So, here you go! Feel free to comment! Enjoy!

Eren's POV

 

 

Everything was a blur after that. I was rushed to another X-ray on police command to see where exactly the damage had happened. It took about an hour and ten X-rays. When it was finally over, I was sent to a hospital room to wait. I've been here since. I lay down on the bed waiting for them to come.

I look out the window to look at the parking lot. I scan it for my fathers car. It isn't there. There's a click at the door, so I turn to see that the doctor I had before is back, along with a police officer, Mikasa, Armin, and Levi. They come over and stand by me.

"Well Eren. We have some questions about that night." The officer says and hands me a notepad. "So, after you got hit with the ball, could you talk?" He asks and I shake my head. "Could you breathe?" I shake my head again. "Do you remember anything you saw on that tape?" I shake my head.

"Well, it sounds like paralysis even back then, but we can't be sure if it was bilateral or not. If it was unilateral paralysis, we could've been able to make you talk again. The symptoms are similar, but not quite as severe. We can't know from a medical standpoint without X-rays from before." The doctor says and I feel myself get mad.

"So we can't find out?" Levi says angrily, taking the words from my mouth.

"Actually, we can through interrogation. But that would require finding him." _Wait, what?_

"What do you mean finding him?" Mikasa growls.

"Well, it appears he has gone missing." The police says.

"But what if he comes back? What if he hurts Eren again? What if..."

"Mikasa." Levi interjects. He grabs my hand and takes a deep breath before continuing. "How long do you think until you find him?" He asks the officer.

"About two weeks. If he comes back, we'll know." He says and Levi nods. I feel him turn his attention back to me, but I can't move. I can't really do anything. There just one thought that's flooding my mind:  _He's gonna kill me._

 

 

Levi's POV

 

 

This time was bad. We had to practically carry Eren to the car. He didn't react, face unchanging. I unbuckle him now and start to pull him along. He looks blindly ahead as we walk inside. After telling everything to the police, they're assigning Eren to counseling with our school counselor once a week.

They're searching for Grisha and when they find him, there will be a trial. I take Eren down to the basement and hold him as he starts to shake. He's not crying, not sad, just shaking. I'm worried about why. He keeps getting texts that only make him writhe harder. Eventually he gets up and writes a sloppy note.

_"I need to go."_ It says and doesn't meet my eyes.

"Why? We told you you can stay here until everything is sorted out with Hannes." Hannes said he would take Eren, but he needed to make room first. Eren opens his phone and sends me a text.

 

From Eren- I can't stay. I need to find him.

 

I look up to see a tear finally making its way down. I stand up and grab his face to wipe the tear. "No. I'm not letting you get hurt." I say and he shakes his head.

He opens notes on his phone and answers me. _"And I won't let you all get hurt. If I stay, you will."_ He says and pulls up a conversation on his phone.

 

From Grisha- Heard you tried to kill yourself. Maybe you should've actually done it. Cause then, I wouldn't have to do it.

You better come home tonight. I know your hiding at the Ackermans.

 

I look up to see him crying more, but he leans down and lightly puts his lips on mine. They only stay for about a second before he backs away. I feel the blood rush to my cheeks as he grabs his phone and sends me another text, walking away.

 

From Eren- I can't let him hurt you, Levi.

 

I cross the room to him and grab his arm. "He won't. Let's get the others. We can see if we can stay at Armin's." I say and he looks hesitant at I pull him upstairs. We walk into the living room where Mikasa and Armin are sitting. "We can't stay here." I say and their eyes widen.

"What do you mean?" Mikasa asks, standing up.

"I'll explain in the car. Let's go." I say and Eren doesn't move as we move to the door.

"Come on, Eren." Armin walks up and grabs his hand, but he tears it away.

_"Don't you think he knows where we're going?"_ He writes and Armin looks down in thought.

"Let's go to the hotel downtown. My grandpa gave me a card for emergencies and I'm pretty sure this qualifies." Armin says and Eren's eyes widen. I go and get my drivers license from the kitchen before going to Armin's car with Mikasa. Eventually, Eren and Armin come in and we pull out.

I explain everything to them and Armin almost crashes the car. "Mikasa, call 911, Levi, text Kenny and tell him to stay at his boyfriend's tonight." Armin says as we pull into the hotel parking lot.

Armin then takes the phone from Mikasa as I text Kenny. "Hello, this is Armin Arlert. Grisha Jaeger sent a death threat to his son. He's going to either be at his house or the house three doors down tonight. They're the first house of the right on Shigansia road. Okay, thank you. Goodbye." He says to the phone before we go inside.

The women behind the counter eyes us skeptically. "Hi, we need a room with two bed." Armin says and the women rolls her eyes.

"ID please." She says and I show her mine. "There's no way you're eighteen." She says with mockery in her voice.

"Okay, listen up. We need a room and you need to not be a bitch." I snap and she looks kind of scared. I look to Armin to see his surprised look. The women rings us up and gives us a room key.

"Thank you." Armin says politely and I roll my eyes. "I'm going to go get some stuff for school, plus I should explain everything to my grandpa." Armin says.

"I'll go too." Mikasa says and Armin nods before waving and leaving. Eren and I walk towards the elevator and press the button.

We step on the elevator, soon joined by a little girl with wet hair in a bathing suit. He stands in the corner shyly as the elevator starts to move up. Eren smiles a sweet smile and waves to the girl, who relaxes before waving back. How does he think he's bad? Little kids even like him.

The door opens on the second floor and we get out of the elevator. Our room is close to the elevator, so we find it easily. We unlock the room and go inside. Eren almost instantly flops onto a bed. _Not even surprised._ I walk up to him and lay next to him, actually facing him, who's face is buried in the mattress.

It's a few minutes later that I realize he's shaking again. I put my arm around him and he curls up against me. "Hey, everything will be okay." I say, finally becoming confident in my words. He looks up to me with sad, shining eyes and I press our foreheads together.

I just want him to see how much he means to me. I want to make him happy. I know I can't do that, but I want to help. Help him see that his past isn't him. And maybe I can help with that.

"My mom was a prostitute." Okay, bad way to start, but it got his attention as he stares at me with wide eyes. "She was an Ackerman. Kenny's sister, so before you ask, yes I am actually related to him and Mikasa.

"Anyway, she died when I was young, but she was never a registered citizen, so neither was I. I lived in her apartment and struggled to survive.When I was 10 and figured out how a dick works, I took up the family business. It wasn't enough though so I got two roommates, Farlan and his sister Isabel.

"Farlan was nice and reliable, although he liked to act older than he was, and extremely protective of his sister. Isabel was beautiful, gentle, and a bit child like. She had trouble sleeping, so I used to play guitar for her and sing until she fell asleep. She tried to teach me how to play piano, but we didn't have time to get very far. She's one of the reasons I love music.

"Farlan was also a prostitute, but Isabel wasn't. She dealt drugs because she said she didn't want to fuck. She wanted to make love. I liked the idea, but I had to pay rent somehow.

"One day, when I came home from a client, they were both in the apartment dead. She was bleeding from her vagina and her eyes were shut with crusty tears. That's when I knew I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't keep living like that, where I gave myself willingly to strangers while she got her innocence and life stolen from her.

"I contacted Kenny for the first time and he let me in. I never thought I could love again, family wise or romantically. But someone proved me wrong." I say and look down. He reaches up and puts a hand on my cheek and smiles.

"Eren, I know your past is shitty, but that's not you. You are in no way your father's actions, or the person that mugged your mom. You're a great person who had to grow up too soon. I wish you could see how great you are." I say and he blushes deeply. The door clicks and Armin and Mikasa walk in.

"Of course their cuddling." Mikasa says and Armin laughs.

"It's not even surprising anymore. It's just the norm." Armin says and Eren laughs through his nose, effectively ruining the moment.

"Great, Mushroom became a comedian and Eren blows his boogers out when he laughs. Pretty soon the world will end when Mikasa actually shows emotion." I say and Armin and Eren laugh while Mikasa glares.

"Like you're one to talk." She says and the other two laugh again. My phone vibrates in my pocket as Eren locks his phone.

 

 

From Eren- I can see the relationXD

 

 

Eren's POv

 

 

I wake up to the sound of a shower, an empty bed next to me, and a sense of relief. They found Grisha the night before and now he's in jail until the trial which is in a couple of weeks. I look over to the nightstand to see a note from Mikasa.

_"Armin and I went to go get breakfast. Be ready for school by 6:30. -Mikasa"_

I look to the clock to see that it's 5:45. I reluctantly get up out of bed and go to Armin's bag. He said he brought me some of the clothes I left at his house the last time I was over. I rummage through the bag as I hear a door open behind me. Once a grab my stuff, I look up to a sight.

Levi has nothing but a towel on that's clinging for life. His hair is wet and pushed out of his face and he glistens from the water. The shine it left helps to define his muscles, from his toned arms to his well defined abs to the 'v' at his hips that points to the only thing on him covered by that towel. There's a weird feeling in my stomach as I look up to his foggy eyes staring me down.

He walks past me, brushing up against me as he grabs the big sweater of him I wore the day before. He slips it on and lets his towel drop, everything covered by the sweater. I suddenly feel the fleece of my pants rub against my dick and blood rush to my face. I grab my clothes and my phone and go into the bathroom as calmly as possible.

After I'm in there, I pull down my pants to see that I have a rather large boner. Shit, what do I do with that? I grab my phone and text Armin.

 

To Armin- QUICK, WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU HAVE A BONER?

 

Not even a minute later, he answers.

 

From Armin- SERIOUSLY?! LITTLE EREN HAS HIS FIRST BONER?!

To Armin- NOT HELPING. I have to get ready for school, but it's rather noticeable.

From Armin- Well, Levi could always help you with that, since he's probably the cause...

To Armin- Again. NOT HELPING.

From Armin- Fine, just jerk off in the shower.

 

I mean, I guess it's logical. I turn on the shower to its hottest setting, knowing there's probably not a lot of hot water left. I strip myself of my shirt and get in the shower. The feeling of water pounding against me makes my knees weak as I grab hold of the bar on the side. My fingers feather on my shaft and for once I'm happy I can't make sounds because the one that would've just come out would've been embarrassing.

I wrap my hand around my dick and start to move it up and down. It's a odd feeling, but when I accidentally touch the head, pleasure overcomes all doubts I have on it. I thumb the head and feel the coil in my stomach tighten as I touch the slit. I'm so far gone, I don't hear the moan coming from the room.

I imagine Levi, the way he looked a couple of minutes ago. How he'd look under me. How he'd look if we made love, him coming to my name. That thought sends me over and a white liquid sprays from me as I continue to jerk myself to a finish.

I wash myself off when I come down from my high. _Did I just jerk off to Levi_? I open the curtain and look around for a towel. There's only a small one left, so I send a text to Levi.

 

To Levi- I need the towel, there's only a washcloth in here.

From Levi- Well, the one out here is... dirty now...

_Oh._


	20. Talk about it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo.... I'm not gonna lie, I feel super awkward about the tiny smut thing I wrote. I'm gonna write more, don't get me wrong, but I'm very aware that sucked. Sorry:/ Anyway, this chapter is half a sex talk, part love talk, part sign language because I'm actually learning sign language and I'm having fun with writing to:) So, enjoy!!!

Eren's POV 

 

 

From Armin- YOU AND LEVI BOTH GOT OFF TO EACH OTHER!!!

To Armin- Really? I had no idea.

From Armin- THIS IS BIG! How big was he?

To Armin- I REPEAT, I DID NOT SEE HIM NAKED. Just close to...

 

Armin and I have been texting all school day about this. Apparently, my first boner is a big deal, but he didn't even blink at my first kiss. Right now we're at lunch and he's still bothering me over text about this.

 

From Armin- How big do you think he is? *wink wink*

To Armin- Dude.

From Armin- Okay, fine. I still think you should've just had sex.

To Armin- It can't just be "oh, I got a boner, let's fuck." I want sex to mean something.

From Armin- God, you're so cheesy. S'CUTE.

To Armin- NOT CUTE. But sue me if I don't like meaningless sex. And I know he doesn't either.

From Armin- Um... HOW DO YOU KNOW THIS?

 

_Opps. Didn't mean to spill that._ I look over to him to see him practical vibrating with excitement. _Eww._ Let's not think of Armin vibrating while talking about my nonexistent sex life.

"What is up with you two? Eren looks disturbed and Armin has his evil grin on." Jean says and Armin slaps his hands on the table.

"Eren had a boner!" Armin yells and I slap my hand over his mouth. I flush deeply as several people turn to us.

_"Shut the fuck up!"_ I write down and Armin licks my hand. I make a fake gaging face and wipe my hand on him.

"Woah, back up! Eren got a boner for shorty but not this little angel?" Ymir says and gestures to Historia, who blushes and waves her off.

"Well, that's great, Eren. I'm glad you like him so much," she says with a genuine smile. I let out a deep breath through our nose and cover my face with my hands, feeling the heat come off my face.

_"Okay, we're NOT talking about this anymore."_ I write and show it to them.

"But they don't know the best part!" Armin says and I cover his mouth again before he can say it. I bring out my phone and text him.

 

To Armin- STOP. It probably meant nothing to him. He wants meaningful sex, and I'm not even a virgin. Besides, you can't make love if you don't love someone.

 

I send and he looks up to me. "You know that's not true. And it's not like it was your choice anyway. I'm making this a table discussion." He says and I hide my face again.

"If a guy jerks off to around the same time you do about him, it's probably about you, right?" Armin says and I peek through my hands to see everybody nod with shit-eating grins. "And if the person want sex to mean something, then they obviously care about the person they jerked off to, right?" They all nod again. "Even if the person isn't a virgin?" Armin says softer this time. They all nod with slightly more sympathetic grins. I send him a text and lay down in my arms of the table.

 

To Armin- I'm not just not a virgin. I am literally damaged. I don't know if everything is still... put together.

From Armin- Maybe you should go to the doctor's.

To Armin- I'm not making Hannes pay for an ass exam.

From Armin- Maybe Hanji will help.

To Armin- I hope you realize that she isn't a real doctor yet.

From Armin- Listen, I actually talked to her about this and she helps trauma patients when she volunteers at the hospital and that's a pretty common test. Go ask her.

 

I look up to see him looking at me encouragingly and I shrug before sending a text to the contact Hanji added to my phone.

 

To Hanj<3:)***- Can I talk to you privately?

From Hanj<3:)***- Of course! Is everything okay?

To Hanj<3:)***- I need to make sure of that. When's your free period?

From Hanj<3:)***- Next hour.

To Hanj<3:)***- Meet me in the nurses office.

From Hanj<3:)***- Okie!

 

I look up to Armin worriedly and he nods, know what I was going to ask. He puts a hand on my shoulder as I pick up my notebook. _"What about you, I know you and Erwin are probably gonna have sex."_ I say and he blushes darkly.

"Oh, let me read, this looks interesting," Ymir says and reads it out loud.

"Your letting him fuck you?" Jean says with slight disgust.

"Actually... he wants me to top..." He says and I laugh. Well, laugh as much as I can through my nose. I look up to see everyone else gaping at Armin, until Marco breaks the silence.

"Go Armin!" He giggles and Historia and Ymir laugh as Jean turns to him. "What? It a nice change! Good for him for being top. Someone here won't let me do it." Marco says surprisingly bluntly and Jean gets dark red.

"I-I didn't know you wa-nted to." He stammers and we all laugh at him as he turns darker and his voice cracks.

 

 

Levi's POV 

 

 

"So yeah, I told him everything." I say to Erwin and Hanji and they stare in shock. Like, eye-popping, jaw-dropping shock. They both look hilarious right now and I'd love it if it weren't about me. "Any day now." I say and Erwin shakes his head.

"Sorry, I'm just surprised. I mean, I knew he meant a lot to you, but wow." He says, not even looking at me, as though he's think as he goes.

"Is he the one?" Hanji says half seriously, half jokingly and I lower my head and blush.

"Of course not, that's too cheesy for my style." I say and she cackles loudly. I distantly hear Armin yell scream about his boner or something, but I pay no mind to it.

"Levi! That's so cute! You're in love!" Hanji says and she hugs me and Erwin chuckles.

"Never thought I'd see the day," he says with a smirk.

"Honestly, for awhile, me neither." I say and he nods, knowing exactly what changed my mind. Hanji finally lets go of me as her phone goes off.

"Oh look, it's from your boyfriend!" She says and elbows me harder than intended.

"What did he say?" Erwin asks as Hanji gets absorbed into the conversation.

"Sorry guys, I think this is private." She says as she stares at her phone with a confused face. Erwin and I exchange worried looks and Hanji locks he phone. I look over to Eren to see his shit-eating grin before his friends laughing. I smile slightly at the sight until I hear a clicking sound next to me.

"What the hell?" I turn to Hanji to see her phone pointed at me.

"You were smiling! Openly! I needed to document it!" She says before getting up to leave.

"Send it to me!" Erwin calls after. "I hate you both."

 

 

Eren's POV

 

 

"Okay, so this is probably going to be weird, but I need to stick my finger up your ass." Hanji says as I lay on the nurses bed in a spare gown, ass up. Armin grabs my hand as he stares at my back, seeing it for the first time in years.

I nod to Hanji and she puts a lubricant on her hand. "It's going to be cold and slow, but I need to be careful not to hurt you." She says gently and I'm suddenly happy someone I know is doing this. I look up to Armin, who is looking down to me now. I squeeze his hand as Hanji sticks her finger in slowly.

It hurts, but not too badly. It's mostly just an uncomfortable feeling, but my mind flashes back to Grisha and I'm suddenly crushing Armin's hand. "Maybe you should stop..."

"I really wish I could, but one of the rules is not to stop or else you never finish and he'll never get past this." She says and I guess it makes sense. Her finger brushes on something that makes my body flare up and she laughs at my reaction. "Found it." She says, but doesn't touch it again.

She slides her finger back out and goes to wash her hand in the sink. "There's some damaged tissue, but nothing that won't heal on its own. You got real lucky, actually." She says as I slide underwear on.

_"Thank you."_ I sign to her by lowering my hand from my lips and she smiles.

"No problem!" She says and Armin looks at me.

"Don't you have class right now?" He asks and I nod. Both he and Hanji laugh as we walk out of the room.

 

 

Levi's POV

 

 

We all sit in Armin's room again for another sign language lesson and Eren is confusing himself. Armin has been trying to teach Eren "who" and "why" for about ten minutes now. The signs themselves aren't even that similar.

"Think of it like this. When you wonder who someone is, you put your hand by your mouth, and when you wonder why something is, you put it by your forehead." He says and Eren nods. "Okay, now do why." Armin says and Eren goes to his mouth. "I give up!" Armin says as he flops on his bed.

"God, for a genius, you're a dumbass. When you sign "why", you make the letter 'y' with your hand." I say and show the sign to them and Eren lights up. His mouth forms and 'o' as he excitedly does the sign.

"Show off." Armin murmur and I roll my eyes.

"You just can't teach." I say and Mikasa sighs. "I could've told you that." She says from her spot, laying against Hanji.

"If we're gonna keep doing this, let's do something fun!" Hanji says and straightens up, leading to Mikasa falling into her lap.

"We could do name." Erwin suggests and Armin nods.

"Yeah, that sounds fun!" He says and I flip through the book.

"There's no names I here." I say and Armin laughs.

"Well duh, there are too many names to make signs for. Plus half of us have really weird names, so they probably wouldn't make them for us." He says and we all nod in agreement.

"So we get to make them up?" Hanji asks.

"I could think of a few for you." Mikasa says as she glares up at Hanji, who laughs to her.

"Should it be universal, or can we make nicknames?" Erwin asks.

"I guess it doesn't matter since Eren is the one using them, so he should pick them out." Armin says and hands the book to Eren, who moves close to the small blonde.

He flips through the book and points to Erwin before tracing his eyebrows with his pointer fingers and thumbs. I burst out laughing as Erwin pouts. "Wow, really feeling the love, Eren." He says and Hanji joins in my laughing.

Eren points to Hanji before making circles next to his head, signing for crazy. We all laugh, including Hanji. "I think I like my name now." Erwin says and Hanji laughs again.

Eren then points to Armin and points to his lips with two fingers and moving them down. "What does that mean?" Mikasa asks as Armin "aw"s and hugs Eren.

"He called me cute." He says and I roll my eyes.

"I would've named you mushroom." I say and he looks at me challengingly.

"Jealous?" He says and I hold my hands up in defeat, making everyone laugh.

Eren points to Mikasa before touching both his shoulder and bringing them out into fists, making a flexing movement. "It means strong." Armin says and Mikasa smiles and blushes lightly.

Eren flips through the book again before putting a finger to his mouth before making in arch into his open hand in front of him. Armin's eyes widen as he sees the sign. Eren shuts the book after, almost on Armin's face, due to how closely he was looking at it. "What does that mean?" I ask and Eren just shrugs. Armin grins widely and laughs loudly while the rest of us are at a loss.

"That's great." Armin says as he wipes a tear away and we all stare in confusion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IS IT A NICE SIGN? IT IT NOT? IS IT EREN BEING A SHIT? Stay tuned;) *crawls into hole*


	21. Falling in Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it's been awhile... Only like two daysXD I hurt my wrists, so everything is uber tiring and I fell asleep a lot while writing. Thank you guys so much for your comments and getting me to 3k hits! So, if you can't tell from the colleges I put in this chapter, they live in Michigan. I hope you guys like this chapter, because it's nice and fluffy. Enjoy:)

Eren's POV

 

 

Hannes invited Mikasa, Levi, and Armin over for dinner on my first night there. It's obvious Hannes is guilty for not helping me with Grisha, but also knows it wasn't his fault. He said inviting them over was the least he could do.

"So, have you guys been thinking about college?" Hannes asks the typical junior question, despite Levi being a senior.

"I'm looking at University of Michigan's engineering program." Armin says and Hannes smiles.

"To be honest, I'm looking into UofM too." Levi says and I look over to him. As stupid as it may sound, we've never talked about college. UofM isn't that far of a school, but it's incredibly hard to get in. He's really smart, although he hates teachers, so therefore skips class a lot, but he still manages to do well.

"What do you want to major in?" Hannes asks.

"I was thinking about music education with a minor in biology. I want to try to get into the music business, but I wouldn't do it if I didn't have a job to fall back on." He says and I look to him. I could see Levi being a teacher, but he honestly could make it in music. I look to Hannes to see his reaction to see a wide smile on his face.

"That's what Eren's mother did. I still have her demo track actually." He says with a far away look in his eye.

"Well I'd love to hear it sometime." Levi says with a polite smile.

"So, what about you Mikasa?" Hannes asks and Mikasa frowns a little.

"I don't really know to be honest. I was thinking about music therapy, but I have no idea what school is good for that." She says, uncharacteristically unsure.

"You know, Western Michigan is really big in that." Armin says. "They're actually better than MSU on that one." He continues, obviously having looked into this. Mikasa smiles and looks down.

"That actually sounds nice. I just don't want to go too far, you know?" She says and they all nod. Hannes turns to me next.

"And you?" He asks and I pick up my pen.

_"I'm not even sure if I can. Most courses involve speeches. Plus I don't know who would accept me or what job I could get. Hell, I don't even know if I can afford it."_ I write and Hannes nods.

"Well, we'll have to do some research on that." He says with a forced smile.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Levi ended up staying the night. I don't know why, but Hannes seemed to push for them to. The other two had too much homework to stay, so only Levi did. We lay in my bed texting each other.

To Levi- So, you're thinking about U of M? Haven't acceptance letters already come out?

From Levi- Yeah, I'm just not sure about the music program.

To Levi- YOU GOT IN AND DIDNT TELL ME?!

From Levi- Calm down, brat. I don't know if I got into the music school. I'm hoping for a scholarship, but that school is crazy competitive.

To Levi- Yeah, but you're really good! When do you find out?

From Levi- In a few weeks. There only one problem that the music school focuses on. Background checks.

To Levi- Wait, did you ever get caught?

From Levi- No, but I think Grisha knows.

 

I jolt up into a sitting position and stare at him.

 

To Levi- HOW

From Levi- There only two ways: he was a client, and I'd remember that, or he was in the underground for other reasons.

To Levi- Underground...?

From Levi- The ghetto. We called it the Underground, like the Underground Railroad, only for criminals. The police didn't bother with us, so we were free.

To Levi- Well this is worrisome. What do you think he was doing there?

From Levi- Well, whenever doctors come, it's generally to sell pot.

To Levi- At this point, it doesn't surprise me.

From Levi- So you finally see it?

To Levi- See what?

From Levi- That he was an asshole? That you didn't deserve what he did to you? That you deserve to be happy?

 

I don't know how to answer. Do I deserve to be happy? I look up to Levi. Do I deserve him as he looks so... lovingly at me? Why is such a stoic man so open with me? My phone buzzes, talking me out of my thoughts.

 

From Levi- I know you won't believe me, but you're pretty amazing.

 

I feel heat rise to my cheeks as I look up at him. He is beautiful. There's no other way to describe him. He's not feminine, not at all, but he's pure grace. His features, both soft and hard, perfect accent each other. Everything from his hands, slightly smaller than mine, laced into mine, to the darks circles, framing his eyes as they change from rain to clear skies. I slip my arms around his broad shoulders and pull him close, my head on his chest so I can hear his heartbeat. He puts his cheek on top of my head as I drape a leg around him. I know it's a rather suggestive poise, but I just need him close. Close enough to have the steady bump in his chest carry me to sleep.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

_Dark. That's all I can see. I turn to my right. Then I see red. Left? Blue. Mother in red, Father in Blue. "You did this." My mom says. "You're useless." Grisha says. "You killed me." She says. "You're pitiful." He says. "Why did you do it?" She asks as she starts to cry. I go to walk towards her, but I can't. I look back to see Grisha holding my arm. "You can't hurt her anymore." He says and I look back over to see my mom, laying limply, covered in blood. Something forces me down. I look up to see the bottom of his foot stomp my chest. Then he swing kicks my head. Then kicks my side. I lay there and take it, unable to move until something warm incases me and I open my eyes._

I think I would've fallen off the bed if it weren't for Levi straddling me. His lips are presses to mine, eyes open. He pulls back as soon as I wake up. "I swear to god, you are the heaviest sleeper I..." He's interrupted by me pulling him down for a rather odd embrace.

My arms are wrapped around his waist and my head is on his toned chest while he still has his legs wrapped around me. He roll us to the side and hooks his ankles around my back, bringing us closer together.

"It's okay Eren, everything is fine," he says to me as my tears start to stain his shirt. He strokes my hair as I start to tremble. I pull back just enough to pull my phone and write in notes.

_"Why are you so good to me? You know what I did."_ I write and he frowns deeply as I set my phone down.

"Eren, you didn't do it. Don't you get that? You had no control over it. I treat you the way I do because you deserve no worse." He says and I feel heat rise to my cheeks. "I wish you saw what I see in you." He whispers and kisses the top of my head. Something warm blossoms in my as I take in his words.

He sees me as worthy of happiness. _Am I?_ I look up to him and he lightly kisses my nose. I scrunch it and he laughs. God, I love his laugh. It's higher that you'd expect, short but sweet. I pull myself up a little and rest my forehead on his. The grey fades from his eyes to a warn blue, veiled by a thin grey curtain. I love his eyes. To be honest, I don't think there's anything I don't love about. I love him.

I smile at the revelation and he smirks and raises a questioning eyebrow. I answer by pointing to me and signing the sign I put as his name so he can feel it on his body. By missing my point to myself, he completely misses the point of what I just said, but he smiles that crooked smile that does things to me, so I guess it works for him. I let what I just said bounce around in my mind as I drift to a much sweeter sleep.

_"I'm falling in love."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, Levi's sign means fall in love or falling in love. Thought I'd be cheesy:)


	22. I Love You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I LOVED WRITING THIS CHAPTER. Like, honestly. Thank you guys so much for putting up with all the angst, so major fluff now:) 
> 
> Also, I thought of an idea for a new fanfic. I'm gonna finish this one, it still has awhile left, but it's past halfway over now. So I'll start that soon, but I wanna get far in it before I start posting it. 
> 
> So here's the happy chapter! Enjoy:)

Levi's POV

 

 

I wake up to Eren sleeping with a smile in my arms. I could get used to this. He's just so at peace. I glance at the clock that Hannes has for Eren in the room and see that school starts in about an hour and a half. Leaning down slightly, I kiss Eren's nose he crinkles it adorably. His eyes flutter open, still fogged with sleep.

He looks up at me and lightly kisses my lips. "Hi" he mouths to me as I stare at him with wide eyes. _Did he just...?_ I guess I shouldn't be surprised at this point, but the way he did it so easily makes my heart flip. Slowly the fog fades from his eyes and his eyes widen. He reaches behind him quickly and typed in his phone. _"Oh my god, I'm sorry!"_ He says and I laugh as I kiss him lightly.

"You're cute when you're all flustered," I say and he turns a dark red, proving my statement. I move to get up, but and pulled down as he hands me his phone.

_"You don't get to mess with me and get away with it."_ The note says and I suddenly feel a new weight on my hips. I look up to see his face just barely apart from mine. He puts one of his hands in my hair and the other in the back of my neck, stupidly leaving my hands free. I flip us over so I'm straddling him and lean down to press my lips to his ears.

"Oh, but you like it when I tease you." I say and bite it, causing him to shiver. I start to traces his jaw with my lips, making my way to his, one hand in his hair and the other trailing down his chest.

Once my hand reaches his pants, he grabs my wrist. I look up to see him looking at me with wide eyes and shaking slightly. _Shit, did I take it to far?_ I press my forehead to his and he closes his eyes. "I'm sorry, Eren," I say and opens his eyes and grabs his phone.

_"It's not your fault,"_ he writes in his notes and I come to the realization. Shit, he was raped not even a week ago. I am an idiot.

"Shit, I'm sorry, I wasn't..." He shuts me up by kissing me. This one is deeper than the last few as his fingers use my hair to hold my close. He swipes my lip with his tongue and I open my mouth. His tongue starts fighting with mine playfully until he traces the back of my teeth.

It isn't until after the kiss we both cringe at the morning breath. He laughs lightly and pulls out his phone. "It really isn't your fault. I started it. I'm not gonna break because you tease me a little too much." He writes and moves my leg as he moves to the bathroom, swinging his hips as he goes, and I can't help but blatantly stare.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

To Eren- So... what are we?

 

Hanji is breathing down my neck as I send it. Erwin is too, but more discretely. I told them about this morning and if I hadn't shut Hanji up, this lunch period would be so much more awkward. I look over to Eren's table and see him look to his phone. There a look in his eyes I don't like as he types.

 

From Eren- Wait... was that what this morning was about?

 

I look to him questioningly, but he doesn't meet my eyes.

 

To Eren- Yes, I thought it was for you too.

From Eren- It was. I just thought you wouldn't want me after I pushed you away.

 

I look up to Hanji and she looks as confused as I feel.

 

To Eren- Do you seriously think that's what this is all about?

From Eren- It's not for me, but I don't really see another reason for you.

To Eren- Excuse me? Is this about me being a prostitute?

From Eren- No! It's not like that!

To Eren- What is it then?

From Eren- I don't get why you would wait for me.

 

I look up to him to see one of his hands in his hair with his elbow propped on the table. He looks to his phone and types again.

 

From Eren- You're going to college, you're gonna be a musician, don't you think you'll end up wanting someone else? I don't want to hold you back.

 

I distantly hear Hanji yell for me as I walk over to his table. "You don't get it, do you?" I say and all his friends turn to me with questioning looks while he looks at the ground.

"I'll never be able to move on. You're the only person I've seen myself spending the rest of my life with. Hell, before I met you, there wasn't a rest of my life. I wouldn't be able to trust anyone, I wouldn't be going to college, I wouldn't be able to play in front of people." i can't bring myself to care about anyone but the boy in front of me. I don't care that I'm making a scene. He need to know.

"You changed me! Don't you get that? You changed everything for me! Like hell I won't wait for you! I'll wait the rest of my life if I have to!"

He's looking up to me with tear filled eyes, but with a small smile on his face. "Eren Jaeger, I'm in love with you. I've always been in love with you. Since the day you walked into that basement and told me I could trust you. I did! I do. And I'm so in love you." Before I know it, his lips are on mine.

My lips move on his almost instantly and he tilts his head to the side. I swipe my tongue on his lip and he opens his mouth for me. My hands fist his hair and his wrap around my waist. My tongue fights his as he pulls me close, so our bodies are flushed together.

We break the kiss and I suddenly notice how loud the lunchroom is. There's a loud cheering. I look around to see the cheering is for us. Eren laughs through his nose and I turn to him to see him looking down at me so sweetly, I feel as though I just got a cavity. He holds up one of his hands and puts down his middle and ring finger. He's saying "I love you".

I feel an obnoxiously large smile grow on my face as I lean my forehead against his. His eyes are bright blue, like the ocean on a sunny day and I'm just swimming in them. "God, I love you. It feels so good to say that. I love you, Eren," I whisper and he smiles and looks down shyly. I put my hand on his cheek and wipe his tear that fall from happiness this time. _He's happy._ I swear I almost start jumping for joy at that.

He bits his lip and grabs my hand and sits down and Historia scoots down for me, she crying too. "That was the cutest thing I've ever seen." She says and I hear a sniffle from across the table.

"I know," Jean says as a tear runs down his cheek. Marco laughs and puts his arm around his boyfriend. I see Armin's shit-eating grin and I can't help but not care as Eren stares at me with a smile.

I lean in and kiss his nose and those adorable lines on the bridge of his nose come back for the second time today. I hear an exaggerated gag next to me and see its Ymir. "Too cute, might puke." She says and leans forward, but I know that's her way of approval.

There's a slap on my back and I look up to see Hanji and Erwin with the same grin's as Armin. "Guess what I have recorded!" Hanji says and Eren smiles as I groan.

"That's just creepy, Hanj," I says and her grin grows at the nickname, knowing I'm too happy to say anything with actual venom.

Hanji's phone beeps as Eren puts his down with a smirk. "Of course, Little Eren! Oh my god, it's Little Eren and Little Levi!" She screeches and I roll my eyes.

"Okay, now you're pushing it," I say and they all laugh.


	23. Trial

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow it's been alittle bit. So, first off... THE NEW MANGA CHAPTER<3 I don't need to say anymore. Also, sorry for the wait. I started writing another story which is now three chapters in, plus I got writers block on this one. Sorry:/ So... some shit goes down in this chapter. Sorry. You got some happy stuff, but some pretty messed up stuff. Sorry about that. But enjoy:)

Levi's POV

 

 

Eren had his days when he would cry for hour, his days he was hyper beyond belief, and his days where he was a bit off. There wasn't really a normal for him, it was happy or sad. They said it was progress, but it never seems that way when he cries.

He's having one of those days now. He skipped class and texted me to meet him in the library. So here we are, sitting in the isle as he cries into my chest. I've learned to wait until he wants to talk, but I can guess what this is about. His trial starts tomorrow.

I stroke his hair as he silently weeps. If I'm being honest, there's only two reasons he can do this in here, both involving him being mute. Pity and silence. The worst part is I know he hates both.

He clings to the from of my black v-neck as he lets out a trembling cry. Then he pauses. He pulls out his phone and types out a message. _"What if they don't believe me?"_ He types and I take the phone to type back.

_"They're going to believe you. They have pictures, your pants, all the stuff at your house. It's going to be alright."_ I write and he curls closer.

_"I just have a feeling something bad is gonna happen."_ He says and I nod.

"Me too," I whisper honestly and he looks down. I grab his phone again and type something else. _"It's going to be fine. I can't imagine anymore bad for you,"_ I say and he smiles weakly.

_"I thought the same thing right before I went mute."_ He says as tears begin again, but he looks ahead.

_"I promise you nothing bad will happen to you if I have any say in it."_ I type and he looks up at me.

"I love you," he mouths and I smile.

"I love you too," I mouth back and he pulls out his phone.

_"Levi, I want to make love with you."_ He types and I looks down to see him blushing deeply.

_"Only when you're ready."_ I type back and he smiles.

"Thank you." He sohms and I can see the relief in him. I takes his phone and write in his notes.

_"I don't want to rush you. I'm not gonna do what Historia did. We dont have to do it anytime soon. To be honest, we don't have to ever. I don't care as long as I'm with you. Don't feel like you need to."_ I write back and lean down to kiss him lightly. I'm about to pull back when his arms lace around my neck and pull me closer to him.

He tilts his head and deepens the kiss and my tongue laps at his. He tangles his hands in my hair as my hands fall to his waist. We separate when we run out of breath and he looks at me with bright blue eyes, still rimmed with red. It's his turn to play with my hair as he lays his head on my shoulder.

How did I get so lucky? He has his mood swings and his bad days, but I couldn't ask for anything better. I'd take every bad day over no days at all. Besides, if every bad moment ends with him looking at me like this, it's not really bad.

 

 

Eren's POV

 

 

"Grisha Jaeger to the stand." Armin's grandpa, who's Eren lawyer, says and my father walks to the stand. He does the oath before standing and waiting for questions I don't want to hear the answers of.

I looks back to see Mikasa, Armin, and Levi sitting down. Mikasa and Levi are both glaring at Grisha and Armin looks over and smiles reassuringly to me. I turn back and wait for what's needed to be said.

"Grisha Jaeger, have you abused your son in any way?" Mr Arlert says and Grisha shakes his head. I feel my nails dig into my palms as he looks innocently at me.

"I have no idea why my son would _say_ such a thing," he says and I already feel myself holding back tears.

"Have you even hit him?" Mr. Arlert asks and he shakes his head again. "Have you ever forced Eren into a sexual interaction?" He tries again and this time, Grisha speaks.

"Why would I do that?" He asked and Mr Arlert walks up to the stand.

"I don't know why, but we have proof you did." He says, but it's pointless. He's not going to admit it. He doesn't even think it's abuse. You need to be innocent for it to be abuse. _Maybe that's it._ I raise my hand and think of the only thing I can to make him admit. They let me walk up and I write something to ask Grisha.

_"What would mother say?"_

I show it to him and he slams his hands on the stand. "What would mother say? She would say you deserved everything you got. You deserved to be beaten, you deserved to be raped. She would've been proud I broke your voice. You killed her after everything she did for you. You're a useless piece of shit and you should've never been born." He says and I drop my notebook. _He did this to me._  I've always known he hated me, but I had no idea just how much of a monster I was to him.

I look up at him as the guards take him away in handcuffs. I don't know what anyone says or does after that. I just watch him fight the guards. I stand there until a guard shows me out and Levi comes and wraps his arms around me. He doesn't say anything. I wouldn't be able to pay attention. It's not until my breathing gets hard I realize I'm crying. _Oh._ I somehow end up in a car. Then to Ackerman's house. Then the basement.

 

 

Levi's POV

 

 

I laid him down on the couch and Armin holds him. None of us have said anything. I don't know what there is to say. Eren has tears coming out of his eyes in floods, but his face doesn't change. He's so far gone, I wonder how long it'll take for him to come back this time. His eyes are a flat green and he's looking at nothing, but won't stop shaking. It's like he shut down again.

Armin rubs circles in his arm as he tries to make him relax, but it's not working. Mikasa is shaking from anger and I'm not far behind her. I hate that man. Armin looks rather uncomfortable with Eren laying right next to his dick, but I respect that he just continues to rub Eren's shoulder instead of moving him. I decide to send out a few texts in a group chat to fill everyone in.

 

To Group- Well, Grisha is in jail.

From Horsey- YESSS

From Aang- FUCK YEAH

From Annie- What happened? I thought you'd be happy.

To Group- He said he took Eren's voice away.

From Sash The Hick- Well shit.

From Crazy Hanj- Oh my god.

From Freckles- How is he?

To Group- Exactly how you'd expect.

From Eyebrows- Need help?

To Group- I think he could use the support, though I can't promise he'll even be able to tell you're there. I think he went into shock again.

From Blonde Bitch- Oh my. Ymir and I will be right over. Your house, right?

From Oluo- I get off work at 8. I'll be there then.

From Petra- How are you three?

To Group- Mikasa is pissed, Armin is sad, and I'm fine. And yeah, my place. Just come down to the basement. Kenny doesn't give a shit and he has a date.

 

Within the next half hour, everybody but Oluo was here. They all made themselves cozy and started talking about graduation. It was a few weeks away and I still haven't found out about UofM and its nerve wracking. It'd be perfect: only a half an hour away, right in one of the most cultural towns in Michigan, plus the school itself is perfect.

Erwin was going to Wayne State on a full ride for pre-law, Hanji got into the nursing program at UofM almost immediately with her GPA and volunteer hours. Plus she got a 34 on the ACT. Petra is going to MSU to be a vet, which is actually kind of perfect for her. Eld is taking a few years at OCC before transferring and Gunther wants to enlist in the Navy.

"I've been thinking I want to teach special needs children," Jean says and everybody turns to him in shock except Marco.

"I think that's a great idea." He says to his boyfriend and we're all left confused.

"You, of all people, want to teach disabled people?" Reiner asks and Jean nods confused.

"I don't see the problem," he says and Connie laughs.

"You have the patience of a five day overdue child in the womb," he says and everyone laughs, but me. I look at him as his gaze drifts to Eren. He really cares about him. He looks up and sees me looking at him and smiles shyly at me, and I smile back, to his surprise.

I look to Eren to see him curl onto Armin. He's not crying anymore, but his eyes are still gone. I look up to Armin to see him looking at me expectantly. "Stop staring at your boyfriend and play us something," he says as he tries to keep the mood light. I'm surprised we've kept it like this for this long. Historia hands me my guitar and I strum the happiest song I can think off.

 

 

_Today I feel like running naked through your street_

_To get your attention_

_Whoa-oh-oh_

_I broke up with my girl so tell me where to meet_

_Oh, did I mention?_

_Whoa-oh-oh_

 

 

Connie starts singing obnoxiously along with the next part and he can't match the pitch. I can't say I don't enjoy his odd ways.

 

 

_I dream on, dream about you_

_What can I do to make you feel all right?_

_Baby I don’t want to see you cry, no-oh_

 

 

Everyone else sings along terribly and I wonder how they know this song. It's a fucking Disney star in a band. But he's a good musician and fucking hot.

 

 

 

_I want to see you smile_

_I want to see you smile_

 

 

Dull chorus, but seemingly effective as I look over at Eren to see blue eyes and a weak, but honest smile on his face. He's still trembling, but he seems better. The others seem to notice because pretty soon Hanji is running to his side. "Baby Eren! Don't worry, Mama Hanji is here," she says and he doesn't even look surprised. One she moves from him, he pulls out his phone before everyone's phone vibrates.

 

From Eren- I wake up and suddenly hear you guys screaming R5. This is why I love you.


	24. Death

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE DON'T FREAK OUT OVER THE TITLE. So hi. I wanna say thank you guy for getting me to 4k hits, so thank you so much!!! I love all of you guys and your comments make me so happy. To all ya'll who are reading my other fic, I'm gonna update either today or tomorrow. So, for this chapter... Not gonna lie. It's sad. But it's different. So... Enjoy...?

Levi's POV

 

 

The next day, Mikasa, Armin, Eren, Erwin, Hanji, and I went over to Eren's house. Eren needed to get some things and go though it and he wanted to get it over with. I hold his hand as we walk over. The closer we get to the door, the more he squeezes my hand.

"You okay?" I ask him and he nods, offering a painfully fake smile. I want to take him back home, but he's determined. He has a brightness to his eyes that means he's doing this, even if he's venturing into green.

I walk into his house first and it's my turn to squeeze his hand at the sight of dried blood on the floor. "We're gonna look around," Hanji says while she and Erwin go into the living room. Eren's face is going pale as he leads me into the house.

Mikasa, Armin, and I follow him as he walks up the stairs to one of the two rooms and opens the door. At first glance, it looks like a normal teenaged boy's room, but then you notice the blood on the bed.

Eren seems more relaxed in here, so I can assume this is his room. He walks over to his closet and grabs a suitcase before moving to his dresser. He and Armin only finish packing about a drawer each before Hanji walks in. "Hey, maybe you should see this," she says to Eren, who shakes his head. He points to me and I know he wants me to go instead, along with Armin, who he also points at. Mikasa moves to take Armin's place as we follow Hanji downstairs to a room in the hallway.

We walk in the room before freezing in place. There's at least ten marijuana plants by the window and a messy office space in the room. I walk over to see Erwin looking though files. "I think he was a distributer." He says and I bend down to look. There's are names on all these files, each showing a creepily detailed report of each dealer.

I look to Erwin, feeling a sick feeling in my stomach at the look he gives me. The only people to know about my past are Eren, Kenny, Erwin, because he was my new student mentor, and Hanji, because she gave me a free STD test. Erwin hands me a file with a name I haven't seen in ages. _Isabel Magnolia._ But her name is crossed out.

I open the file to see a picture of the three of us: Farlan, Isabel, and me. I hear a gasp behind me from Armin but pay no mind as I look at the picture. _Is that how he knew my street name?_ We had this picture above our mantle our home. _How did he get it?_

My blood ran cold as I rip through the file to find my suspicions confirmed. There a picture of Isabel and Farlan dead. I drop the file.

"Oh my god." I don't know who says it, but it sounds like more than one person. All I see is red. Even more of it as I stand up and kick the pots of pot. "Levi, calm down," Hanji says and steps in front of me. But I can't calm down.

If I thought I hated that man before, I despise him now. He killed Farlan and Isabel. Next thing I know there's a hole in the walk. "Levi!" Armin says and grabs both of my arms behind me and shoves me against the wall. "It's okay," he says and I can't breathe.

_Oh my god. What did Grisha do?_

Actually, no. I know what he did. Eren and Mikasa both run in in a panic and Eren looks around and his eyes widen. He walks over to where I was sitting and looks at the picture. He looks up at me with sorrow in his eyes and walks over, leaning against the wall I'm pinned on.

He signals for Armin to let go and he does. As soon as his grip leaves my hands, my weight falls against said wall. Eren catches me with a strength I forgot he had and holds me up. I can't move, can't do anything. I'm angry, but I'm not. I'm sad, but I'm not. I wonder if this is what Eren feels like.

I look up to him to see him looking back at me, waiting for the inevitable reaction. It just hasn't come yet. He picks me up easily and carries me out of the room and out of the house. The others follow, not wanting to go back. I know I sure as hell don't want to.

He walks me to my home bridal style and I can't do anything but stare ahead. Eren's dad... no, _Grisha_ killed them. My mind tries to wrap around this as Mikasa comes up to Eren.

"I'll take him. You're not supposed to do anything physical." She says and he shakes his head.

He walks in the house and I realize Kenny is home. "Is everything okay?" He asks and Erwin begins to answer, but Eren goes and takes me downstairs.

He lays me down on the couch and comes to lay down next to me. He wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me close. His heart is beating too fast, but it continues to slow down, so I don't really care.

I hated that man. I thought I hated him as much as there is to hate a man. He abused the man I love. He killed my brother. Raped and killed my sister. The little girl that wanted sex to mean something. But got that stolen.

I look up to Eren. _He did this to both of them._ I grab the front of his shirt and pull him as close as possible, throwing a leg around him as well. I feel his chest shake and I look up to see tears running down his cheeks. "I'm sorry," he mouths to me and I shake my head.

"No. This isn't you. It's him. This is all him." I say and my voice breaks at the end. Tears roll down my cheeks before I can even try to stop them. But I don't want to. I want to cry for Isabel and Farlan. For the fact I couldn't save them.

He pulls me closer as I start to weep into his arms. I cry and cry until sleep pulls me under to the thought of a pair of narrow eyes that caused all of this.

 

 

Eren's POV

 

 

Awhile after Levi falls asleep, Mikasa and Armin come down. "Erwin and Hanji and talking to Kenny," Mikasa says and sit down. They look as tired as I feel at the moment.

"Did you know all of this about Levi?" Armin asks and I remove my arms from Levi and turn to them.

_"Yes, I'm sorry,"_ I sign to them.

"I get it." Mikasa says and Armin nods. While that matter is taken care of, there's the matter of my boyfriend behind me having to relive the death of his family. He's still crying in his sleep. That's a bad thing, right?

I turn back to him right before he starts to whimper. Shit, I need to wake him up. I look over to Mikasa and Armin to see them start to walk over. I start to shake Levi and it doesn't take much to wake him up. He's always been a light sleeper.

He looks up at me with wide, terrified, grey eyes and I lay down next to me. He turns and scoots closer to me before his eye fade to blue and he relaxes. He looks up to see Mikasa and Armin looking down and smiles weakly at them.

"Sorry," he says and flinches when Mikasa runs her fingers through his hair for a second before he leans into it.

"Don't be," Armin says and smiles a tired smile that could compete with Levi's. Levi turns to me and snakes his arms around my neck to pull me close. He doesn't care that anyone else is here. He's too out of it.

Mikasa and Armin take that as a sign to move, so they sit back down on a love seat next to the couch. Erwin and Hanji come down too as Levi starts weeping again. Loudly. I don't blame him. He had finally gotten past it. Grisha's in jail. And he still managed to hurt Levi.

He's grabbing my shirt, arm, pants, using them all to pull me close. As if I might disappear. I never took the time to realize how me killing myself would've hurt Levi. 

He acted like he would've lost something important. Maybe that's what he thinks. Maybe he was scared of losing someone again. I thought he was lying, but maybe he needs me as much as I need him.

 

His cries fade into sniffles and his tears dry into a shaking. I wrap my arms around him and try to keep him steady. He nuzzles into me and I kiss his head as he drifts off again, pulling me with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah. I'm sorry.


	25. Relief

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it's taken so long to update. I've been uber busy and I hit my head so I've been super tired. Sorry about that guys:/
> 
> So, this fic is nearing its end. It's just a few more chapters then we're done. Thank you all so much for the support and just everything.
> 
> So this chapter is part fluff part kind of smut. It's pretty much a happy chapter and it took me way too long to write considering it's such a short chapter. Sorry bout that. Enjoy:)

Levi's POV

 

_I'm in a dark room. Familiar but dark. My old home. I turn on a light switch and see two dead bodies that have haunted my mind for year. I look up to see Grisha, knife in hand, slitting Eren's throat. I with the life fade from his eyes and he limply drops to the ground. No. Not again. Grisha walks over, literally stepping on the bodies with a maniacal smile. He stops right in front of me and looks down at me. "Better wake up, Levi," he says before stabbing me, effectively waking me up._

I jolt awake to see Eren's wide eyes above me. Something about his presence is enough to relax me. He looks tired, bags under his eyes profound. He pushes my sweats bangs out of my face and smiles at me. "It's okay," he mouths to me. I notice how dark the basement is and that nobody is here. How long was I asleep?

Eren climbs off of me and sits at the the edge of the couch, next to me. He picks up his mother's guitar and starts playing. I forgot he left that here. Good thing he did. He's just fingerpicking random stuff, but it sounds good. I curl myself around him as he plays. It's calming, just having him close as he plays a soothing melody. I listen to the music soothe me as he sways back and forth.

I eventually relax from the dream and push it out of my mind. "How did you sleep?" I ask and he messes up his tab at the question. He sets down the guitar and pulls me onto his lap.

"Good" he signs and I stare at him incredulously. His eyes are hollowed out and he's shaking a little, disproving his point . He looks the other way when he notices that I know he's lying. I reach my hand to his shoulders and pull myself up to I'm level with him as I sit on his lap, straddling him.

He turns his head to me, blushing as I rest my forehead on his. "Nightmares?" I ask and he nods, eyes not meeting mine and I'm confused. "Why are you trying to hide that?" I ask and he moves so he can pull out his phone.

 _"Because you have a lot of stuff to deal with and you worry too much about my nightmares."_ He types and I lean forward and peck his lips.

"I worry because I care, just like you're worrying about me." I say and he leans forward to kiss me. It's light, but sweet as I wrap my hands around his neck. I pull back and look into his eyes, putting my head on his.

He's really beautiful. I don't think I'll ever get past that. How can a man be that pretty and still be such a... well, man? He has such a big heart and I can't help but love all of it. I tilt my head up and kiss his nose and he hides his face in his hands. _Cute._

He drops his hands to wrap them around my waist as he moves to lay us down. We're both still shaking, but it's better now. I know he's here and he knows he's safe. That's all we can hope for, right? I pull him close until our bodies are flushed and move in and kiss Eren.

This one lasts awhile, slow and lazy, but holding all the emotions we can't say. It's entrancing, like nothing else matters but right now. And maybe that's right. All I need is the man in front of me. There's something in me that knows that's true. Well, almost true. I need closure. And I know Eren does too. But for right now, I need nothing more than to be in Eren's arms.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

I wake up the next morning to Mikasa poking my arm with a shit eating grin and an envelope in her hand. I jolt up when I realize what that must be. U of M. It's a big envelope. That's good, right? She hands it to me and I open as quickly as I can.

"...you have been admitted to the University of Michigan College of Performing Arts... Oh my god." I say and Mikasa jumps up and down.

"You got in!" She says but I'm still reading.

"Mikasa. I got a scholarship." I say I shock and she jumps on the couch and tackles me in a hug.

"I'm so proud of you," she says and I feel something moving from behind me. Eren peaks his head up in confusion and Mikasa practically shove the paper in his face. I think she's been hanging out with Hanji too much.

He groggily rubs his eyes as he reads the paper, until he actually realizes what it says because his eyes widen and he grins widely as he joins Mikasa in the tackle hug. I can't breathe with all the people on me, but I don't care. It's a happy breathlessness. Mikasa gets up and starts to walk upstairs.

"We're gonna celebrate. Be ready in two hours," she said and as soon as I hear her upstairs, Eren smashes our mouths together. I open my mouth and he lets himself in by licking at my tongue. My hands string themselves in his hair and I feel my dick twitch as he gasps in my mouth.

I move to straddle him to find something hard poking at my stomach. I break the kiss and look down to see Eren sporting a large erection that I can't help but moan as I see. He is _long_. Like wow, congratulations. It's probably a good inch longer than mine but I don't really care because I want it in me so badly.

I grind out hips together and Eren throws his head back in a silent moan. He continues to kiss me, swallowing my moans as we grind like sluts at a homecoming dance. He moves his kiss to the a spot by the back of my ear as I press myself down onto Eren. He lightly bites my ear as I pull his hair and he breaks the kiss to sigh.

His hands slide down to my ass and he uses it to grind us together. I know I'm gonna come soon, but looking at Eren, so is he. His pupils are blown out and his lips are brusing and the flush in his skin stretching down to his neck and I have to wonder how much further it goes. He looks so out of it and I wonder what he would look like during real sex. he leans forward and sucks on my jaw and before I know it, my vision turns white.

He cums at the same time and it's probably the hottest thing I've ever seen. His head falls back with his mouth open in a silent moan, glistening in sweat. Did we just cum from dry humping? He smiles sheepishly and grabs his phone. _"Congratulations!!!"_ He says and I smirk.

"Because of the school or because I grinded you to an orgasm?" I say and he blushes with a shameless smirk.

"Both," he mouths to me.

"Well, I have to change my pants and have to walk past Mikasa now, so thanks," I say and he leans forward and pecks my lips, leaving me still a blushing, pounding-hearted fool. He doesn't let go of me, instead just cuddles up to me. One of his hands disappear before his phone is being handed to me.

 _"Seriously Levi, I'm so proud of you."_ He wrote and I feel myself blush. I look up to him to see him looking down at me lovingly. God, I don't know how I got so lucky with him. Despite everything, he still loves me. I must have done something right to have this man in my arms.

"So, did anyone get that suitcase from yesterday?" I ask and he stiffens before nodding. I reach up and stroke his cheek and he leans into it. "Well, we need to get changed or else we'll get a lot of questions later," I say and he smirks.

 _"I don't think you realize how loud you were. I think Mika probably heard all of that."_ He writes and hands to me. _Well fuck._

 

 

Eren's POV

 

 

We all met up at the 104th later that day and the pure amount of shit-eating grins we got as we walked in meant this was gonna be a long night. I sat next to Levi and Armin on the booth which I soon started to regret. "So, you too finally did the do?" Armin says and feel the blood rush to my face.

"Shut up Mushroom, Eren's still a virgin." Levi says and I elbow him.

"Ooo, sassy. Trouble in paradise?" Petra says and I shake my head.

"You two are so cute." Marco says and my blush gets worse.

"You all need to shut up before Eren shits his pants over here." Levi says and I damn well near do after I hear Mikasa speak.

"Or cums his pants." She says and at that point I just hide behind Levi, sticking my head between him and the booth.

"You know, I'm a little more concerned on the fact Erwin can't walk." Levi says and my head shoots back up as Armin blushes a deep red. I look to Erwin to see him blushing pink and glaring at Levi. Well that's new.

"How was it?" Hanji asks and I have to hold back a laugh at her eager face. Armin squeaks and Erwin turns to her.

"He knows what he's doing." He says and I swear if any more blood goes to Armin's head, he's gonna pass out.

"We're gonna stop taking about our sex life right now," Armin says, voice cracking in the process.

"Yeah, we're here to celebrate!" Reiner's says enthusiastically.

"I think this calls for a song," Connie says and Levi groans the sexiest groan I've ever heard and my blood starta to travel south.

"Fine. Only because I know I'm not gonna hear anyone as shitty as you in college now." Levi says and Connie puts a hand over his heart.

"Levi, I though what we had was special!" Connie says, feigning hurt.

"Only in your wet dreams." Levi says and the whole table erupts in laughter.

"Yeah yeah, just go have sex with your boyfriend." Connie says as he approaches the mic. Levi leans closer to me and grab my inner thigh.

"Maybe I will." He says and my blood finishes the race to my dick.


	26. Maybe It's Not Over

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a long ass chapter holy shit. Hi guys! So, here's the smut you guys wanted! Warning... It probably sucks. There a bit of angst, but I have a feeling you guys will be happy with this chapter. Enjoy!

Levi's POV

 

 

As soon as the door was shut, Eren's tongue was in my mouth. You know how people start out slow with sex? Start with a handjob and build your way up? That's not how it's going with us. Eren told me he was ready. He wanted to have sex with me.

That was about five minutes ago and as soon as we both got out of the car, we knew it was gonna be tonight. Kenny was sleeping over at his boyfriend's house, Mikasa was at Annie's, and we had the house to ourselves. So as soon as we got inside, Eren's was practically carrying my upstairs. As much as it makes sense to do this in the basement, I have a perfectly good bed in my room and I actually have lube.

Eren fought with my tongue for dominance, which I lost as soon as he grabbed my ass. His hands slide down my hips until they reached my thighs so he can pick me up. We make it upstairs, somehow not breaking the kiss, and Eren puts me down on the bed.

He kisses my jaw and makes his way down until he's nipping at my neck. He probably shouldn't do that since we have school tomorrow, but I could care less as his teeth scraps against the skin and his hand snakes down to palm me through my pants.

I moan loudly as I buck up to his hand. I feel him smirk into my neck as his hand moves up and lifts my shirt up. Before he even has it off, he's lips trail to my nipple and he harshly sucks at one. "Mmm," I groan and writhe under him as he bites down.

He quickly goes to the next one as his hands start to unbutton my jeans. He shoves them down with my underwear and I kick them off, not caring where they land. He looks down at my erect cock with such lust that it visibly twitches, making him smirk.

He reaches down and grabs it, thumbing the head and he moves his kisses down and places one right on the slit. "F-fuck!" I yell shamelessly as his tongue trails down to a puckering hole. "Don't... d-don't you need to take off your clothes too?" I say and he hesitates. He bites his lips shyly, but it's honestly really hot as I sit up to face him.

"It's fine, Eren." I say as I try to hold back the urge to just rip his clothes off because, fuck, I really hope this is actually happening. I cup his cheek with one hand and he gives a small smile. He nods and pulls off his shirt, revealing all of his scars.

There are slashes on his stomach that lead to his back and his arms trail his self inflicted scars. As sad as they make me, they in no way lessen just how attractive the sight is to me. He's Eren, scars and all, and I love him all the same.

"You're so beautiful," I say as I lean forward and kiss him. I feel his cheeks heat up as I grab his face and he grabs the small of my back. I wrap my legs around him, feeling the friction of my cock on his abs and his clothed dick on my ass. Eren reaches down and takes his pants off, underwear too, leaving us both laying, naked and making out.

I reach to my nightstand and pull the lube out of the drawer. I have gotten off so many nights with my fingers and the thought of Eren, and now it's actually happening. I hand him the lube and he smirks at me before grabbing my legs and pushing them up.

He settles himself between my legs and pours some lube on his fingers as he plants open mouthed kisses to the inside of my thighs. He circles my hole with his wet finger before putting it in, barely even entering but enough to make me moan loudly. I throw my head back as Eren's tongue makes an appearance as he pushes it in slowly.

"Eren!" I yell as he pushes it as far in as he can. He thrusts it in and out, adding a finger in as I squirm beneath him. His tongue leaves as he pushes a second finger in all the way. "Oh fuck!" I moan as he scizzors me open, stretching me as far as possible before adding a third one. There's a small stinging at that, but it's soon forgotten as Eren pushes on something that turns my vision white.

"Yes, right there!" I scream and grind down on Eren's fingers. The coil in my stomach tightens as he prods at that spot. Worrying I'll cum too soon, I moan loudly to him. "Please Eren." He throws his head back as I say his name and he pulls his fingers out of me. I whimper at the loss until I see Eren grab the lube. He pours some in his hand before stroking himself.

I groan at the sight of him jerking himself off, making him smirk and continue. My hand trails down and starts to do the same thing. I try to match my pumps with his, but I want nothing more than for him to pump into me than his hand. "Eren, I need you in me." I moan and before I know it, he's crashing he's mouth on mine.

I wrap my legs around him and grab his large cock to align him to my ass. He slowly pushes into me, not stopping until he's all the way in. We both throw our heads back as he bottoms out. He's so big and I'm so full of him, I can't imagine I'm not insanely tight around his girth.

I grind my hips experimentally and he takes it as a sign. He slowly pulls out until just the tip is in and pushes back in, but it's not fast enough so I thrust to meet his hips. "Harder!" I yell and damn does he deliver. He pulls back out of me before slamming back into me, much faster than before.

"Fuck! Yes!" I scream as he continues to fuck me. He kisses at my neck and I let out a loud moan as he bites down right as he fills me. It's so fast and so much, it's overwhelming and I love every second of it. It's not just blind fucking either as he lightly nips at my ear, obviously holding back, but I don't want him to hold back.

I meet his next thrust at a surprising pace for both of us and I let out a moan that would be so embarrassing if I didn't want this so badly. "Don't hold back, Eren" I moan out and he nods before pulling out of me and slamming into my so hard, we move back a few inches.

"Yes! Just like that!" I say as he moves my legs above his arms, pounding into me until he finds a spot where everything goes white. "Right there!" I scream and he keeps slamming there. He pounds relentlessly, hips stuttering the harder he goes.

The coil in my stomach tightens, and I feel his cock twitch inside of me as he looks at me. He pulls out almost all the way before shoving in as hard as he can and I let out a loud moan as he does so, making my vision white as I'm overcome with the pleasure. I wonder if I could cum like this, from just being filled.

I'm staring to think it's possible as he slams into me again, pushing onto that spot that makes my dick want to explode. "Shit, I'm gonna..." Is all I can say before he pushes into me one last time and I cum with a scream of his name. He cums at the same time, filling me with his seed before he pulls out of me.

He goes to my bathroom and brings out a wet washcloth to wipe us down. He takes off the first blanket and puts it to the side before laying down next to me and wiping me down. He throws the towel over to where the blanket is and I scoot closer to him.

"I love you." I say as he turns to me and smiles a sleepy smile. "Too," he mouths and wraps his arms around my waists. I bring mine around his neck and kiss his lips lightly. He buries his face in my hair and rubs circles into my back.

"Shit, we have school tomorrow." I say and he shakes his head. "Skip?" I say and he nods, making me laugh. Nobody will question him being gone after what happened on Friday and I don't really care much at this point if I miss. I was just fucked and I'm not moving until necessary.

I tilt my head and start to nip at his neck, and after a moments he's leaning into it. We're both too tired for a round two, but I can tell he's enjoying this as he throws his head back. I'm literally just kissing and lightly biting at his neck as we cuddle. He's still rubbing my back when I feel something hard against my leg. I guess I was wrong about him being too tired.

He looks down sheepishly and I move to get up. "You, me, shower, now." I say, but as soon as I move off of the bed, I drop to the ground as pain shoots up my legs. _Well fuck._ Eren walks around to where I am and picks me up off the ground. Sometime I forget just how manly Eren is until he does something like this. Or fucks me. Because damn, I can't even walk.

He takes me over to the shower and I'm surprised to see him start to run a bath. I shoot him a questioning look and he holds up one finger and leaves the room before coming back with a notepad.

 _"You really want to try and stand in the shower?"_ He wrote and I point to his erect dick.  _"I'll be fine, I've kind of already had two orgasms today thanks to you."_ He writes and blushes as he shows it to me. _God, he's cute._

The bath finishes filling and he picks me up and moves me over to it before setting me lightly in. He gets in behind me and I take his arms and wrap them around me, tracing some of the scars. He eventually, umm, calms down, and then moves up so our bodies are flushed. That's honestly a stupid idea consider he just got his dick to fall, but he seems fine as he leans up and kisses my ear.

I turn my head to his and capture is lips on mine. It's a slow kiss, I think anything fast would set off his dick again. I have to hold back a laugh at that. _God, when did he get so horny?_ I guess today. I tilt my head further to deepen the kiss. I pull back just to breath in the humid room.

When I turn back around to continue, he's getting up to dry himself off. I send him a questioning look and he sends me a sad smile before coming and picking me up. _Did I miss something?_ He sets me down on the bed before going back to the bathroom.

I hear the bath being drained as he walks over with his notepad. He sets it down on the nightstand and lays down next to me. He reached up to rub my shoulder as I lean my forehead on his. "You okay?" I ask and he nods, but something feels off. "Was it the sex?" I ask and he reached back to get his notebook.

 _"Hell no. That was great."_ He writes and I smile, but my question is still unanswered.

"Talk to me." I say and he looks down before grabbing his pen.

 _"That's the problem. I can't."_ He writes and I look to him.

"Eren..." I say and he shakes his head.

 _"Levi, I've never told you I love you. That really sucks. I have to sign it or write it, but I can't say it. I can't say anything for any major things that happen to me anymore, and a lot of major things have happened to me. I just wish this part was easier."_ He writes and I nod.

"Did you ever look up to see if there's a cure?" I ask and he shakes his head.

 _"I thought that they'd tell me if there was, but I'm not too sure anymore."_ He says and I nod.

"Go get my laptop." I say and he sends me a confused look before getting it anyway. He brings it over and I pull up a webpage. "What's your email?" I ask and he takes the computer and types in 'gmail'. He types in his username and password and I take the computer.

I type in the doctor's name and hospital and sure enough, I find her email. Eren copies and pastes it and I lay on my back as he writes out the email. It did seem kind of odd that it was irreversible. Maybe there's a chance that something will work. Eren pokes my shoulder and shows me the email.

 

_Dr. Grey,_

_I'm emailing you to ask what treatment is available for me. I'm aware you've already treated me, but I assume you talked to my father about said treatment. As you are now aware, my best interest was not his intention. I would like to know what else may be done so that, if possible, I may be able to speak again._

_Thank you,_

_Eren Jaeger_

 

"Great." I say and he smiles to me. He clicks sends and shuts the laptop. He puts it to the side with his notebook before wrapping his arms around me and pulling me close.

He holds me close as I get us under the thin blanket that's left. I wrap my arms around his neck and we hold each other until we both fall into dreamless sleeps.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel so awkward about posting smut, not gonna lie:/


	27. Get Back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've really gotten bad at updates. Sorry about that. I'm really far in my other fic, but I need to write a a few chapter to get to that point. Pretty much, my writing is kind of all over the place, so thank you for being patient. So, here's the chapter! Enjoy!

Levi's POV

 

 

I woke up with a pillow to the face. "What the fuck, Eren!" I said before my eyes fell on him. He was laying in my bed. On my computer. Naked. I've never been one for morning wood, but if I wake up to this every morning, I might start.

He has a big smile on his face as he points to the computer. I scoot closer to him and read the email that was pulled up.

 

_Dear Eren,_

_I'm emailing in regards to your question from before. I'm glad to say that there is a procedure that is in the experimental phase that has only proven to be successful. We could make you artificial vocal cords and adjust them for you to both talk and eat. There are a few side effects with it, like you can't eat or drink too quickly and you're prone to pneumonia, but you would by able to speak again. Your father told me to do the other since it was the faster treatment. I'm sorry I haven't contacted you sooner about this. Come in today @ 6pm if you're interested._

_Thank you,_

_Rose Grey PhD._

 

"Oh my gosh, that's awesome Eren!" I say and turn to him to see him grinning like I haven't seen in awhile. He leans forward and pecks his lips on mine, but long enough to leave his taste with a small bit of morning breath. He picks up his notepad and scribbles something down before handing it to me.

 _"Can you take me after soccer? I needed_ _to work with Jean anyway."_ He writes.

"You're working with Jean again?" I ask and he nods.

 _"Yeah. I figure I can kick a ball as long as I don't hit myself or fall."_ He says and I nod too. _"You're not jealous, are you?"_ He writes and I roll my eyes.

"I didn't think you were one to fuck and run, but okay," I say and he laughs through his nose before move on top of me and straddling me.

"I'm staying right here." He signs and leans down and kisses me.

 

 

Eren's POV

 

 

 _"I swear to god Jean, if you would just get you thumb out of your ass and fucking listen to me, you could do this."_ I was so done with his shit. It's honestly not as hard as he's making it.

"Fuck off Jaeger, I'm trying here." He neighs and rolls the ball back to my feet. He gets back into position and I kick it next to him, but he still doesn't fall right.

 _"Fuck this. I'm gonna show you how to do this."_ I write and his eyes widen.

"Eren, maybe that's not a..." He shuts up when I flick him off. It's been four weeks, I think I'll be fine as long as I don't hit my neck. I get into position and he hesitates before kicking it lightly to me. I slide to my side and grab it, being careful of my neck yet at the same time not caring at all. I'm not gonna fucking break. I catch the ball in my hands and stand up, wiping the dirt off my legs.

I know it's weird, but I really missed my soccer shorts. It's getting really hot outside and it's nice to have a excuse to wear almost nothing. Plus Levi has been been staring at my legs all day. Yeah, I have good legs and yes, I'll admit it. Plus today I'm finally wearing a short sleeved shirt, leaving my scars open. I guess I really have nothing to hide anymore. It's nice for a change.

I get up, ball at my hip, and walk over to where Jean is gaping at me. I pick up Pixis' white board and write with a smirk. _"Yeah, I still got it. If I can still do it, so can you. Now go do what I did. Right now."_ He nods and runs back to his place at goal, obviously intimidated. Good. Cause this is still my position, even if I still have to wait two more weeks.

I'll be back for the last game of the season, plus the two practices before that. There are recruiters coming to the game and it's mt last chance before the fall to get noticed. I talked to Pixis to work it all out and he's excited to have me back.

I kick the ball to him and he flattens out, but doesn't get his arms out in time. I shake my head smiling as I open the white board marker. _"So close."_ I write and he smiles tiredly as I tuck the marker behind my ear.

"At least we have the rest of practice," Jean says and I nod as he rolls the ball to me. Pixis made them scrimmage first thing today and left the rest of practice for drills and games. We have a game against the catholic school in town. They call themselves the Saints, be we call them the Cult.

I kick the ball over to Jean and he dives near perfectly. I give him a thumbs up and he rolls me the ball as he smile, which suddenly turns to a shit-eating grin. I shoot him a questioning look before I suddenly feel someone tug on my hair and a warmth encase my mouth.

I look to see Levi practically smirking through his eyes as he breaks the kiss and runs away with no explanation. I look to Jean to see him smirk. "Don't think the whole team hasn't noticed his limp." He says and my face heats up. I flick him off and kick the ball as hard as I can into his gut, making him lose wind and fall down. Yup. I _definitely_ still got it.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

I ended up going to the doctor's with Armin. I had told, well written, him what was going on and he insisted he drive me which I was kind of happy about. As much as I love Levi, I missed my best friend. He's sitting with me in the waiting room as we await my doctor. We were texting as we waited since waiting rooms are always scarily quiet.

 

From Armin- Seriously though! What was he like? We're best friends, you can't not tell me this stuff.

To Armin- FINE. He was really loud. Like, remember when I walked in on you watching porn? That loud.

From Armin- Woah. That's kind of hot.

To Armin- I know! He was really sweet too. I was kind of nervous because of the scars and all that.

From Armin- I have to ask... what other scars do you have?

To Armin- To say the least, I'm never gonna be into s&m.

From Armin- ...Shit dude

To Armin- The scars look way more painful than they were. The whole, you know, "rape" thing was the most painful.

From Armin- Do you think you'd ever want to bottom?

To Armin- Oh yeah! Dude, I want Levi to top, no doubt, but it would have to be really gentle. I just don't know since he's probably used to it hard.

From Armin- Yeah, I could see that. But it was enjoyable, right?

To Armin- Ar? I came twice yesterday. In my whole life, I've came three times. What do you think?

 

"Eren Jaeger?" I hear the nurse say and I shove my phone in my pocket, trying to prevent the blush from coming to my face. I stand up and walk over to see the young man smile. Armin and I follow him to a room. He asks the basic questions before leaving to get Dr. Grey.

"You nervous?" Armin asks and I nod. I didn't even know it was possible until today. I might talk again. Something about that makes me scared that that's gonna change again. Dr. Grey comes in and smiles sheepishly at me.

"I'm sorry, Eren, but I have to make this short." She says and I nod to her. Smiling, she continues. "As soon as your healing period is over, we can start. Basically, we're adding tissue and injecting it with a gel that replaces the muscles that make up the vocal cords. We can start as soon or as late as you want once you've hit six weeks on your tracheotomy." She says and I pick up my pen.

 _"So I can definitely do this?"_ I write and she nods.

"Yes, free of charge to because of the... inconvenience." She says and I can't help but be relieved that Hannes doesn't have to pay. "If it's okay, I have to go. If you go to the front desk, you can schedule the procedure. Have a nice day." She says before waving and leaving. I turn to Armin and throw my arms around him.

I'll be able to talk again. _Holy shit._ Armin giggles before returning the embrace. "I'm glad you're happy, Eren." He says and he's right. I'm happy.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Mikasa met us at Armin's house, so here we are in his room, on the floor, heads on each others laps. "It's been so long since we've done this." Mikasa says and I nod on her stomach.

"It seems like so much is different." Armin says and I pick up my notebook.

 _"But it's really not. If anything, it's getting better."_ I write and they both smile.

"I'm just glad you're safe now." Mikasa says and plays with my hair. "Oh, by the way," she says before smacking me upside the head. I turn to her in exasperation and she looks back with the most serious face I've seen in awhile. "I swear, if you ever hide anything like that again, I will not hesitate to kick your ass." She says and I smile sheepishly at her.

"I won't." I sign and she smiles before laying back down and running her finger along my head again.

"So, what up with you and Annie?" Armin asks and Mikasa's stomach warms up.

"Well... to say the least, I'm the first here to lose their virginity." She says and my jaw drops.

"Go Mika," Armin says and I breath out a laugh.

 _"Maybe a little has changed."_ I write and they laugh.

"I guess we kind of grew up. Plus got laid." Mikasa says and I nod again. We continued talking just like old times until we all fall asleep in each others arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't mean for Eren to talk lightly about his rape. It's more because he knows how Armin feels bad for not helping and doesn't want to make it worse. Sorry if that offends anyone.


	28. Dream

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I'm freaking out because YOU GUYS GOT ME TO 5K HITS!!! Thank you all sooooooooooo much, it means the world to me. Like wow. Anyway, so here's the chapter! So, this chapter has a few trigger warnings: bad dreams, cutting, stitches, self hate. Yup. Sorry about that. So, it's kind of long, but hey, it works. Enjoy!

Eren's POV

 

 

I woke up in a jolt. I was lucky I didn't wake up Armin and Mikasa, but I was shaking frantically. Shit, that felt so real. My neck is tingling from where Grisha had grabbed in the dream. I feel filthy. Like he's essence is on me. I climb over Armin and Mikasa and go to Armin's bathroom, not caring what time it is.

I turn on the shower and quickly strip off my clothes. I get in when its scalding hot and grab the soap. The burning water mixed with the burn of scrubbing is enough wake me up, but I still feel awful. Pitiful. _Filthy._ I start scrubbing at my hips instinctually, not stopping until I see a familiar Crimson that finally tells me I'm clean. Well, clean there.

It just doesn't feel right. There's an overwhelming sense of just flat out emotional pain ripping through my core. Before I know what I'm doing, I use Armin's razor and cut a strips from my wrist to my elbow. It hurts like a bitch, but it's a new pain to take me out of my slump.

I watch as it starts to bleed and move to sit on the floor. The blood circles the drain and I turn off the water. I just pull my knees to my chest and sit there, the warm liquid coming from my arm and hip. I sit there until someone suddenly pulls back the curtain and steps into the shower.

Armin crouches down in front of me and lightly takes my arm, looking at the cut. He sighs before taking me by my armpits and pulling me up. He looks concerned, yet composed as he pulls me up. He grabs a towel and wraps me in it before sitting me on the toilet. He puts ointment on my wounds and wraps them enough to help close them. He dresses me as I sit, lost in my mind.

Eventually, after I'm dressed, Mikasa comes in with a sad smile and asks if I'm okay. On instinct, I say I'm okay, but I feel so far from it. Armin gives me one of his cardigans to wear so I have something to cover my arms and then we all get ready for school. It's so normal, yet so not. I haven't felt this awful in awhile.

I brush my teeth and get ready for the day, text Hannes to check in, and go downstairs to sit on Armin's couch. I have all of my stuff packed up and I'm going home tonight. Hannes said if I wanted to, I could have people over. I can tell he's trying hard, but it does help to have people with me sometimes.

I have a feeling tonight might be one of those nights as I hear a voice stuck in the back of my mind. _"Useless." "Pitiful." "Nothing."_ I just want it to stop, but it won't. I feel a strong pair of arms wrap around me and I look up to see Mikasa, hugging. She doesn't say anything, just sits with her arms around my waist, careful to avoid my hips. I lean my head in hers and we sit there until Armin comes down. We get breakfast and leave in silence.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

I start bleeding through the cardigan during civics. I was sitting there when I was the red deep through the blue. _Well shit._ I stupidly raise my bad arm to ask to be excused and the looks I get are pretty interesting to say the least. The teacher let me leave with no hesitation.

I leave, feeling a medley of shocked and concerned looks at my back, and go to the bathroom. I pull off the cardigan when I get there to see the blood seeping through my bandages. I take them off and examine the cut to see its a bit worse that I thought before.

The sides of it are sticking out and white while there's still quite a lot of blood pouring from it. _Shit, what do I do now? Wait, doesn't Hanji have free period?_ I pull my phone out and shoot her a text and pretty soon, I have a reply.

 

 

To Hanj<3:)***- I need you're medical expertise.

From Hanj<3:)***- Sure! Wait. Should I be worried?

To Hanj<3:)***- Can you just meet me the nurses office?

From Hanj<3:)***- Okiday.

 

I grab some paper towels for my arm and walk to the nurses hallway. It's like halfway across the school, so I get even more weird looks as I walk with bloody paper towels and a bloody cardigan. I really hope Armin isn't too pissed about the sweater.

I meet Hanji and am surprised to see that Erwin is with her. I really only wanted to deal with one person. He waves until he sees what's probably the red staining the towel already. She lets me into the nurses office and I sit up on the bed.

"Okay, so can I see your arm?" She says and I extend my arm out to her. She pulls of the towel and makes a face at it that says nothing but "oh shit". "Yeah, you're gonna need stitches. I have the stuff around here." She says and moves the the cabinets.

"Gosh, I haven't had to do this since your first fight with Jean." She says with a laugh, obviously trying to lighten the tension. Erwin is openly staring at my arm, face impassive and I get a little nervous when he looks up and opens his mouth.

"So, how did this happen?" He asks and gets a notepad and puts it down by my right hand with a pen.

 _"Shaving accident."_ I say and I hear an unconvinced hum. Hanji comes back over with disinfecting stuff and a needle with medical thread.

"I'm gonna head out." Erwin says and Hanji waves before coming over to me. She washes my arm off throughly before threading the needle.

"So, Eren... some shaving accident," Hanji says and I look away. "I'm not that oblivious, this is your worst in awhile: and longest. What's up?" She says and I cringe, but try to stay relaxed as she pushes the needle in and I write to her.

 _"I had this nightmare, worse than its been in awhile. I just woke up in a panic and well, that happened. Plus my hip is raw right now."_ I say and she nods.

"Have you told Levi?" She asks and I sigh.

 _"I've been purposefully avoiding him. I think Armin told him and I'm scared to see his reaction. He just worries about me a lot. It's like he wants me to just be okay and I am okay, I'm just not good, or even fine for that matter."_ I write and she hums.

"I get it. We all want you to get better, but it's stupid to think you're just all of the sudden recovered. You had a relapse, it happens, but he does need to know." She says and it's moments like this I really appreciate Hanji. She can be wise, but not too heavy at the same time.

 _"I guess you're right."_ I write and she nods.

"Of course I am, hun. Now let me finish then I'm taking you out for ice cream with Mama Hanj!" She says and I look to her before scribbling another note.

 _"I have class though."_ I say and she laughs.

"Now, would you rather go to classes and learn nothing or get ice cream? I really doubt they'd get that mad at you." She says and I nod. It was surprising how much teachers were willing to help me. I have all a's and b's, despite never going to classes. I hated that it was a pity act, but moments like this, I couldn't help but be grateful.

She finishes up surprisingly quickly for such a long cut and smiles at her work. "Some of my finest work." She says and I can't help but smile with her. It's nice to have a friend like Hanji.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

It wasn't until I was in the locker room before practice that I was worried. I was changing with Jean thanks to my early free periods I had just taken off my shirt when he suddenly swore. "Holy shit!" He says and I turned to see him staring at me with wide eyes. _Oh right, he's never seen me without a shirt._

He takes a step closer to me and walks around me, taking in my torso. Then he takes a step back and just looks at me for a minute and I start to feel uncomfortable. I feel a heat rise to my cheeks before his eyes widen and he stutters.

"Shit, I'm sorry. I just... didn't know it was... well, that bad." He says and I smile uncomfortably and nod.

"Um, what's up with the arm?" He says and I shrug nervously, but he seems to get it. "Oh." He says and I pull a shirt out, inwardly swearing the fact it's short sleeve.

I pull on the green shirt before changing into my black soccer pants. Grabbing my cleats, I go outside with Jean and plop down on the grass to put my shoes on. As much as I love the feeling of grass under my feet, I really just want to play.

I get my stuff on as quickly as possible before grabbing one of the balls Jean brought out. I start to dribble it, just moving across the field. I try to stay at a slow pace, but I really just want to run. The early summer heat warms me as I kick the ball into the net. Jean gets to the net and rolls it to me and we start him up. I kick it into his chest over and over again, warming him up for actual work. We fall into a rhythm that isn't broken until I see Levi come out.

I think Jean notices my hesitation, because he smile at me and claps his hands together. "Best you got, Jaeger?" He says and that alone fires me up. _Challenge accepted._ I kick them as hard as I can at him, changing the angles. He can't get all of them since I'm hitting his weak points, but hey, I'm here to train him and this is how you learn.

I do this until on one of the times, I go to kick it and fall. It's not a pretty fall either, my ungracefulness kicking in as I lamd on my back. It doesn't really hurt at all, actually, I'm laughing on the ground. Jean runs up to me and looks worried until he sees me laughing.

"Holy shit, you scared me, you asshole." He says, laughter breaking into his voice. I sign to him, calling him a Horseface and he laughs even harder. He offers a hand to me and I take it with my good arm. He pulls me to my feet, but I have to lean on him as I laugh. It's an ugly laugh that consists of heavy breathing and snorts, making Jean laugh all the more.

I look up to see half the team staring at us like we have penises on our forehead. Probably because we're actually getting along in a nonaggressive way. We both finally calm down and head over to Pixis, who tells the two of us what time the other team is gonna get there so we can meet in the locker room.

I'm heading back over to the net when someone grabs my bad arm. I look to see a painfully worried Levi observing my stitches. He looks at the black line going up my arm with a frown on his face. I pull it from him and he looks up at me, looking hurt. _I probably shouldn't have avoided him today._

"Are you okay?" He asks and picks up Pixis' whiteboard from the bench.

"Yeah, I'm okay." I write and he looks unconvinced, but we have to warm up, so he just says "we need to talk" before he leaves. _Well shit._

 

 

Levi's POV

 

 

I go to Eren's house after the game. The car ride is rather quiet, despite the win. We both decide to skip going out with the team for the night. We're laying down in his bed, both holding our phones as he explains what happened.

 

 

To Eren- Eren, why didn't you just tell me that?

From Eren- I don't know. I mean, I wasn't too happy with myself to begin with, plus you worry about me too much.

 

 

I read what he sends as he looks down. I put a hand on his cheek and peck his lips. "Eren, I'm always going to worry. It's not a bad thing. I worry about you just like I worry about everyone I love. I don't want you to feel like you need to hide this stuff from me, okay?" I say and he opens his phone again.

 

 

From Eren- Levi?

To Eren- Yeah?

From Eren- I think I need to see him.

 

 

I look up to him to see his blue eyes wide, nervous looking and scared.

 

To Eren- Was he in your dream?

From Eren- Yeah. I just want to see him behind bars. I need to know he's never getting out.

To Eren- I think that's a good idea.

 

I click send before typing an extra message.

 

To Eren- I'm coming with you.

 

He look up at me in shock, but as he sees my face, it settles into understanding. I need to face the man who killed my brother and sister. The man who hurt the man I love. Eren types again and my phone vibrates in my hand.

 

From Eren- Shit, that just got heavy.

To Eren- Yeah, it did.

From Eren- You know, Hannes works really late tonight.

 

Eren is smirking seductively and my dick responds much too quickly for my likings. "You seriously want to have sex after we talk about that?" I say and he picks up his phone.

 

From Eren- Do you know how hard it was to stay away from you today?

 

Well, I guess I can't argue with that. I toss my phone to the side and move on top on him. "God, I love you." I say with a honest smile before leaning down and capturing his lips with mine. _Wow, I'm lucky._


	29. Invitation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I decided after last week, it was time for a short, fluff chapter! Yay! That's basically it. Thank ya'll and enjoy!

Levi's POV

 

 

It was within the next week I started panicking. Graduation was in a week. I wasn't even that nervous for that. It was the fact I hadn't asked Eren to prom and it's two days after graduation. I'm an idiot.

I realized how stupid I was when Moblit publicly asked Hanji to prom. It was cute and she answered by kissing him and he fainted. But hey, he has a girlfriend now. But here I am, not having asked Eren to prom.

I'm not one to go crazy about prom, but I am kind of leaving next year. Eren and I were walking downtown when I decided to bring it up. "So, prom is in two weeks." I say, trying to be casual about it. Eren nods absentmindedly, not really listening. _Crap, that's real helpful._

"Got any plans for..." I start before he pulls his hand out of mine and walks toward the rail of a bridge. He leans down and I go over to see him looking at a duck with a face of disgust.

"Hate birds that much?" I ask and he nods and pulls out his notebook.

 _"A goose once bit my ass when my mom and I were feeding ducks."_ He writes and I smile at his appalled look.

"So, as I was saying..." I say and he walks away again. I stand and look after him and laugh. That little shit is playing hard to get. I pull out my phone and text my craziest people for the job.

 

To Group- I need to ask Eren to prom.

 

It's not even a minute until I feel my butt vibrate as I catch up with Eren and grab his hand. I don't look at it until we get to my truck.

 

From Hanj- YOU SERIOUSLY FORGOT UNTIL NOW?

From Eyebrows- ...No words, Levi. No words.

 

I sigh and look over to Eren, who's smiling into his own conversation. Probably Armin. Half of the time I feel like I'm a side hoe in their relationship. I shoot a text back and start the car.

 

To Group- I just need your help. I think he's a little upset about it.

 

 

Eren's POV

 

 

I'm not gonna lie, I was a little upset Levi hadn't asked me to prom yet. He wanted to bring it up casually after making my wait this long. Erwin asked Armin after they were together for a week. Mikasa asked Annie before they even started dating!

I'm not a huge fan of prom, but I kind of wanted to make it memorable if you catch my drift. Levi's going to college and to be honest, that's probably the only reason I want this as badly as I do.

So when he started to ask me like it was no big deal, of course I ignored him. Was it bitchy? Yes. Yes it was. But I'm sorry, I wanted a proper asking, thank you very much. I was texting Armin and Mikasa in the car.

I had told them that Levi hadn't asked me last week when we stayed at Armin's house. They were both surprised by this. And kind of pissed. So naturally, they encouraged me to play around with this. So here I am, laughing at their reactions.

 

From Armin- YASSSSSSSS

From Mika- I'm seriously laughing so hard. I think Jean is confused.

To Group- Why the hell are you with Horseface?

From Mika- Double date. Kind of regretting it, but if Jean left, I'd be fine with just Marco.

From Armin- He is cuter.

To Group- Word.

From Mika- Oh my god. You're never going to say that again. Please, I beg.

To Group- TRY MY BITCH

From Mika- I think you meant to say me* cause I'm not trying Levi. He's my brother and that's weird.

From Armin- XD

To Group- I'm done. Oh my god.

 

At this point, Levi is shooting me confused looks, so I decide to distract him just a little. I move to the middle seat and start kissing his neck as he drives us home. He jumps a little, then starts leaning into it as my teeth scrap at his neck.

I put my hand on his thigh and I can already feel the fabric start to tent. I smirk into his neck as I realize it. I guess he's horny. Too bad we're meeting up with Armin and Erwin right now.

I start to palm at his dick and I'm surprised he's driving straight. As soon as we pull into Armin's driveway, Levi turns to me and kisses me full on. Luckily, I'm in my right mind, so I pull way before it gets to far.

Levi looks frustrated and confused as I sway my hips as I walk to the door, but that doesn't stop him from staring and grabbing my ass. It's funny since Erwin answers the door and sees Levi's hard on almost immediately. Then laughs and high fives me.

 

 

Levi's POV

 

 

What a little shit. He just blue balled me! I don't even remember anything from that get together except jerking off in Armin's bathroom. Erwin came over to my house and when we got there, Hanji was already there on the couch.

"Oh my god, how did you get in?" I ask and she rolls her eyes.

"Give me some credit. I know where you keep the spare key." She says and flips through the channels.

"Of course," Erwin laughs and I pinch the bridge of nose.

"So, we need to music, then a planning sesh." Hanji says as she flips to some music channel. Some stupid pop song I've never heard comes on and my two idiots start singing to it. _Good lord._

"Okay, I seriously need help here." I say and Erwin gets his serious face on.

"So what do you have in mind?" I asks and I groan.

"I have no ideas!" I say and he nods.

"Well, how about you sing to him?" He suggests and I shake me head.

"That's too cliche, and that's coming from me." I say and he smirks.

"Okay, well, how about something... I don't know. You two are really private for the most part." Erwin says and I nod.

"I like it that way." I say and Erwin chuckles.

"What about something soccer related?" Hanji says and I turn to her. That's not a bad ideas actually.

"That gives me an idea."

 

 

Eren's POV

 

 

I so didn't see it coming. I mean, I knew he'd be weird, but this was past my expectations. I was getting ready with Jean who was taking forever today. He kept saying how he just needed to get this or he forgot that. Gotta love the idiot Horseface.

So we finally got outside to the field and I saw Levi up on the field early, just kicking around. I walked up to the field and he ran over as he saw me. He pulled me to the middle of the field and showed me the five set up soccer balls spelling out "P-R-O-M-?". He looks over to me and smirks.

"Well, I finally got the balls so ask you to prom." He said and I now here I am, leaning over and dying of laughter. I breathe and snort and make obnoxious sounds through my nose as I laugh at his stupid pun.

He had a shit-eating grin as he holds a finger up and runs to the bench, coming back with two extra soccer balls, one saying yes, the other saying no and set them in front of me in range of the goal.

I'm still laughing, not quite as hard as I go up and kick the one that says "yes", falling in the process. Levi catches me and I grip his shirt, still laughing. He's even chuckling a bit too as he leans down and pecks my lips.

One peck turns to two and two turns to tongue and Opps, now we're making out in the middle of the soccer field. His tongue explores my mouth as I use his shoulders to pull him closer.

"Hey, Jaeger! What the hell?" Jean says and I feel one of Levi's hand move from my back and I look up to see him flicking Jean off, making me giggle. _Well, I guess I'm going to prom._


	30. Future

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOLY SHIT IM SO SORRY. I'm terrible at updating. Well, it's actually only been ten day, but that's a long time for me. I kind of had a half writers block, half I found this scene boring but important so I made it short, with a dash of exhausted from sudden stress and panic attacks and just no motivation at all, all week. I'm gonna double post today and probably double post on my other fic. That one is about to pick up its pace a lot since I have a lot of the past prewritten and quite a bit of present. Ya'll should go see that because I like write a less angry fic. 
> 
> Anyway, THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH OH MY GOD. You guys have not only gotten my to 6,000 hits since the last chapter, you got me to 6,500 something hits! Like, that's seriously so crazy! I didn't think I would even get 2,000, so you guys are amazing and I love you all.
> 
> So I wanted to address something. I think I have about five or so chapters left and dont worry, they'll all be longer than this one because this one is really short. I have most of the rest planned out. Thank you all for sticking with me through my lack of motivation to over motivation swings and my sudden plot twists! It seriously means the world to me:)
> 
> Okay, so here's a short chapter and you'll probably get another one later tonight! Enjoy:)

Levi's POV

 

 

The thing is about this soccer game is that it's right before everything. Graduation is Tuesday and prom is next Saturday. Plus this game has so many scouts coming. It was the championships and I could tell Eren was beyond nervous. He hadn't been able to practice a lot, but he was still acting as captain.

He leads the line to the field and I can see him shaking a bit. Just before we leave to go back out on the field, I grab his jersey and pull him in for a light kiss.

"You're gonna do great." I say and he blushes before his face turns to that determined look I love so much.

"Come on, lover boys!" Reiner yells to us and Eren turns red as a rose. I yell/count to three and we leave the locker room. The song that's on is probably the most fucking stupid song they could put on and I have to hold it together as Eren and split as we run around the field because he's dancing and mouthing the words and it's too funny not to laugh.

 

_I got a lot to say to you_

_Yeah, I got a lot to say_

_I noticed your eyes are always glued to me_

_Keeping them here_

_And it makes no sense at all_

 

By the time we meet in the middle for stretches, he's working on the second verse and I can tell he's trying to turn me on as he sings with hooded eyes and damn it all, it's working.

 

_If you want to play it like a game_

_Well, come on, come on, let's play_

_Cause I'd rather waste my life pretending_

_Than have to forget you for one whole minute_

 

Needless to say, we finished stretching as soon as we could. I had hated having to warm Jean up while Eren just sat there, so I wasn't gonna waste a minute of time with him. This was my last game after all. He starts mouthing the words and dancing, rolling his hips in a way I know he learned from experience.

 

_Rock and roll, baby_

_Don't you know that we're all alone now?_

_I need something to sing about_

_Rock and roll, hey_

_Don't you know, baby, we're all alone now?_

_I need something to sing about_

_Rock and roll, hey_

_Don't you know, baby, we're all alone now?_

_Give me something to sing about_

 

I decide right then we're having sex tonight. It was never really a question, but now I have no doubt in my answer. I start kicking the ball to him as he falls to catch it. It still worries me every time he flops on the ground, but I know he'll be okay. I just need to stop being overprotective. He's doing fine. He'll be fine doing this.

The song changes and I find myself wondering what the announcers are thinking as they play warmup music, but lip sync regardless.

 

_Hey baby won't you look my way,_

_I could be your new addiction_

_Hey baby what you got to say,_

_All you're giving me is fiction_

_I'm a sorry sucker and this happens all the time_

_I find out that Everybody talks_

 

I don't dance as much as normal since I'm really trying to warm Eren up, but from the look on his face, I'm warming him up in more ways than one.

_Hey honey you could be my drug_

_You could be my new prescription_

_Too much, get me an overdose_

_All this stress talk make me itching_

_On my mouth yeah_

_Everybody talks_

_Too much_

 

Eren and I finish that part of warmup and move on to the team part. Eventually, we go in and get ready for the game itself to start. The first half is hard, them getting ahead by one, but we made a comeback in the second half. Eren stopped probably about fifteen goals, if not, more. The game itself wasn't the most eventful part of the day. It was what happens after.

I was walking to my car with Eren when he got approached by a man in a blue polo. "Hello, Eren Jaeger?" The man says and Eren nods.

"I'm the head soccer coach from U of M, Ann Arbor. I wanted to get you contact information for possible recruitment if that's okay with you?" He says and Eren nods vigorously and turned to me with a wide smile. _Holy shit, he might get recruited by the same school I'm going to._

"Could you please tell me your phone number?" The man says and Eren's face turns into nervousness. He turns to me for help and I look to the man.

"Sir, I'm sorry, but Eren is... um... possibly temporarily mute." I say and the man's eyes widen.

"Oh my. Are you the son of Grisha Jaeger?" The man says and Eren stiffens. He signs what he wants to to say to him.

"By blood, yes, but that's it." I say, finding myself rather proud of his response.

"Okay, well, I'd still like your contact information as well as maybe meet with you later to discuss your situation. Do you mind if I ask why you say "possible temporarily"?" He asks and Eren nods to me.

"He's having an experimental surgery next week." I say and Eren tenses at the words. I grab his hand and the man seems to notice.

"May I ask your relation with Mr... Eren?" The man says and I glare at the man while squeezing Eren's hand.

"He's my boyfriend. I hope that isn't a problem." I say, hoping I'm not digging myself a grave for two. The man look to Eren and I with a smile.

"No, that isn't a problem at all." He says and I can tell he's being genuine. Eren gave the man his information and he leaves.

As we see his car leave the parking lot, Eren turns to me and jumps on me, wrapping his arms around my neck. I wrap my arms around his waist to hold him up.

"Eren, that's amazing!" I say and set him back down. I set him down and his smile suddenly falters.

 _"Is it just because I'm a special case?"_ He signs and I shake my head.

"He choose you because you were good. He didn't even know about everything before." I say and he smiles again full force.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

My graduation came and went and pretty soon, Eren was admitted into the hospital for his surgery.


	31. Voice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so fucking happy I finally write this chapter. That's all I'm gonna say. Enjoy:)

Levi's POV

 

 

I'm leaning against the wall of a similar hospital room, waiting for Eren to wake up. Mikasa, Armin, Hanji, and Erwin are all here. Hanji is standing next to me as I tap my foot. "It's gonna be fine." She says and I look away.

"It better fucking be." I say and she puts her hand on my shoulder.

"I get that you're worried, but relax. It'll do nothing." She says and my jaw clenches. It's just he's so close, so close to having his voice back. I know it drives him crazy and its a constant reminder of Grisha. I just want him to be free of him.

"I just can't believe he might be able to talk again," Armin says with a big, innocent smile. He looks much younger than I've seen him look since Eren attempted suicide.

"I wonder if his voice is going to be different." Mikasa thinks out loud and I nod.

"Is that even related to the cords or the voice box?" I turn to Hanji and she shrugs.

"I don't know, but it's possible it may be different." She says and I nod. It's sad to think it might not be the same, but if he can talk, I really don't care. A noise from the bed brings me out of my thoughts and I see Eren moving his arm and his eyes moving behind his eyelids.

I move over to his bed and sit down next to him, grabbing his hand. His eyes flicker open and he looks up at me and smiles.

Then he opens his mouth.

 

 

Eren's POV

 

 

"Hi." I say.

Wait. What?

"Holy shit." I say.

I _say_.

Out loud.

Everyone looks at me in shock. "Well, his voice didn't change." Erwin says in astonishment.

"Guys, I'm talking," I say. I can't talk that loud, but I just had surgery, so that normal, I think. The door opens and Dr. Grey walks in.

"Hi there. I'm liking the positive vibe in here." She says with a hopeful smile.

"Come here so I can hug you, oh my gosh." I say and everybody laughs. I hug my doctor and she smiles down at me.

"So, how does it feel to talk? Is it uncomfortable? Is breathing okay?" She asks and I starts crying.

"No, everything is perfect. Just, oh my god, thank you." I say and Levi stands up and hugs her too.

"God, I'm just getting the love today." She says and eventually, everyone else comes and hugs her too. I'm sitting here in shock, but this time it's a good shock.

 

 

_I can talk._

 

Levi breakd away from the group hug and nearly tackles me, pulling me into a kiss. It's quick, but passionate and he pulla back with his lopsided grin that just drives me insane.

"I can't believe it. Well, I can, but god, this is crazy." He says and I nod in agreement.

"I can talk... I... I don't know what to say. It's like, I can say anything, but I don't know exactly what I should say." I say as I calm myself down.

"Eren, you can be discharged now, but you have to be careful not to overstimulate your vocal cords. So no singing, no screaming." Dr. Grey says that last part to Levi and wow my face feels really hot now. "Im gonna leave you to change, your clothes are over there." She says and walks out.

"I'm not seeing you naked." Erwin says and gets off of the wall. Everybody but Levi gets up and leaves, Mikasa winking and reminding us what the doctor said.

As soon as the door is closed, Levi throws his arms around my waist and picks me up. I laugh, slapping his back to get him to put me down.

"I'm sorry, I'm just so happy to hear your voice again. I missed it." He says as he puts me down. He turns around and grabs my clothes for me before setting them on the bed and turning to leave, so I grab his wrist.

"Don't leave just yet." I say and he turns to me, looking confused. I don't know why, but I desperately don't want to be left alone in here while I change. He smiles at me and nods, understand my hesitation even though I don't really understand it myself.

He sits down on the bed as I start to change, finding myself comfortable under his gaze. I know he won't judge me for my scars, if anything, I think he kind of likes them. Not the meaning behind the scars, but how I melt into him when he runs his fingers over the sensitive skin as he is now. He puts his chin on my shoulder and kisses my cheek.

"I need to put clothes on you know." I say and he shakes his head.

"Technically speaking, you don't _have_ to." He says and I laugh.

"Does my voice really make you that horny?" I ask and he nods, making me laugh again.

"Sit." I say and he listens, so I put my clothes on. After I have them fully on, I turn to Levi and he stands up.

"Ready?" He asks but I shake my head and wrap my arms around his waist and put my forehead on his.

"Levi?"

"Yeah?"

I have to calm my heartbeat in my ears before I say it.

"I love you."

I say it and feel tears come to my face again. To my surprise, he seems to have the same problem. He smiles as tears run down his face. "I love you too. God, I love you so much. I'm sorry, I'm crying like a sap, this is just so surreal." He says with a laugh and lightly kiss his lips.

"It's cute. And I'm crying too. I never thought I'd get to say it out loud, but god Levi, I'm in love with you. I'm so in love with you." I say and he looks down and starts really crying. I take his hands in my face as he weeps happy tears.

He looks up and shoves his lips on mine, bonking our noses together. It's an awkward kiss, but easily adjusted to a sweet, emotional kiss as he gets my face wet with both of our tears because it happened. I overcame it.

 

_I survived._

 

Just when I was thinking I would be okay kissing him forever, someone taps my shoulder. _When did the door open?_

I break the kiss and glance to my side to see Hanji's face right next to mine, looking concerned. I'd be surprised if it wasn't Hanji, but if her face is associated, I'm used to it. "Are you two okay?" She asks and I looks to Levi to see his smile despite his tears pouring out.

"Yeah, we're great."

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

We all went to the 104th that night and everyone was freaking out over my voice. It's really kind of crazy and Hannes is smiling at us as he watches everyone shriek. Everyone quiets down when I start to talk.

"You know, I never thought I'd be able to talk again, so I just want to take the moment to say something." I say and everyone turns to me.

"One of the things that I was driving me crazy was that I couldn't say how much I love you guys. So I wanna take a moment to say something to all of you." I say and turn to the end of the table.

"Oluo, I think you're awesome. Don't be afraid to be yourself, because you're much better when you're not trying to be someone else. Just be you. Petra? You're a cute little strawberry and that you for being the sweetest person I know. Well, next to Marco. You really are an angel, Marco." I say and they're all blushing, but I can't bring myself to care. I can finally say all the things I want to say.

"Eld? You're an awesome hippie and I love it. You're reliable and just a really good, chill person. Gunther, you're too tense. You're a good person who's gonna go far in life. You shouldn't worry so much. Sasha? I don't even understand how you're still so fucking skinny and I find it hysterical. You're funny and adorable and don't ever change. And don't leave Connie. You two are the perfect partners in crime. You're really awesome, Connie. You're the only boy I know who can rap like a women." He whoops and punches the air and I can't help but laugh.

"And Reiner? I see you as kind of an older brother. You're just really cool and always there for everyone. Bert, you need to have more faith in yourself. You're strong and capable, so don't be so insecure. Historia?" She looks a little too nervous for my liking, so I smile at her as warmly as I can.

"You're great. You're sweet and despite everything that's happened, I still consider you a good friend. Same with you, Ymir. You're honest and straightforward and I respect that." I say and she nods and smiles at me, which I consider a win.

"Moblit? You're just a good person. Like, a legit good person and I'm really happy you finally got Hanji. And Annie? You are the least openly emotionally person I know, but you're not cold. You're actually a very warm, sweet person and I want you to know I love that you and Mika are together. And Erwin, you're a really good friend and you and Armin are super cute. But I still can't get over the fact Armin banged you. Like wow." I say and fake shiver, making everyone laugh as Armin blushes.

"Hannes? I know you're watching." I say and he walks over to us. "Thank you for everything. If it we're for you, I don't know what I'd do." I says and he grin at me.

"Jean, my favorite racehorse. Hi there." I say and wave as he rolls his eyes. "You've seriously been amazing throughout everything and thank you so much for that. I'm glad to call you my friend." I say and his eyes widen, but he smiles.

"Hanji, you're fucking insane. Thank you for everything and just for being you." I say and she leans across the table to hug me, calmer than expect.

"Mikasa? Thank you for everything. You're still my protective-sister-slash-mother-slash-best-friend. I love you like a sister. You too Armin, but like a brother instead of a sister." I say with a laugh and he giggles too.

"You've been so strong throughout this whole thing and I just want to thank you for that. And Levi," I say and turn to my boyfriend.

"I'm so happy I get to say this out loud, but I am madly in love with you. You've been there for me, helping me fall asleep, keeping me sane, hell, you saved my life. I don't have a single doubt in my mind when I say you are the love of my life. Thank you." I say and by this point half of the table is crying, including Levi.

"Fuck, you're such a sap." He says and wipes his eyes, making everyone laugh. "I love you so much." He says and puts his head on my shoulder while threading out hands together. Most of our friends laugh or "aw" at this, but I don't mind. As I look around at everyone here, this this boy on my shoulder and a lightness to my heart, I'm finally at peace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CHARACTER LOVE FOR EVERYONE!!! YasssssXD


	32. Clean

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Easter!!! You guys really seemed to like that last chapter and I'm glad! That made me so happy to write! This chapter is important in the sense of Levi. It's annoying and I hate Grisha but I'm pretty happy with how this turned out.
> 
> Btw, I know a lot of you wanted Grisha to get the death sentence, but they live in Michigan and they don't have a death sentence there. Just thought is cover that.
> 
> So here you go! Enjoy and enjoy your Bunny Day!

Eren's POV

 

 

I knew I needed to do it. I sat down at the table next to Levi as they brought Grisha out. Levi grabs my hand under the table as we sit face to face with the man who tried to ruin me.

"So, what do you want to _talk_ about?" He says, really annunciating the "talk" and I can't help but smirk.

"Oh, we have a lot to talk about." I say and his jaw drops.

"How..."

"I found out about a surgery that you conveniently forgot to mention." I say and he looks down, eyes wide.

"So, first things first, how did you know you were the one to mute me?" I ask and he rolls his eyes.

"Who said I had to answer anything?" He asks and I see Levi grit his teeth.

"We have evidence of crime from so many cities and state, you could be moved from jail to the chair." Levi says and Grisha's eyes narrow.

"And I have evidence on you." Grisha says and Levi laughs dryly.

"You're bluffing, but you see, I'm not. I know you killed Isabel Magnolia and Farlan Church. That's how you know me." Levi says and I squeeze his hand under the table for support.

"Well _Rivaille_ , you and Eren are perfect for each other. You're both useless whores." He says and Levi lets go of my hand in favor of slamming both of his hands on the table and standing up.

His eyes look wild in a way I've never seen and I know Grisha hit a nerve. "Listen up, you motherfucker. You are the worst scum I've ever had the displeasure of laying my eyes upon. I never knew I could hate someone so much until I met you. You fuck with people and treat them worse that the dirt you walk on." Levi say and Grisha just smirks.

"I'm pretty you were the one fucking people." He said and Levi's eyes narrow and he looks like he's about to jump over the table and kill Grisha.

"Unlike you, I didn't have a choice." He says, barely even saying it through gritted teeth.

"Well, just so you know, Izzy was a fun one. She kept calling out for her big brother to save her." Grisha says and Levi's eyes widen and I see him stop breathing for a few seconds.

"Leave him out of this." I hiss to Grisha and he turns to me with an uninterested look.

"Oh yeah, you're still here." He says and I have to take a moment to calm myself before talking.

"How did you know it was you?" I repeat my question from earlier and he sighs as if his is a waste of his time.

"You started choking when you woke up." He says with a smirk.

"I wonder who did that?"

"I wonder who killed your mother." He says and Levi, who's still standing still, walks over and grabs Grisha's collar, taking him and pinning him on the wall.

"He didn't do anything wrong! He tried to save her! You're the one at fault here! Eren deserves so much better than you as a father. I can't even put into words how much better than you he is. He's good and you so far on the other side. He like heaven and you're hell. Fuck you. Fuck you and everything you've done." He says, voice strong, but he's visibly trembling. The guards run in and pull Levi away from Grisha and I see them pull Grisha out of the room and I know it in that moment. This is the last time I'll ever see him.

_Good._

The guards carry Levi out and he's still not really moving much, just kind of following as he's walked out. As soon as they let go, he falls on the ground and starts crying.

I sit on the ground next to him and take him into my arms. We just sit in the middle of the pavement and he weeps. He grips my shirt and just lets it all out, crying every last tear. He's shaking like I've never seen him shake before and I just try to hold him still and calm him down enough so I can take him home. He needs to rest. It's been too long of a day.

He looks up to me looking almost embarrassed and tries to get up, but falls. I support him from his back and he just leans on my arms as I get up and he continues to sob.

"It's okay, Levi." I say and he shakes his head.

"No. No, it's not okay. I'm sorry." He cries into my arms and I walk him to his truck so he can lie down on the bench seat. I put him down then run to the other side to lift his head into my lap.

He just cries and cries as I stroke his hair and leave him be. He'll talk when he's ready. It's actually pretty soon after. "I'm sorry. You just saw your father and here I am sobbing like an idiot." He sniffles and shake my head.

"He really only said things to hurt you. It's okay to be affected by this." I say and tears pour out of his grey-blue eyes.

"I didn't want to, you know. I didn't want to sell myself. I felt like a slut and I hated it. I felt worthless. That's part of the reason why I waited so long to try and be with you, plus the girlfriend. I didn't feel worthy of you." He says and I have to pause at that. _He didn't feel worthy of me?_ I lean down and gently kiss his lips before pulling back.

"Levi, you're the most amazing person I've ever met. You're beautiful and good and sweet. You're reliable, hell, you've been the only constant in my life besides Armin and Mika. If you think you're not worthy of me then you're dead wrong. If anything, is the opposite. I love you and you make me happy." I say as he cries. I run my fingers along the line of his undercut and try to calm him down.

"You're good. You just did it because you had to. You didn't have a choice."

"I could have sold drugs."

"But then you wouldn't be here." I say and he looks up at me. "Don't you get it? This is it. The way we live is because of how we lived in the past. It's twisted and messy, but it's beautiful and although I wish everything could've been easier, being with you makes it bearable." I say and he moves so he's sitting on my lap with our foreheads together.

"You don't see me as dirty?" He asks with an honestly that breals my heart.

"I see you as clean." I say and he breaks down crying. I take his face in my hands and kiss away his tears, despite the fact is face is nearly soaked. His shoulders are shaking heavily and he has to gasp to breath. He looks up at me with red rimmed eyes and smiles weakly.

"I love you so much." He says and I smile. "I love you too." I move to the driver's seat and drive him to his house. I know how to drive since Armin taught me in his beauty of a car, but I never got my license, so I go cautiously.

I bring him home to the basement, passing Mikasa and Annie. They end up following us down and I lay him down on the couch, but he won't let go of me, so I lay down too. They keep shooting us confused looks as Levi regains his composure and keeps pecking my lips with a tired smile like he doesn't care that anyone else is in the room.

They stay down and call for everyone to come over. I lay Levi down as everyone tries to cheer him up, but I know he's okay. Hurt, but okay. That's how we all are, I guess. Dying, but surviving.

Levi isn't paying attention to anything but me, he just plays with our intertwined hands as he calms his breathing. Eventually, he goes back to normal minus a bit of shaking and moves so he's sitting up.

Hanji and Erwin move on the other side of him and Levi uses our hands to pull me close. He lets out a sigh and leans his head on my shoulder before talking to everyone.

By latet in  the night, he still hasn't left my side and I don't think he plans on it. He keeps kissing me or nuzzling into me and I kind of love how clingy he's being. I know he needs my physical presence despite not wanting to say so.

Armin turns on a movie and it seems Levi is having none of that because he moves to sit on my lap and wraps his arms around my waist. I put mine around his head as he starts to drift off.

I play with his hair until I know he's asleep for good and then look up to watch the movie. When I look up, I see everyone watching us rather than the movie.

"Is he okay?" Erwin is the first to ask and I look down to see Levi smiling slightly in his sleep.

"Yeah, he's okay." I say and look up to see Erwin smiling, but Hanji still looks concerned.

"So what happened?" She asks and I look back down. _Can I say it? Most of the people in this room don't know._  I decide to just use the most vague explanation.

"We saw Grisha today, but he mostly said things to hurt Levi." I say and she nods, understanding.

"Are you okay?" Mikasa asks nervously.

"Yeah, I'm good. Today was kind of an eye opener actually. What Grisha said wasn't right. He was acting to cover his own ass. I guess I just realized that nothing he said to me mattered." I say and she smiles as I run my fingers through Levi's raven hair.

Everyone turns back to the movie except Erwin who scoots closer to me. "What did he say?" He asks and I knew exactly what he was referring to.

"He called us whores." I say and Levi move slightly in his sleep, but I kiss his forehead and he relaxes. I look to Erwin to see him gazing lovingly at Levi.

"Thank you." He says and looks up at my face which is probably wear a lot of confusion.

"I know you've been through a lot lately and you probably feel like Levi was your rock, but you were his too. He's like a brother to me and I only wany the best for him, so thanks for taking care of him." He says and I look down at Levi.

He looks so peaceful despite the fact he was weeping not too long before. He's the reason all of this is worth it.

"It was nothing."

_I'd do anything for him._


	33. Happily Ever After

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys.... It's been awhile... I'm so sorry, but writing smut literally takes me like a week because I feel uncomfortable doing that in public and all... So I hope it's worth it!
> 
> Thank ya'll so much because during my accidental mini hiatus, you got me to 7K hits! Like, this is unbelievable! I love you all and you have no idea how much this all means to me! Same with your comments, they all make me so happy! I was raving to my friend about ya'll because you're all so good to me, so thank you:)
> 
> So, here's a long chapter with smut, angst, and a lot of fluff:) Enjoy!

Eren's POV

 

 

I didn't think I'd be nervous for prom, but for some reason, the thought of it as I button up my white shirt is driving me crazy. It's not that I expect anything to go wrong, it's that I don't know how to feel about any of this.

Am I dressing too casually since I don't have a jacket? Did I get the right colored flower thing? And how is... Prom Night gonna go? My thoughts are interrupted by Hannes knocking at my door.

"Hey, kid." He says and walks in.

"Hey, you came in good timing. How the fuck do I tie a bow tie?" I ask and he laughs and walks over to me.

"You picked a good color, by the way. Matches your eyes." He says and I smile and look down.

"Armin picked it out. He's much better at this stuff." I say to him as he ties my tie for me.

"I know this sounds bad, but I always thought of you as my own kid, even if I wasn't always there." He says and I look up to him.

"Hannes, thank you. Really, for everything. You've done everything you can for me and it means the world." I say and he smiles to me as he finishes up.

"I wish I could've done more, but I'm glad I could help." He says and turns to leave, but I wrap my arms around him.

"Don't walk away as I'm thanking you." I say and he laughs.

"Finish getting ready, I'm driving you to the Ackerman's in ten." He says before leaving and closing the door behind him. I find my matching green vest and put it on before looking in the mirror and having a stare-down with my hair.

 _Do I comb you? So I gel you? Would you even cooperate?_ I take out a hairbrush and brush it through one side of my hair and it decides to do its best mad scientist impression.

I press out the static with my hand and glare at my mess of brown fur. _You win this round._

I run a hand through it in spite and decide that it works like it is. I've been neglecting my hair's length and it's grown to about shoulder length with messy layers. It's kind of a rocker vibe and I kind of like it. I think I'll just keep it this length.

I decide I'm not getting anything done with that and put on some weird cologne I found in a drawer. Smells decent and my deodorant doesn't have a scent, so why the hell not. Once I deem myself presentable, I go downstairs to see Hannes holding the keys. 

"Ready, Freddie?" He says and I laugh.

"Ready, Spaghetti." I say and head out the door after him. Most of the ride is quiet until we pull into the driveway.

"So, are you going to a friends house or a hotel or something? Don't kids do that now?" He says and it strikes my how oddly... Father-like this is. Albeit irresponsible, but father-like. I forgot what that felt like. I missed it.

"Yeah, what time should I be home tomorrow?" I say and he smiles.

"I'd say before nine pm." He says and I laugh.

"Okay, now let's go take pictures." He says and unbuckled his seatbelt. We walk to the door and Kenny answers. He lets me in and starts talking to Hannes as I go to find Levi in the crowd of people here. I find him in the kitchen, leaning on the counter, doing something on his phone.

_Holy shit._

"Hey," I say and he looks up at me and pauses. He puts his phone away and stands up straight. He is stunning. Levi is always able to take my breath away, but this was just... Wow. I stand at a loss for words as I stare at my boyfriend.

He has on black pants that fit him very well and black leather shoes. On top, he has on a white shirt and fitted white suit jacket with a skinny, black tie. His hair was pushed back with gel, but not to the point it was greasy and just _damn_.

He walks over to me and fixes my collar. I don't think there was anything wrong with it. I'm positive as he leans up and presses his lips to my ear.

"You look absolutely amazing." He says and looks up at me, biting his lip in an almost shy way that only adds to how perfect he looks.

"You look... wow." I say and I realize how stupid I sound, but before I can stutter out something worse, he leans up and kisses my lips.

It amazing how I can still get butterflies over him just doing that. He tries to pull away, but I lean down and meet his descending lips and he smiles and meets me halfway. It's just playful, a bit of lip biting and smiling until Mikasa clears her throat. Shit, right, _people_.

I pull away from Levi and smile at her. She looks fantastic in a bright red poofy dress with her hair in an updo. Annie is wearing a seafoam green high-low dress that I don't think anyone could make look fancy but her. She has her short hair down in waves and she has a small smile of her face.

"Stop sucking face, people eat in here." Mikasa says and Levi wiggles his eyebrows.

"Ain't that the truth." He says with a smirk and my fave turns into a strawberry despite the lack of truth in his statement.

"Oh god, stop it." I say and he laughs. The thing I've noticed since I've gotten my voice back is that Levi is a lot more open with his emotions. I can't really figure out why exactly, but I like how much he's been smiling.

He grabs my hand and walks me into the living room where everyone is talking. It still amazes me how everyone fits in this room since the Ackerman's live in a normal size house. The whole neighborhood is normal size, not small by any means, but not big either. It's a nice neighborhood, but I'd rather not live here again. Too many memories.

Levi squeezes my hand and steps in front of me, face concerned. "You okay?" He asks and I smile to him.

"Yeah, I'm okay." I say and kiss him softly.

We take pictures rather quickly despite the number of people. I take a few with Mikasa and Armin and big group ones but none with Levi alone due to the sheer amount people are taking when we're not posing.

Pretty soon, we all get into cars and drive to dinner. I'm very happy Annie has a car since we're not going to take Mikasa home. Levi rented out a hotel room and we split the cost. As much as I want this night to be perfect, I don't want to put pressure on it. That just makes things worse.

"Eren?" Levi says and I look over to him. "What wrong?" He asks as he drives and it honestly takes everything in me not to kiss him. He looks absolutely amazing, but in a Levi way. If it were anyone else, I wouldn't care, but that's the man I love. I scoot closer to him, disregarding my seatbelt I never put on, and kiss his cheek.

"I'm just a bit nervous, but don't worry." I say and he smirks.

"It's just prom, there's nothing to worry about." Oh yeah, I kind of haven't told him I want to bottom. I do, I really do, but I'm just nervous I'll mess up or freak out. How mortifying would it be if I have a panic attack when he puts his dick in me. _Yeah, that'd be bad._

"If there's nothing wrong, then stop making that face, you worry me." He says and I realize I dozed off again. I take his free hand in mine as he drives and butterflies fill my stomach.

"You worry way too much." I say and he sighs and glances to me.

"You're gonna be the death of me, I swear." He says and I laugh.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

The dance itself is crazy. I'm walking in with Levi and I can't help but laugh at the decorations. It's a "stary night" theme and it's a bit stupid. Actually, a lot stupid.

Prom is in the ballroom of the hotel I'm staying the night at, so Levi and I dropped off our bags before heading to prom itself. There are paper mâché stars hanging from the ceiling and twinkle lights everywhere. It's actually pretty with the lights, but everything else about it is shitty.

I've always been bad with dances, opting out of as many as I could before, so I let Levi lead me to the dance floor. There's some song with heavy bass playing that everyone is either grinding or jumping to. I guess Levi goes for the former as he grabs my hips.

"You okay with this?" He asks. He's been being really cautious and sweet all night and it honest makes me all the happier he's here with me.

"Yeah, it's good." I say and wrap my arms around his neck. We start swaying our hips and after a moment, I laugh. "This is so awkward, why is this a thing?" I say in his ear and he laughs too.

"It's pretty much an excuse to dry hump in public." He says and rolls his hips to prove the point. I groan in his ear and know that we're not gonna stay here long if he keeps that up.

We end up just sitting at a table with some of our friends until something I really hate starts. "It's time to announce prom court!" Someone announces that I don't even really recognize. I should probably go to school more often. Granted, I did have surgery twice this quarter alone.

I look to Mikasa to bitch about how barbaric this is with her and am surprised to see that she looks almost excited. _What the hell?_

"This year is going to be a bit different than most years." The man says and I have no idea what's going on until I see two male crowns. Wow, that's really cool. I wonder if it's Eld and Gunther.

"This year, we have two prom kings. The first one is Levi Ackerman!" The announcer says and I feel my eyes widen as I see Levi stand up and walk up to the front. Who the hell is gonna be his other king? The thought of anyone else with him makes my blood boil a bit.

"The second is Eren Jaeger!"

_Wait, what?_

All of our friends are cheering loudly as Levi smiles down to me. _How the hell did I win? I'm a junior and not exactly popular._

Mikasa shoves me a bit and I remember how to walk the stage. I get up there and the place the crown on my head, and I must still look confused until Levi comes and grabs my hand, leaning up to whisper in my ear.

"I think Hanji and Erwin rigged it." I hear the mixture of annoyance and amusement in his voice and laugh. He lowers himself off of his tiptoes and I just smile down at him. He looks really cute since the plastic crown is too big for him and it falling to the side, face soft and eyes blue. He has a small smile on his face and I know I'm just grinning like an idiot as I lean down and lightly press my lips to his.

"Now the prom kings must share a royal dance." The announce says and honestly, is he getting paid for this, because shit that makes this more cheesy that it already it. Levi and I walk off of the stage to the dance floor, where people have cleared an opening for us.

Levi looks to me and gives me a little smile before bending down and offering me his hand. "May I have this dance?" He asks and everyone around us screams or swoons. I may or may not have let out a swoon-sounding sigh as well. He grinning his crooked grin up to me and and god, he's adorable.

"I'd love to." I say and take his hand. He holds our two hands up and puts his other one around me waist while I put mine on his shoulder. It's not a fancy, well-formed dance, but it's enough that has my heart beating like a drum as they play the song, we step back and forth to the music.

 

_The strands in your eyes that color them wonderful_

_Stop me and steal my breath._

_And emeralds from mountains thrust towards the sky_

_Never revealing their depth._

 

"So, do you think Hanji or Erwin picked the song?" I ask and he smiles.

"I actually did. I told them I was gonna request it, but I didn't think they'd do this." He says and I laugh.

"A bit cliche, don't you think?" I ask and he glares at me with no real heat.

"Hey, I love this song. It's cheesy, yes, but it's also musically well done." He says and I smile at his music nerd display.

 

_Tell me that we belong together,_

_Dress it up with the trappings of love._

_I'll be captivated, I'll hang from your lips,_

_Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above._

 

He uses our clasped hands to spin me around and I laugh as I practically fall in his arms. I get myself upright and press my forehead to his.

"I love you." I say and he looks down with a blush.

"I love you too, Bright Eyes."

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

We clumsily make our way to our room, holding hands the whole way. It takes everything in me not to make out with him in the hallway, but I'm still in my right mind enough to wait.

As soon as the door closes behind up, my back hits the door. Levi, despite the slightly aggressive action, delicately grabs my face with one hand, thumb tracing my cheekbone, and strings the other in my hair.

Our bodies are flushes and I can feel his growing arousal. I'm stuck on the wall, not able or wanting to move from this place. The feeling of him against me has me knees weak already and all we've done is grind at this point.

"I've been wanting you all night." I say to him he shivers as if he's the one pinned against the door. He picks me up and carries me over to the bed. It kind of feels as though we were newlyweds, but it's nice. He sets my down on the bed and straddles me.

"Don't worry, we have all night now." He says and leans down to kiss me. He starts out slow, but I lick his bottom lip almost instantly, wanting to move this along. I was nervous, but I wanted this. I wanted Levi.

I pull his jacket off of him and loosen his tie as we get lost in just being. He breaks the kiss just long enough to rip his shirt off before pulling out bodies flush again. He starts to work my clothes off too until we're just pants and boxers. I pull back just enough to start to unbuckle his pants as he starts suckling at my jaw.

A desperate moan comes out of me making Levi moan too and pull back. "That was the sexiest thing I've ever heard." He says as he finishes pulling off his pants. "I wonder what you will sound like pounding into me." He says and I falter.

"Levi?" I say and he looks up a bit concerned.

"You okay?" He says and sits on my lap enough so that we're face to face, forehead to forehead.

"Yeah, I'm okay, I just..." I say and he rubs my cheekbones with him thumbs and waits for me to finish. "I want you to take me." I say, voice unwavering and Levi's eyes widen.

"Are you sure?" He says softly, but I can feel his dick twitch at the request.

"I'm sure. But... just be gentle. I can't do it hard. I won't be able to take it. Don't just fuck me." I say and he smiles sweetly and nods.

"I wasn't planning on ever just fucking you. I want to make love to you. Love you in every way possible." He says and I shutter at the deep, but honest voice he uses to say it. I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him into a kiss.

This one is slower and I can tell he's being serious about this. It's not lacking passion in any way, but it doesn't need to be rushed. We have the rest of our lives to love each other.

He tilts his head to deepen the kiss and I thread my fingers through his hair. His hand run down my chest, my stomach, all the way to my pants where he begins to slowly unbuckle my belt.

He's being as gentle as he can and it makes my heart swell. He knows I want this, but I really can't take that much. He takes off my pants and underwear with the help of me lifting my hips, leaving me naked, our crowns having fallen off at some point I don't really remember.

He stops for a moment and just stares at me. When I say a moment, I mean a long moment. I reach for a pillow to cover myself up, but he grabs my hand and laces it with his. "I don't think you realize just how beautiful you are. You're beautiful in the most natural way and god, it's hot." He says and I can't help but laugh, although a moan threatens to take its place.

"So I'm hot and beautiful?" I ask and he rolls his eyes, but he's still smiling.

"Shut up and kiss me, you brat." He says and I pull him down into a kiss. He pulls his underwear down and I feel his hard cock against my stomach and nearly moan again. His tongue explores my mouth as he starts playing with my nipple. "Ugh... Levi..." I groan as he latches onto my jaw and twists one of my nipples.

His teeth scrap there and I can feel a mark in the making. He licks over the spot before moving down and taking my other nipple into his mouth, covering it in his moist heat. I find myself arching into the feeling of his mouth on my chest as he teethes at the bud. "Ahh..." I sigh as his kisses start to move downwards.

He trails down my stomach and licks a strip on each of the scars on my stomach, making me arch up to him. He slowly makes his way down and then licks up the length of my dick. I moan as he starts sucking on the head, swirling around it with his tongue.

He slowly moves his head down until my cock hits the back of his throat. "Levi!" I shriek and I'm really happy that it's past the time where I couldn't scream because let's just say, I'm not being quiet. He knows just how to work his tongue to have me squirming beneath him.

I grab the sheets in an effort not to pull his hair, but it's all for naught after he starts sucking. "Ahh!" I yell and thread one of my hands through his hair. He starts bobbing his head and I accidentally thrust into his mouth and he comes up coughing.

"Fuck, I'm so sorry." I say and he smiles.

"It's okay. I'm not really used to doing that anymore." He says and moves so he's leaving open mouth kisses on my thigh. He just keeps sucking on one spot before he starts scrapping his teeth on it. "Levi..." I moan as he licks over the large red spot he created.

He suddenly has my knees in his hands and pushes them up. "This might feel weird at first, but it'll try to make it as comfortable as possible." He says and I'm suddenly really worried as he reaches for the lube he put on the nightstand. As he grabs it, I grab his hand.

"Levi, I don't know if..." I trail off again and move to sit up. As hard as it is not to beg him to let me finish, being painfully hard, I need to talk about this. "I don't really know how tight it is down there. It's probably not that much." I say and something like pain flashes across his face and I know it's not about the tightness of my asshole.

"That doesn't matter. But I should ask, will it hurt you?" He says and I have to grab the base of my dick for a second. Levi notices this and looks at me quizzically. "You like it when I fuss over you." He state in a way that's not possibly a question. I chew on my lip and he throws his head back at the action.

"I like it when I know you love me." I say bashfully. It's actually kind of awkward to admit I have a kink, if it can be considered that, but Levi doesn't seem to mind as he puts his hand on my neck and pulls me so out foreheads are touching.

"I love you so much. Would you let me make love to you?" He asks and I nearly cum right there. I nod and he kisses my lips lightly, just a feather of a touch, and moves himself so he's back between my legs. He puts the lube on fingers and trails one of the fingers up my thigh.

I pull my legs up so I can open myself more to Levi. He smirks to me then moves my legs over his shoulders. "Don't worry, you don't have to do anything. I'm gonna make you feel good." He says and starts kissing my thigh, trailing closer to my warmth.

I feel a sudden wetness around my hole before I know what's happening. "Levi!" I scream at the feel as he licks over it. The feeling is unlike anything imaginable and I'm just squirming under him as he licks around my hole. He suddenly presses his tongue and I I'm screaming at the feeling of his tongue gently working me open.

He pulla back and his wet finger is circling my hole. "Ready?" He asks and I smile and nod. He slowly pushes it in up to the knuckle. He moves up to me and kisses my lips. "Don't worry, I'm gonna make you feel good, Eren." He says as he starts pumping his finger at a lazy pace.

It feels weird to have something in me and not have it be painful, so I guess it's a good sign. It actually feels really good as he prods my walls to open me enough for another finger.

That one stings a bit, but I just focus on the man above me, lovingly pecking kisses on my face. He moves his fingers in a stretching motion as he presses his lips to mine.

I kiss him back, distracting myself until he brushes against a spot inside of me. "Levi!" I scream into his mouth and he smiles into the kiss.

"Found it. You're so cute when you sound like that." He says and prods at that spot again, making me moan loudly. He puts a third finger in while I'm coming down from that high and I don't notice it until he separates them.

"Levi, please." I say and he smiles to me.

"I'm just making sure you're ready. Don't worry. I'm gonna make you feel so good." He says as he pulls finishes stretching me. Once he's done, I wrap my legs around his hips.

"Ready?" He asks again and I nod, but I'm super nervous. I guess he understands this, because he leans forward and kisses me softly. It's a light moving of lips, soft and slow. It's times like this he really takes my breath away, where I'm open in the most vulnerable ways and he still focuses on making me feel good.

I grab his shoulders and push him back just a bit so that we're eye-to-eye and nod. He leans forward and kisses me right as he starts pushing in. He works his tongue into my mouth and we get lost in the kiss and his slowly pushing into me. As soon as he bottoms out, he pulls away with a hiss.

"Fuck, you're tight." He says and that made me incredibly happy. I probably looked crazy, giggling up to him. He looks at me with a curious look and I just lean up and kiss him, groaning as it seems to somehow move us closer. He's thick and I'm so full, but I can't stop the overwhelming sense of joy I feel.

"I'm... tight? Am I... really?" I ask with a giddy grin while fighting my arousal that's making my head dizzy and he smiles.

"Yes... you are." He says and shutters.

"Levi, please move!" I yell because I can't take the pressure much longer. He nods and slowly pulls out before pushing back in, making me let out a long moan. He does it again, slightly harder and, god, it feels good.

He pushes in and out, leaving me groaning and writhing under him. He keeps it slow, but steady. He takes my legs and pulls them over his shoulders and hits a spot that has me seeing white. "Levi!" I yelled and he let out a sexy groan that only helped the situation.

It only takes a few more thrusts until I'm cumming on our chests and he's cumming in me. He flops on top of me for awhile and catches him breath. He pulls out of me after a bit and lays next to me.

I turn to him and he wraps an arm around me, ignoring the cum on both out stomachs. "That was..." I start, and he shuts me up by kissing me. He just pressed his lips on mine and doesn't move them.

"What are you doing?" I ask against his mouth and I feel him scowl.

"I'm not sure, but it's comfortable." He says and I laugh, falling to the side and he comes on top of me, actually kissing me and taking advantage of my open mouth.

Just when I think he's aiming for a round two, he pulls back suddenly and sits in my lap. "I need to get something off my chest." He says and I sit up.

"Would that be my cum?" I ask and he laughs and shoves my shoulder.

"Shut up, I'm being serious." He says and I smile to him.

"Okay, what is it?" I say and he bites his lip.

"The only thing I remember my mom saying to me is that when I love someone, I should tell them everything because despite what how close you feel, we can't read each others minds." He says and my smile shrinks from giddy to serious, but just as happy nonetheless.

"So I guess I wanted to say that I'm honestly in love with you. Not on the level most teenagers are supposed to be. I've loved you since you were a scrawny freshman who was just trying to get me to fall asleep." He says and pauses to look down.

"I was in a really dark place when I met you, but you helped me. Well, I guess you didn't help me fully, but you made me want to help myself. I had a note written and everything. I was gonna do it. I was gonna die." My breath catches as he looks up at me and my chest tightens.

"But that one night, you came down, and you told me I could trust you. I knew you were being honest because your eyes were a different color than they normally were. Brighter, I guess." He looks down reminiscently and I feel tears gather in my eyes.

"I didn't know if there was still anything worth living for until you did that. Anything truly good in the world. I guess what I'm trying to say is thank you, because whether or not you knew it, you saved me." He says and looks up at me as the tears start to fall. He brings his hand up and wipes a tear out of the way.

"I wish I could've helped you before you were on the bridge and I know everything isn't perfect, but I'm just happy everything is okay. Above decent, even." He says with a smile that makes me know he means more than just 'above decent'.

I knit my hands in his hair and pull him close, just to feel his presence with me. I look to his blue eyes and say without thinking. "I'm gonna marry you one day." His eyes widen slightly and I feel him smile against my mouth as he brushes his lips on mine. "I'd like that." He says and I smile with him as we kiss and I know that maybe people like me do get happily ever afters.


	34. Live

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a terrible person. It's been almost a month since I posted... I'm so sorry! This is a super long chapter that really starts to work us towards the conclusion. I'm thinking only a few more chapters, but I said that like 10 chapters ago, so we'll see. Anyway, I'm sorry! I had writers block, then when I finally had an idea, I got super busy and went to New York for awhile and now I'm back and I literally finished this during school today. So, here you go! Enjoy!

Levi's POV

 

 

I wake up to Eren's eyes on mine and his arms around me. He smiles as I wake up and pulls me closer. "Morning Sunshine." He says and I just hide my face in his chest.

"If you expect me to actually wake up right now, you are quite mistaken." I say and he laughs.

"You are seriously the cutest thing in the morning. Remember the last time Petra spent the night with us? I couldn't take my eyes off of you." He says and I'm glad my face is hidden because I'm blushing now.

"Shut up." I mumble and I feel his chest vibrate as he laughs.

"I'll get you breakfast." He says and tries to get up, but I wrap my legs around his waist.

"Nice try, but you're cuddling with me." I say and he laughs and leans his head to kiss me.

"Clingy much?" He says with a laugh that only grows as I nod.

"I'm just savoring the moment. It's not everyday I get to wake up to this." I say and he laughs.

"It will be, someday." He says and I look up to him.

"Were you serious when you said you want to marry me?" I ask and bite my lip, not fully prepared for the answer.

"Yes, I was and I still am. Are you serious about liking that? Because I feel like I indirectly proposed." He says and I laugh.

"Yes I am." I say and he smiles and kisses me.

"Good, because I want you for better or for worse." He says and I laugh to hide my flushing face.

"But, you know, I don't know if I want it anytime soon." I say and he smiles.

"Good, because I'm only seventeen." He says and laugh as his face drops. "Fuck, we've been having sex illegally." He says in a harsh whisper and I smirk.

"That's hot." I say and he rolls his eyes.

"Kinky," he says and my smirk doesn't fall.

"I think that's you. How do you feel about morning sex, _dear_?" I say and his face morphs into a look of lust and embarrassment.

"What did you just call me?" He says and I move to straddle him.

"Dear. Do you like that? Or how about hun? Or babe? Something to show just how much I love you. Maybe I should just stick to Bright Eyes." I say and he hides his face.

"Stop it." He groans as I peel his hands off of his face.

"Fine, I'll stop. For now, Bright Eyes." I say and maneuver my arms around his neck and lay on his naked body. I prop my chin on his chest to see his worried look. His eyes are a bit glazed over and he's looking up, not really at anything, with a scowl.

I reach and put a hand on his face and he jumps a bit. "You okay?" I ask and he looks down.

"I had a nightmare last night." He say and I frown.

"That bad?" I ask and he nods.

"I don't know, I feel like they're getting better sometimes and other times, I don't." He says and looks in my eyes. Sometimes I have to remember to breathe when he does that, just looks at me with those blue eyes of his. I rub the back of his neck with one of my hands.

"I'm sorry." I say, because this is something I know I can't help with. Nightmares are inevitable. I still have them, but I guess that's why I can only sleep with Eren. Something about his presence calms me. I wonder if he knows just how far he's pulled me under.

I wasn't exaggerating last night when I said he practically saved me. I mean, no wonder he's such a big factor in my life. He's turning me into a softie and I can't bring myself to care. Not when he looks this worried. He wraps his arms around me waist and pulls me close.

"It was nice though cause I woke up to you." He says and my heart melts in my chest. I set my cheek on his chest and he buries his nose in my hair.

"And I'm the cheesy one?" I ask and he laughs.

"We're both cheesy as hell, but you wear it better." He says and I groan.

"I feel like we're _that_ couple. Are we that couple?" I ask and he pauses.

"I feel like we're close, but we're not as negligent to other people." He says and I smile.

"I can deal with that. I still have to scold Hanji and Erwin for last night." I say and he laughs.

"Come on. You looked adorable with that crown. It was way too big for you."

"I deal with many things to big for me. My friends, my boyfriend, my dick." I say and he slaps my shoulder.

"No shit, I'm not sure if I can walk." He says and I laugh.

"Same here. Maybe it wasn't a good idea to switch for round two." I say and he laughs.

"It's gonna be awkward as hell getting out of here."

 

 

Eren's POV

 

 

Later, we went home and had a normal day. I had lunch with Hannes, read some sign language textbook, called Armin and talked until we were about to pass out, then went to bed. What isn't normal is how I wake up. I wake screaming. Like, literally screaming.

I force myself to stop screaming until I hear I knock on the door. A small bit of my mind registers this is Hannes as the rest of my mind assumes the worst and I start screaming again. It's like when you hear a noise in a house and know it's a mouse or something, but can't sleep anyway out of fear, but ten times worse.

I can't even tell for sure it's Hannes and it's terrifying as someone opens the door and the sensible part of my mind is gone, so I jump out of bed and move to the furthest part of the room.

_He's gonna hurt me._

I feel an overwhelming sense of panic and it made me want to scream, cry, punch something, and die all at the same time. He comes closer and I do one of those things and my fist connected with his jaw.

I go to swing again, but he grabs my fist. He does this with my other fist and turns me so that my face is to the ground and my hands are behind my back. I hear his voice behind me, but it does nothing.

"Eren, calm down. Everything is okay." He says, but I can't relax at his words. They don't even sound like his. Everything seems weird. I can't really see anything, my heart is beating too fast to be healthy, and I can't think. My mind is at fight or flight and neither are available to me.

I start thrashing around until I suddenly feel a overwhelming sense of calm. I'm about to pass out when I hear Hannes' voice. "It's okay, just sleep." And sleep I do.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

I wake from a dreamless sleep in my bed with a pair of familiar arms around me. I look up to see worried sky blue eyes looked down at me through his glasses he only wears at night.

"Hey Ar. What are you doing here?" I say and fuck does my throat kill. My voice sounds scratchy and broken. Armin sighs.

"Hannes called the three of us. Do you remember anything?" He asks and I look by the side of my bed to see Mikasa staring at me with unreadable eyes and Levi standing next to me, leaning against the wall.

"No, I don't remember. What happened?" I ask and he looks up to Levi, who sits on the bed next to us.

"You had a panic attack. A pretty bad one from what Hannes said. He used some pressure point to make you pass out." Levi says and looks down.

I look to Mikasa to see her not meeting my eyes. She's hiding her emotions and I can feel it, so I grab her hand and she looks up at me. "I'm fine." I say and she sighs and I turn to the other two. "Really, I am. Did Hannes say why I might've had it?" I ask, although I'm not sure I want to know the answer.

"A nightmare. Apparently you were screaming for a good five minutes." Armin says and I let out a short laugh.

"That explains why my throat hurts like a bitch." I say and I can tell everybody tenses a bit at that. Fuck, are my vocal cords okay?

"You can talk, so that's good." Mikasa says and I nod.

"Should I see the doctor or something?" I ask Armin and he nods.

"Yeah, but in the morning." He says and I pause at that.

"What time is it?" I ask and he moves and pulls out his phone.

"3:30." Armin say and my eyes widen.

"Fuck, you guys didn't have to come here this early." I say and Armin just shushes me and runs his fingers through my hair.

"It's okay. We told Hannes to tell us if something like this happened." He says and that upsets me a bit.

"Why do you guys care so much? And did you know this was gonna happen?" I ask and Armin's gaze turns from comforting to serious.

"I found you cutting yourself in my shower, Eren. Of course I knew something like this would happen." He says and I look down.

"We care because we love you." Mikasa says and Levi looks up to me.

"You should try to sleep again. We can stay if you want." He says and I nod.

"That'd be great." I say and we all squeeze together on my small ass bed. It's not long after we all say "goodnight" that I fall asleep.

 

 

Levi's POV

 

 

I've never heard a scream quite that pained. I was up in an instant as Eren starts screaming. He started flailing his arms and legs around, hitting Armin in the process. I look to Armin and he nods.

"I'll get his legs." He say and moves to hold Eren down. I sit on his stomach and grab both of his hands to pin him down as Mikasa wakes up.

"What the..." She starts, but seem to understand something is wrong and goes to help Armin. I move my hips on Eren, my hands being occupied, to wake him up and surprisingly, he does.

What also surprises me is how green his eyes look. They're fogged over like they do when he panics and it's making me nervous. "Eren, it's okay. You need to calm down." I say soothing words to him, but it does nothing to calm his down. In fact, he only yells more.

"Stop!" He screams and I ease a bit of my weight off of him just in case.

"Please, calm down before you hurt yourself." I say and he goes rigid.

"Don't hurt me!" He yells, but it's not nearly as loud or as brash. It's weak and scared and my heart shatters. Does he even recognize us?

"It's just us. Armin, Mikasa, and Levi. You're safe with us. You're safe." I say and it's like a switch how quickly he stops. He just relaxes into the bed and stares up at me.

I watch the life seep back into his eyes and as soon as they look normal, I'm being pulled into his arms as he begins to weep. Mikasa and Armin move to sit next to me with grim looks on their face.

They've never seen him like this.

They've never seen it to this extent.

But I have. And I know it's best to let him cry himself out and say reassurances to him. "You're safe. It's gonna be okay." I say to him and he just pulls me close, wrapping his legs around me.

Mikasa falls onto Armin's shoulder and he lays his head on hers. Armin reaches forward and takes one of Eren's hands, but I know he regrets it when Eren starts squeezing. He gives me a look like he's surprised I'm not dying with Eren's arm around my waist, but I guess you just get used to some things.

Mikasa just lays there, staring, but it doesn't take an Armin to know she gonna start crying soon. Eren is sweating bullets under me to the point it's a bit gross, but I just hold him until he's calm. That eventually happens and his weeping has just turned into a whimpering that shouldn't come from such a strong man.

"I-I'm so-rry." He stutters against my chest.

"It's okay. You're gonna be okay. Just calm down." I say and he lets out a stuttered breath.

"N-no..." He says, but I move so that we're face to face.

"Eren, it's okay." I say and he shakes his head frantically.

"Did I hurt any of you?" He cries out and shuts his eyes like he can't bare the answer. I reach up and put my hands on either cheek and he opens his eyes again.

"We're fine. Don't worry. We're fine, your safe, it's gonna be okay." I say, repeating things I know will calm him down. He lets go of Armin's hand and moves that arm back around me, but I move us so that we're sitting and he's not beneath me anymore.

He continues to cry in my arms and Mikasa just rubs his back with one of her hands, looking awfully tired. Finally, he's slipping out of consciousness, but not before he says something that just about kills me. "I couldn't save her." He says, voice quiet, but loud enough we all hear it and that's when Mikasa loses it.

She cries much like Eren did, falling into Armin. I decide I need to change Eren's clothes since I can now see that he's wet... in a aplace that shouldn't be wet. I lay him down and go over to his dresser to pull out a sweater and some pajama pants.

I slowly, gently pull off his pants, not trying to trigger him. To be honest, I think he's to tired to notice. I pull them off and I don't think either of them were prepared to see his hips. They have red marks that I'm not sure to this day who exactly caused, all over his hip bone to his ass cheeks, stopping short of the crease.

I look up to see Mikasa crying into Armin's shirt as he starts to cry too. They know what happened to him, but never the full extent. I put the pants on Eren and look back up to them. "I don't know if you guys want to see his upper body." I say and Armin shakes his head.

"I've seen it. She probably should too." He says with a strong voice that just goes to show how mature Armin really is. So I slowly take off his shirt and Mikasa lets out a whimper as Armin lets out a sharp breath. It's really not pretty, his back. The scars take up most of his body, stopping around his shoulders.

Armin is staring with his mouth open as if he forgot how bad it was and Mikasa has tears freely flowing down her face. Armin looks down to Mikasa and pulls her closer. I put Eren's wet clothes in a hamper after I put his sweater on.

When I come back, Mikasa is weeping, but lying down. I walk up to her and put a hand on her back as she calmed down. I know Mikasa. She's like a sister to me and I know she needed this. She'll be okay in the morning as long as Eren is okay. I rub her back until she falls asleep on Armin and he lays down with her.

"Go to sleep, Armin. I'll watch him." I say and he smiles.

"Levi, thank you." He says and I look down.

"It's nothing." I say and he grabs my hand with the one that's not holding Mikasa. "

No, really. I mean it. He's been through a lot and if you didn't notice from his speech at the diner, you've helped him the whole way. I was talking to Erwin and he told me how much you love him and I couldn't ask for a better person for my best friend." He says and I look down to Eren.

"I just wish I could help him now." I say and he squeezes my hand.

"He's gonna be okay. We'll just have to take him to the doctor's tomorrow." He says and I smile to him.

"Go to bed. You need to sleep." I say and he grins back.

"Night." He says and lays his head down as I lean back so I'm laying down between Armin and Eren. I decide to stay awake for the night to keep watch over Eren. It ends up paying off when I feel arms wrap around my waist.

I crane my head around to see Eren with his head smushed against my back. "You okay?" I ask and he shakes his head. I maneuver us so that we're face to face to see him lightly crying.

"It actually hurts. These nightmares. It brings me physical pain." He says and I feel my heart break again.

"I take it they're worse than normal." I say and he lets out a cold laugh.

"Oh yeah they are." He says and I reach up to wipe one of his tears away.

"What are they about?" I ask and he pause for a second before his eyes get really wide and he starts to shake. I take his face in my hands and force his eyes to meet mine.

"You're okay. You're safe. It's gonna be okay." I say to him and I can tell by his eyes that he's listening. "You're safe. It's gonna be okay." I repeat it over and over like a mantra, waiting until he calms down. His breathing is calmer, but shallow and he shakes slightly.

"It's... it's my mom." He says and it makes sense. I nod and wipe down of the tears from his face.

"I'm so sorry." I say and he smiles weakly.

"It's not your fault. I thought I was done with the screaming years ago." He says and I guess my face looks confused, because he looks down before he starts talking again.

"Right after my mom died, these started. Sleeping was terrifying. If I screamed in my sleep, I would wake up to Grisha beating me. I eventually learned to not sleep until I was too exhausted to dream." He say and looks back up. "I don't know what made this one this bad. It's been ages. Maybe it was seeing Grisha, I don't know." He says and I'm confused again.

"Wouldn't it have happened sooner? That was two days ago." I say and he looks down to hide his face and I have a moment of realization.

"Eren, how often do you sleep?" I ask and he turns his head to the side.

"Not too often." He says quietly, but I take his face, still in my hands, and turn him towards me.

"Eren, have you slept the past two nights?" I ask and he slowly shakes his head. I probably have a look close to a hovering mother because he tucks his head bashfully.

"Is there anyway I can help?" I ask and he still doesn't meet my eyes as he shakes his head.

"I'll just wait for the storm to pass." He says and I kiss his forehead.

"I'll wait with you." I say and his head darts up.

"No. You need to sleep and..."

"And so do you. So I'll wait." I say and I know he knows that he's fighting an uphill battle and neither of us have the energy for that, so he just wraps his arms around my waist and snuggles into me in a way that makes my chest warm up.

"Looks like you're stuck with me then." He says and I smile.

"I wouldn't want it any other way."

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

The next day, I took Eren to the hospital. I dropped him off and waited until he came out with the doctor. I walk up to her and she smiles. "It's nice to see you, Levi." She says and I smile. I talked to her a few times during Eren's stays here, so we know each other now.

"Nice to see you too." I say and her face turns serious.

"It's become obvious to me now that Eren has Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and depression." She says as he walks away. I probably shouldn't be hearing this, but I have a feeling they don't care at this point.

"I've given him sleeping medications, but he's gonna need counseling now. As for his throat, amazingly everything is fine. A bit red, but fine." She says, but I'm still worried as hell.

"He can still live at home, right?" I ask and she bits her lip.

"Possibly. But, I guess the main question is, has he tried to commit suicide again?" She says in a hushed tone and I shake my head.

"No, he hasn't done that." I say and she sighs in relief.

"Okay. I did notice the new mark on his arm." She says and I feel my eyes widen. I look over to where Eren is standing, looking out the window, to see his wearing a long sleeve shirt again. It's summer.

Dr. Grey puts a hand on my shoulder and I turn back to her. "Could I have a word with you privately?" She asks and I nod before following her. Once we're in a room, she sits down and I lean against the counter.

"So what's up?" I ask and she sighs.

"I don't really know how to say this, but Eren has told me something's about you that concerned me." She says and I freeze. There's no way he told her about me being a prostitute, right? I told him I got tested and I'm clean and...

"He's been telling me about your sleeping habits." She says and all the air leaves my lungs as I sigh in relief. Why even doubt him? He's too good for me, I swear. But why did he mention it?

"I think you should go to a counselor too. You seem to have a problem similar to Eren, but you don't seem to have the same level of depression as him. Actually, you don't seem to have it at all." She says and I nod.

I have my bad days, but I've past the point of where I was. Eren is still too early in recovery to be anything but careful. She smiles to me and turns to get a notepad. "I'm writing you a prescription too. Eren may end up getting another during counseling." She says and I find myself confused.

"Although I doubt Eren cares, should you really be telling me this?" I ask and she smile politely.

"Well, you see, Eren is an unusual circumstance. He has just been adopted, but he's so close to eighteen that I asked the board to push it so that whoever he spends most of his nights with would be the person to know the details of his health. I asked and he said he spends most nights with you." She says and I nod shamelessly. Although we have had sex a couple of times, we mostly have nights like before where we cuddle and try to sleep, just being with one another.

"So, I guess I'm also, in a way, recommending that you should be his monitor. Both of you can try and sleep and you can watch his depression." She says and I take a second to process what she just said.

"You're telling me I have to sleep with my boyfriend every night? Like a prescription?" I ask and she laughs.

"Maybe not every night, but as constantly as possible. You've helped him down a very long road and, correct me if I'm wrong, but you seem to plan on remaining a constant in his life." She says and I nod, so she continues.

"That's exactly what he needs. I'm also aware that you two are a year apart, so maybe the quality time would be good. What he needs is a constant in his life and normally I wouldn't say a significant other, but it's become quite obvious to me that you're the right fit." She says and I blush, but still find myself way too confused.

"So back up here, what do you think is wrong with me?" I ask and her face turns slightly more serious.

"I think it's rather apparent that you have PTSD as well." She says and I look down.

"Oh." I say and she hums.

"I don't know what you went through, but I think you should see a counselor as well. I have a few I can recommend or you can just come and see me." She says and I nod.

"I think I'll just see you." I say and she smiles.

"Good. We'll get started Monday. In the meantime, watch out for Eren. There's no telling how he'll take the news." She says and I nod. I hadn't even thought about how he might react to it. I follow her out and we see Eren looking out the window pensively. He turns to us and rolls his eyes before turning back around.

"You just take him home and get the prescription. I'll take care of everything else." Dr. Grey says and hands me a slip. I smile and nod her a thanks before she walks away. I turn to where Eren is and take a breath. I have a feeling this won't be an easy talk.

I take one step towards him before he turns around and gets up. He walks past me, scowling, grabbing my hand. He pulls me along with him as he takes me out to my car. I let him lead, knowing he's probably on a very dangerous edge right now.

He goes to the the passenger side door and gets in, slamming it behind him. I move to get in to, but Eren's face as he stares forward makes me hesitate. I shouldn't just take him home and we sure as hell shouldn't stay here. I think of a place as I climb in the car.

I drive him over to the place and he gets out of the car. "What are we doing at the soccer field?" He asks as I start to follow him.

"Before everything with your dad, I came here to think. It's kind of my safe place and now I want to share it with you." I say and he turns to me.

"Levi..." He says softly then stops. Then he look up to me and gives me a small smile. "Thank you." He says and walks up to me, but I sit down and pat the spot in the grass next to me.

He sits down before fully laying down while looking at the clouds. We stay in silence for awhile before he finally says something. "I hate it. I hate this whole thing. I just want to be done with them!" He says and it takes me a second to realize the "them". I guess I never realized how much his mother's killer affected him.

"I hate that all of this still affects me. That it literally makes me sick. I'm sick. Fuck. I hate that." He says in disgust as a tear rolls down his cheeks towards the grass. I start to run my fingers through his hair to calm him down even through I know it's pointless. He starts crying slow until he starts talking again.

"I just don't know how to get past it all! I don't even know what happened to the guy that killed my mom, but Grisha is in jail. And here I am, having to take meds because they fucked me up that much. I feel like I should be able to just get over it, but I can't!" He says he's weeping by the time he's done talking. He just lets it out as he lays there in the grass.

He starts signing something that I haven't learned yet and it really starts to worry me as his eyes squeeze shut. I move so that I'm laying down next to him and he curls into me, seemingly ready to sleep, but he signs one more thing I understand. "I guess I'm just tired of this shit." He says and it worries me even more.

I kiss his forehead as he calms down. "I know." I whisper to him, knowing there's not much else I can say. And I know. I definitely know what he's going through.

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It's been three years.

Is that long enough to get over it? I guess I just learned how to cope with it, but it's still unnerving to me.

Eren suddenly lifts his head and presses his lips on mine. It's soft and a bit weak and I can feel his lip wobble, but he's staying strong and I didn't know how much I needed that until he did it. He pulls back and puts his forehead on mine, eyes worried looking.

"Are you okay?" He asks and I can't help but feel my chest bloom a bit at that.

"I'm okay. Focus on yourself here." I say and he shakes his head.

"Then who will focus on you?" He says and I find it amazing just how much he gets me.

"Shut up." A laugh bubbles up with and Eren starts laughing.

"Oh my god, that was a giggle." He says and I roll my eyes.

"Was not." I say and Eren laughs again.

"Was too and it was adorable." He says and kisses me. He tries to pull away, but I tread one hand in the back of his hair. I need this. I need him. Because, although I still don't understand how, he makes this easier. And "easy" is a word I never thought I'd see in my life.

 

 

Eren's POV

 

 

When Levi came home with me, he told Hannes everything while I went upstairs to change. I pull off my shirt to look at the fresh set of stitches on my arm. I was able to wrap my arm well enough to get me to the hospital with Levi knowing, but I wouldn't be surprised if he figured it out.

The stitches are ugly and protruding, but the cut itself wasn't much better, going along the outside of my wrist. I was about to pull on a new shirt when Levi walked in. I put my arm behind my back in an effort to look casual, but it doesn't work if Levi's face is anything to go by.

He walks up to me and grabs my arm, seeing the black string in the skin. Then he looks up at me with a set jaw. "Why aren't you telling me this stuff?" He asks and I look down. I don't answer and he huffs. 

"Eren, this isn't okay. If something happens, I want to know about it." He says and I nod, not meeting his eyes. "Do you not trust me?" He asks and my head snaps up.

"Of course I trust you." I say and it's his turn to look down.

"Then why do you keep hiding things from me? I just want to help." He says and I put my hand on his cheek, making him look up.

"That's just it, this isn't your problem to fix." I say and his eyebrows furrow. "Levi, I love you, but you can't save me. I need to do this myself. Neither of us are all that stable and we can't act like this is something someone else can do for us." I say and he nods.

"But, you a bit wrong. You need help, not just from me. There's a reason we have to see a counselor. We do it ourselves, but we also need others help." He says and I pause at that, but he fills the silence.

"You really did help me, but it was my decision not to die. You were the reason I made that decision. Now you need a reason to not cut yourself. A reason to live." He says and I nod. He takes my hands from his face and guides me over to my bed and we sit down.

"Okay, so what do you think should be my reason?" I ask and he shakes his head.

"That's not how it works. It has to be something that means a lot to you." He says and I nod. I don't want to live for anything I hate, I want to live for what I love. I want to be happy in life. I need to believe I can be happy with myself.

There's Levi, but that just doesn't feel right. I can't put that on him. I don't want us to lean on each other just to make it. There's Mikasa, but she can barely look at me when I'm this broken. There's Armin, but he has his own life. His own life. _Mom._

"Eren, are you okay?" Levi asks and I look up. He wipes the tear I didn't know I was crying from my eyes and I smile. My mom. I want to live for my mom. Live the life she never did. So I lean my forehead on Levi's, smile, and know that this is a step. A step to living on my own.

If I just focus on myself, then I'll end up on the bridge again. And I can't do that. I can't do that to my friends, Levi, and my mom. Because she didn't get the chance to live.

So I'll live for her.


	35. Firsts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyyyy! So, I have a feeling this chapter won't be an audience favorite due to the first part, but I feel like this needs to be brushed upon. I like this chapter in terms of development, but I feel like it could be better written, so sorry:/ I hope ya'll enjoy it!

Eren's POV

 

 

The dream I had that night was probably my worst yet. And the scary part wasn't it wasn't about my mom or Grisha: it was about Levi. It started out as just a fight and then he slapped me across the face.

Then he grabbed my collar and pushed me up against the wall. "You little shit, you think you can get away with that?" He spat and me and he pulled back to punch me, but I was woken by Levi kissing me. And I sat up and scooted away. So here we are now, him staring at me in shock and me trying to catch up with myself.

"What's the..."

"Stop!" I yell before he can say anything and his eyes widen.

"Eren, just tell me what's wrong." He says softly and I feel an overwhelming sense of guilt at the fact my subconscious would think he would hurt me. He wouldn't hurt me.

_Right?_

I look down and pull my blanket closer to me. "It's no...nothing" I say and I hear Levi sigh. Then he surprises me.

"Eren, why do you keep doing this!" He yells, not too loudly, but enough that I look up at him in shock.

"I'm sor..."

"I've told you everything! I don't get why you're so set on keep this stuff a secret!" He yells and I bite my lip.

"Its not like that." I say he raises his hand and my heart stops. I back away a few feet before I realize he's running it through his hair. Then all anger fades from his face.

"Oh god, I'm so sorry." He says and I shake my head.

"Please go." I say and his face turns sorrowful.

"Eren..."

"Please go!" I yell at him and his face falls into sadness and I look down. Then I see a small shadow approach me and I look up to see a small hand held out in front of me.

I know this is a sign of peace, as if I'm an injured animal, but I'm somehow comforted by it. I reach out slowly, making sure he doesn't do anything, and tread my hand in his. Then I yank him to me and just hold him close.

I listen to his fast pulse on his neck as I calm myself down. Tears trickle down my cheek and I push away from him. "I'm sorry." I say and she shakes his head.

"It's my fault. You shouldn't have to tell me anything you don't want to." He says and I nod. He takes his hand out of mine and grabs his pillow and moves it to the floor before getting a blanket from my closet.

"What are you doing?" I ask and he looks up at me.

"You told me to leave, so I'm sleeping on the floor." He says and I'm not sure if I'm more guilty or flattered.

"No, come back." I say and extend my arms to him. He smiles and walks over to me, kneeling on the bed. I grab him and pull him down to me and he groans.

"I need a pillow." He says and I move his head to my chest.

"I'll be your pillow." I say and he laughs.

"You cheesy shit." He says, but I know he's smiling. And I am too. But it falters when I realize something.

"Does that count as our first fight?" I ask and he pauses.

"Yeah, I guess it does." He says and I can actually say I'm okay with it.

"So, I'll try to tell you more if you don't yell at me when I wake up." I say and he nods.

"I can deal with that." He says and I wrap my arms tighter around him.

"I love you." I say and he moves closer to me.

"I love you too. I'm sorry I blew up." He say and I squeeze him.

"It's okay. I'm sorry I had a nightmare about you beating me." I say and he moves his head up and looks at me.

"I promise I'll never hit you. I can't promise you many things, but I can promise you that." He says and for some reason, it's really relieving.

"Thank you." I say and he sighs.

"I don't want you to ever think I would. I might get mad at you, but I'm never gonna stoop that low. I love you way too much for that." He says and I lean my head down and kiss his forehead.

"I know you wouldn't. It's just that... I guess you can never be sure." I say and he frowns.

"Well, you can with me." He says and my heart is taken over by a feeling I don't get often. The feeling of safety. And for once, it's like everything is lifted off of my shoulders and I can breathe.

It occurs to me just how perfect Levi and I are together. Well, let me rephrase that. We're not perfect in any way. We're gonna fight, we're both, I guess in a way, mentally ill, and we come from rough past, but together, we just work.

I don't think I could ask for anything better in a love than the feeling of being safe. And of just being in love. I'm just madly in love. Head over heels. Over the moon. And clićhe you can think of, that's how I feel about Levi. And I think he feels similarly.

The thought of that makes me insanely happy as I pull him closer to me. I just feel like 'I love you' doesn't explain the depth of how I feel, but I'm not very eloquent with words, so I try anyway.

"God I love you so much. Don't think I'm being redundant. It's just I get overwhelmed with how much I love you and I have to say it." I say and his face blushes so much that I can see it in the dark.

"Too." He says quietly and I smile as he shyly buries his face in my chest. I hold him in my arms and know that I will be with this man for the rest of my life.

I'm gonna fight for it. Fight to make that mean so much more than shitty nightmares and a funeral before my time has come. I want to fight for a good life with him.

So I close my eyes to fall sleep and pray I don't wake up screaming.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Levi ended up staying in my bed and we both managed to fall asleep. I wake up with his still head on my chest and one of his legs draped over me and it's honestly so fucking cute.

Sometimes in life, you have to sit back and smell the roses and this is one of those moments. I just get to see the man I love sleep peacefully. Or at least I hope peacefully.

He wraps his leg under mine and uses it to pull himself closer and be nuzzles his head into me chest. I really don't know exactly what changed from us being just friends into more. Maybe nothing changed at all and we were just always like this. Maybe that spark from that first night never went out, but I was too preoccupied to notice until it was a burning flame.

All I know is that now I can't live without him. I would normally hate saying that, having someone be that important to me, for someone to hold that much power over me, but he does and I don't see a reason to deny it.

Levi's eyes suddenly flicker open and he looks up at me with a small yawn. "Mornin." He says sleepily and I smile.

"Good morning." I say and he close his eyes and lays his head back down. He sighs as his hand finds mine and threads them together.

"Wanna actually do something today?" He asks with a yawn and I nod.

"Yeah, like a real something. Not like going to the grocery store or some shit like that." I say and he laughs a little.

"But in a few minutes. I just really want to cuddle right now." He says and I try to hold back a laugh, but it doesn't work and he looks up and glares at me. "What?" He says and I smirk at him.

"You really like to cuddle don't you?" I say and he flips me off.

"Fuck you, I like snuggling." He says and I full on laugh at that, making him scowl. He wraps his arms around me and pulls me closer as he groans. "You're an asshole."

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

By the time we go to Levi's house and get stuff, it's nearly 6:00. So, we're walking from the car up to some area Levi says he knows. "Hanji showed me this part of the beach. Practically no one comes over here." He says to me and I nod.

It's rather remote, probably a mile from any people actually at a beach. We set up a blanket and I lay down after taking off my shirt while Levi throws sunscreen at me. "I need your help." He says and I laugh at the pout on his face.

I look to the bottle and laugh even more. "SPF 50? Really?" I say and he scoffs.

"Shut up. You're extra sassy today." He says and I smile.

"Fine, I'll be good." I say and he sits down in front of me and takes his shirt off. His back muscles are really something to see. They're strong and broad, but not awkwardly bulky.

I pour some of the sunscreen in my hand and rub them together to warm them up. I place my hands on his back and start to rub it in. I take my time massaging all up his back and shoulders.

He sighs as I reach the arch of his back and I'm suddenly very happy this is a private beach. I knead it in, not staying down there too long, before rubbing all down one of his arms. I run my fingers along the rippling muscle as I realize this is the first time I've ever just taken time to explore Levi, see what he likes.

I move to his other arm and give it the same treatment before I move to the front of him and straddle him. His eyes widen a bit and he's starting to sweat, but I don't realize he's hard until I move to put the lotion on his face. I smile at him as he blushes. "You're just taking your sweet time." He say and I just grind down on him.

"And you seem so upset about it." I say as I grind my hips down on him. I rub the sunscreen onto his face before moving down. I take my time rubbing his chest and he just moans into it as I rub him down. By the time I reach his pants, he's panting, obviously trying not to cum and I think I'm getting laid.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

We lay down in the afterglow of sex and I just hold him, hoping he brought another blanket. "I'm gonna clean off." I say and Levi holds onto my arm.

"Not without me." He says and pulls on me. Amused by the situation, I pick him up bridal style and carry him over to the water. "Don't look so smug." He says and I try to hold back a laugh as we get to the water.

I walk in knee height and stop. Levi looks up to me for a second before his eyes widen in realization. "Don't you dare!" He yells as I let go of him and he falls into the water he comes up from the water and I swear he's steaming angry.

"You little shit." He says and I'm not sure whether to hide or laugh. I go with the latter and and smirks. "Yeah, it's pretty funny. Now give me a hug." He says and walks towards me with open arms and I continue to laugh as I walk away from him.

"Oh no you don't. Nice try." I say, but my foot bumps into a rock and I fall into the water. I resurface and Levi is chuckling at me.

"Karma." He says and I roll my eyes. I fall back in and start swimming around, Levi staring at me while I swim nakedly. He's just smirking as I move around and rolls his eyes before going back to the shore and I go to catch up with him.

We go back to the blanket and he stops short. "Shit, this is our living room blanket." He says and I laugh. He starts to walk over to the truck and I'm finding it surprising he can walk at all.

I gather up the... used blanket and bring it to the truck as well. Levi pulls out a new one and hands it to me before taking the one covered in cum.

"This is actually disgusting. We're going to a laundry mat before we get home." He says and I nod. I go back to our spot and set up the blanket, sitting on it as Levi brings something that surprises me, but he's been doing that a lot today.

He has his guitar and a picnic basket I don't remember him getting. He walks over and sits next to me and I find myself thinking over all the fucking romantic movies I've ever watched to see if there was something like this because there's got to be.

He looks up at me with a confused face like this is totally normal. "What?" He asks and I lean over and peck his lips.

"Nothing. I just realized that I'm not the most cheesy one here." I say and he blushes.

"Well, this is our first real date, so I wanted to make it special." He says and it's my turn to blush. Then my eyes brown knit together.

"How is this only our first date?" I ask and Levi looks up in thought.

"I'm not really sure. I mean, prom maybe counts, but the rest was mostly hanging out, I guess." He says and I nod.

"So we've had sex and I told you I wanted to marry you, but we haven't had a real date?" I ask and Levi's eyebrows knit together.

"I don't know if that means we're awesome or we did something wrong." He says and I laugh.

"I think we did something right." I say and he smiles a great, crooked grin to me that makes me remember that even a smile can give someone a heart attack.

He opens the basket and pulls out a tupperware container and a glass bottle. He must notice my hesitant look, because he turns the label to me. "Grape juice." He says and I relax a bit. He pulls out two solo cups and hands me mine.

After he opens the bottle and pours it for both of us, he holds his out. "Cheers." He says and I laugh and bonk mine with his. I open the tupperware and smile as I pull out cold pizza. I take a bite of it and it's the kind of dough that just melts in your mouth.

We eat and drink in silence for awhile until we both have our fill and I lay down while Levi picks up his guitar. He starts strumming a really calm song and I look up to him.

He really loves music. You can see it in he way he sways back and forth with a content smile on his face as if he doesn't have to guard how he feels. It's all out in the open for the world to see.

He looks down at me and I know I'm just beaming because I really love when Levi plays for me. "Sing me something." I say and he sighs happily and nods. He turns so his front is turned towards me and he changes the capo placement.

"I wanted to try this song, so don't laugh if it sounds bad." He says and I think back to our first day when he played for me. Things have changed so much since then, but Levi's eyes are still the same shade of blue, practically glowing in the setting sunlight.

He starts picking at the strings in ways that made the song sound whole, like it doesn't need anymore. He plays the intro before taking a breath and singing.

 

 

_His eyes and words are so icy_

_Oh but he burns_

_Like rum on the fire_

_Hot and fast and angry_

_As he can be I walk my days on a wire_

_It looks ugly, but it's clean_

_Oh mamma, don't fuss over me_

_The way he tells me I'm his and he is mine_

_Open hand or closed fist would be fine_

_The blood is rare and sweet as cherry wine_

 

He sings it so softly, gently. His voice is beautiful. Pure, but raspy you don't realize how much emotion you can be put into a song without being stupidly dramatic. It makes my heart flutter as I watch him sing.

 

_His fight and fury is fiery_

_Oh but he loves_

_Like sleep to the freezing_

_Sweet and right and merciful_

_I'm all but washed_

_In the tide of his breathing_

_And it's worth it, it's divine_

_I have this some of the time_

_The way he tells me I'm his and he is mine_

_Open hand or closed fist would be fine_

_The blood is rare and sweet as cherry wine_

 

He finishes and I take the guitar out of his hands and set it down. Then, I reach up and wrap a hand around the back of his head and bring him down to a kiss. It's slow and sweet and I can taste his grape juice in his mouth. I can feel him smiling against my mouth and I match it, if not double it.

He pulls back and still has that grin. "I'm gonna take that as you saying you liked it." He says and I laugh.

"Yeah, I did." I say and he lays down next to me and I feel like everything has a filter from the way the sun shines against everything as it sets. He puts a hand on the side of my face and strokes my cheek with his thumb as he looks into my eyes.

I know how stupid it may seem, but I feel like we don't even need to talk when he does that. We just know each other well enough that sometimes words aren't needed. Even when I couldn't talk, I felt like as close to Levi as I do now because we don't need anything but each other.

Levi closes his eyes and lets out a content sigh. "Have you ever just wondered how something could be so perfect?" He asks and I scoot closer to him.

"Yeah. You." I say and he blushes and glances down.

"I... was gonna say today, but thanks." He says and I laugh.

"You're cute when you get like this." I say and he tucks his head under my chin. I wrap my arms around his waist and pull him close.

Today has been great, but I know something needs to be said. This deserves to be explained. "I'm scared." I say and I feel Levi shift under me.

"I'm scared that I'm gonna hit rock bottom again. Scared of everything changing. When everything happened with my mom, it was like a switch. Everything suddenly just changed and I'm scared that history repeats itself. I'm scared that I'm gonna be like him. I'm just scared." I say and Levi pulls me closer by my shirt.

"I get it." He says quietly and I take a breath.

"I don't tell you this stuff because I don't want you to see me as weak as I am. I just wanna be normal." I say and he tilts his head up and kisses my chin.

"You're not weak. You're one of the strongest people I know and I know it's hard. And I get it. I really do." He says and I pull him close. I know this whole thing is is hurting him, but I just wish I could lessen the burden a bit. But I can't. We have our own burdens to bare and if I try to help, I could just end up doubling his.

We've come a long way, but we're nowhere near over. I know I'll always have problems like this, but that doesn't mean they have to ruin me. I can still love, still live.

I can still be happy.

And I am.


	36. What He Did

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey ya'll! So, this fix is coming to an end. I'm thinking two more chapters. For real this time. I love you all and you all have been amazingly supportive. You all have made this so amazing, so thank you! I've read every comment you guys left me and they all made me smile uncontrollably for days and really helped me. So, really, thank you so so much.
> 
> So, for anyone who's interested, I'm working on another fic. As of right now, it has a lot of chapters, but it's nowhere near done right now. Like, it's maybe about half way... Maybe. It's a very slow build. I'm gonna be a lot better about posting once I'm done here. 
> 
> Anyway, I guess this is a triggering chapter. Kind of. I don't really know, just please be careful. Love you all! Enjoy:)

Eren's POV

 

 

Counseling. I hate counseling. Even though my counselor is my doctor and she's pretty chill, it sucks. I sit in Dr. Grey's office and try to act like we're just having some casual conversation as opposed to her picking at my brain.

I just don't like being treated like I'm unstable. I want to be stable. I want to be okay. So why do I have to be here? But I'm here for one reason and one reason only: Levi. He needs this too and said he'd only do it if I did.

So, here I am, letting myself be researched like an injured puppy, while trying to stay sane.

"How do you feel about your father's trial?" She asks and I actually look up at her.

"I'm fine. That was awhile ago. I couldn't even talk then." I say and her eyebrows furrow in confusion.

"Have you heard about the new case?" She says and I sit up at that.

"There's a new trial? What about?" I ask and she looks rather uncomfortable.

"Um... he's been connected to dozens of murders and they're trying him to see if he's guilty. The odds aren't in his favor." She says and I stop breathing.

"I'm sorry, how many?" I ask and she glances around the room.

"They didn't release a number, but..."

"Don't lie to me." I interrupt and her head snaps over to me in shock of my outburst. "Sorry, but don't baby me." I say, much softer than before and look down.

"Thirty-four." She say and I look back up at her. "Thirty-four people." She says and I start shaking.

_How did I not know? How has he gotten away with this for so long? So many people. Could they have been saved if I had stood up for myself sooner?_

I thought it was just me. Just me being hurt by him, but that's just wishful thinking. This leads me to a rather terrifying question. Was I next? I guess Dr. Grey notices something is wrong, because she comes to sit next to me.

"Are you okay?" She asks and I nod, but my mind is reeling. I should have suspected something after Isabel and Farlan, but there are so many? And did they just decide to leave out the drug part? Am I gonna be brought into this? Then a new thought pops up that has me off the couch and out the door.

Did they find out about Levi? I leave the hospital as quick I can to find Armin in his car making out with Erwin, but I cockblock him by opening the door and sitting in the front seat. Armin jumps and squeaks as Erwin glares at me, but it soon falls when he looks at my face.

"What's up?" He says as I buckle in.

"Something's wrong. I need to see Levi." I say and Armin moves back to the drivers seat. He starts the car and speeds down the road as fast as he can without getting pulled over.

As soon as he stops in the Ackerman's driveway, I run out of the car as quick as possible and pound on the door. Mikasa opens it with an anxious look on her face. Fuck, that's not good.

"Is everything okay? Is he here?" I ask and she shakes her head.

"He got taken in for questioning since he was in the picture in the file. I don't think they know anything." She says and my heart stops. Armin and Erwin comes to a stop next to me and Mikasa moves to the side.

"Come in. We can wait together." She says and I nod, going past her and going straight to the basement. I'm aware that it's a bit rude, but she doesn't question it, just follows after me.

I go downstairs and sit on the couch, grabbing a pillow to hold close as I catch my breath. _What happens if they find out?_

Actually, I know what happens. He goes to jail. For a long time. I know Levi can survive in jail, but that doesn't make it any easier to live. Call me selfish, but I can't live without him.

Armin sits down next to me and puts his arm around me as I catch my breath. "He can't go to jail. Fuck, he can't." I say and she nods, shaking a bit.

"Everything will be okay." He says and I nod.

"I really hope so." I say and he leans in closer to put his head on my shoulder. Neither Erwin nor Armin questions what's going on until Hanji gets here too.

"So, what's so urgent?" She asks casually, unaware of the tension it the room.

"Levi was taken in for questioning on my father's murder trial." I say and the three people ignorant to the situation jolt a bit.

"What?" Erwin asks in shock, jaw open a bit. I pull my pillow tighter, unable to give a better answer.

"Grisha was connected with a lot of people's murders. Including Isabel and Farlan's." Mikasa says as I start shaking. Fuck. I can't stand to just sitting here. Not when they're questioning Levi like that.

"Eren?"

"What if they know?" I blurt out and bring my hands to my face.

"I doubt they know." Mikasa says and I look up at her.

"What if they do? What if something they say triggers Levi? He'd go to jail! Fuck. He'd be in the same jail as Grisha. Oh fuck." I say and my shaking becomes worse.

For once, no one has anything to say.

Why?

Because it's all too possible.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

After a couple hours, I suddenly hear footsteps come down the stairs and stand up. I look over to see Levi and nearly die of relief. I run up to him and jump on him, clinging to him like a koala to bamboo but not caring since he's in my arms.

"Hey, it's okay." He says and I shake my head.

"No it's not. You scared me so badly." I say and he sighs.

"It's okay, I'm here." He says as I calm down. I let go of him as I look up to see a purple bruise blossoming on his cheek.

"What happened?" I ask. Except it's not a question. It's a demand as I reach to lightly stroke his cheek, wishing I could just wipe it off.

"I saw Grisha." He says and my eyes widen.

"Did he...?" I ask as I continue to stroke his cheek to get my point across. Levi doesn't answer, just looks down.

An anger like I've never felt before fills me as I start to walk up the stairs, but Levi grabs my hand. "What are you..."

"I'm gonna kill him." I say. I don't even recognize my own voice. It's broken and harsh, fitting to how I feel at the moment. Levi doesn't let go, just pulls me to him but I try to fight him.

"Let me go!" I yell and he looks down.

"I'm not letting you near him." He says quietly and I realize something's that makes me fall down the one stair I'm on. I sound just like him.

"No. I..." I say, not even realizing I fell into Levi's arms instead of the ground.

"It's gonna be okay." Levi says quietly, not even knowing I'm falling apart.

"No! No, this can't happen!" I yell as I start to cry. Levi moves to sit us on the ground as I start to sob.

"Everything is fine. Calm down." He says like an actor reading a script, which I guess is pretty close to true with just how unstable I am. _Was he ever stable? Was he like me? Am I like him?_

"I'm just like him, aren't I?" I cry weakly into his shirt and he moves me so we are face to face.

"Don't you dare say that." He says angrily, but I don't feel threatened. I deserve anything I get.

"I want him to die, Levi. I want him to feel what he made all those people feel. I want him to feel the pain I've felt. I want him to suffer. How sick is that?" I say and he shakes his head.

"It's not. I understand. I feel the same way. Hell, why do you think I got hit in the first place? It doesn't mean I'm as bad as him because he's not innocent." Levi says and I shake my head.

"But he's still a soul." I say and Levi looks down.

"I just see a shell of a man when I see him. He deserves life in prison. He deserves worse and he'll eventually get it, but you're not like that. You're reasons are wholesome. You're not him." Levi says as I look down, but he grabs my chin and makes sure I'm looking at him. "Listen to me. You're not him." Levi says and my sobbing becomes worse as I lean my head on his shoulder, just noticing the group of people watching us now.

Mikasa and Armin come over and hug us too, soon followed by Erwin and Hanji. I feel the warmth around me from all the people, but I still feel cold.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

I wake up to Levi whimpering in his sleep. There's probably not a sadder sound in the world than when Levi cries in his sleep. I reach to shake his shoulder, but he jolts awake as soon as I touch him.

He looks at me with wide eyes for a second before grabbing my hand and pulling me to him sharply and holding me.

"Fuck, I'm glad you're okay." He breathes out and as I wrap my arms around his shoulders.

"I'm okay, you're okay, everything's okay." I say and he pushes me back a bit.

"Is it?" He says quietly and my eyebrows furrow together.

"What do you mean?" I ask, feeling panic spike in me.

"You really scared me today." He says, not meeting my eyes and my heart drops past my stomach and onto the floor.

"I-I'm sorry." I say and move to get up, but he keeps his hold on me.

"You stay here." He says urgently and now I'm even more confused.

"If I scare you, I'm not staying." I say and he shakes his head.

"Fuck Eren, I wasn't scared of you, I thought you we're gonna try to kill you self again." He says and I stop.

"I'm not gonna do that." I say and he lets out a breath of relief. "I'm not gonna hurt you like that again." I say and pull him closer.

"Promise?" He says and I nod, not even needing to think about it.

"Promise. I'm looking forward to that forever with you." I say and I feel him smile against my neck.

"Don't fucking scare me like that. Nothing that happened today was your fault, you hear me?" He says and I nod, just relieved to hear him say that.

"Thank you." I say and he nods as well.

"Maybe I should be the one with nightmares more often. This is much better than the one you had a few days ago." He says and I laugh.

"I think it's better if neither of us have them." I say and he laughs too. I hear a quiet knock on the door and turn to see a pair of purple eyes looking in.

"Everything okay?" Mikasa says and I nod. She smiles a bit and walks in, holding Annie's hand who I didn't notice was there. They walk over and sit with us on the bed.

"How are you guys?" Annie asks, not having seen us for a few weeks. I look to Levi and he smiles to me as I lean my head on his shoulder.

"We're good."


	37. Okay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for all of the support. You guys got me to 10k hits. I'm not gonna lie, I cried. I just want you guys to know how happy this makes me and how happy it makes me that you guys enjoy this, so thank you.
> 
> I got my phone fixed by the way! So that's fun! And I have what I guess is the last chapter since the next one is more of an epilogue. Kind of. We'll see.
> 
> So, thank you all for patiently waiting. Here you go. Enjoy:)
> 
> Edit/addition: I got a tumblr! It's not gonna be full on writing or fangirling, but I'll try and post when I post a chapter.
> 
> My URL is: http://lavalampwriting.tumblr.com

Eren's POV

 

There are few things that I fully understand in this world. One of those is sadness. And in accordance to that, I also understand happiness.

People who say happiness is a choice? They're full of shit, but they have the right idea. There's a difference between feeling happy and choosing to be happy. Feeling happy means everything is great, but it's fleeting. You could get cut-off in traffic and get pissed. You could get fired and be sad.

Choosing to be happy is something entirely different. It's being mad and being sad and being unhappy and knowing that it will be okay. Maybe not right then, but it will. It's choosing not to wallow in that one dark emotion and look forward to when it's bright again.

Today though, I'm just happy. Why? Because Levi and I are hanging out in the basement like old times. He's holding me close as we actually watch High School Musical 3 and he swoons as Troy sings.

"He is a truly beautiful person." Levi says and I nod.

"I can't even find it in me to be jealous over that. It's just too true." I say.

"Can I be Gabriella?" He says and I scowl.

"Pushing it." I say and he laughs.

"Don't worry. You're way better than Zac Efron." He says and it's my turn to laugh.

"You say that now, but wait until I'm old and fat and he still looks like a sex god." I say and he kisses my cheek.

"No way. We're gonna be those thin old people because we'll still be having sex at 80." He says and I laugh.

"Try and tell me you're not a horny guy. Just try." I say and he shakes his head.

"I'm not horny for just anyone. Only you." He says and I bump him with my butt.

"Bullshit. You were just moaning over Zac Efron." I say jokingly and he presses his lips to my ear.

"Like I don't moan your name every time we..."

"Guys, your pizza is here!" Mikasa yells, effectively ruining what Levi was trying to get at and I sit up.

"I'll go get it while you jerk off in the bathroom." I say and he laughs.

"And I'm the dirty one?" He says as I go upstairs. I go to the kitchen where Mikasa is holding a piece of pizza herself and smiles at me.

"Hey there." She says and I lean on the counter.

"Hey, where's Annie?" I ask and she shrugs.

"I think she's still naked upstairs, but pizza called." She says and we both laugh.

"You and Levi both with the dirty jokes today." I say as I grab a piece.

"What are you guys doing down there?"

"Watching High School Mus..."

"Figures." She says and I laugh and grab the box.

"See ya." I say and he waves. I walk back downstairs to see Levi laying on his back on the floor, staring at the ceiling. I put the pizza box on the table and lay down next to Levi.

"What's up?" I ask and he shrugs. "Contemplating the meaning of life? Me too." I say and he laughs.

"No, I just got tired of the couch." He says and I laugh and move closer to him, resting my head on his chest.

"I guess we're ceiling gazing then." I say and he snorts and wraps an arm around me. We're both having a good day today, trying desperately to ignore that Grisha is on trial today. We're trying to keep each other distracted and it's not fully working.

"Levi?"

"Yeah?"

"You're thinking about it, aren't you?" I ask and he sighs.

"Maybe. You are too though." He says and I nod.

"I know he's gonna be found guilty, but they're probably gonna release more information on the victims. I don't think I can deal with that." He says and I nod.

"I've lived through it. I can't hear about how much worse it could've been." I blurt out before I can stop myself, but I'm not sure I would've. I figure it's better just to put my thoughts out there. I tilt my head up and kiss his neck lightly.

"We're okay." I say and he nods.

"We're okay." He says and pulls me closer. We lay like this for awhile until he suddenly pulls back.

"Stay, you're cozy." I groan and he laughs a little.

"I'll be back." He says and runs upstairs. He comes back down and sits next to me, so I sit up. He puts a leather cord around my neck and I look down to see something I had completely forgotten about.

My mother's locket.

"How did you..."

"I remember you used to always wear it and you suddenly stopped. You left it at your house after..." He says and I stare at him in utter shock. Not the bad kind though.

He went back to my house after everything that happened. He went back for _me_.

I grin and nearly lunge into his arms, knocking him back. "Thank you so much." I say and he smiles up to me.

"It was nothing." He says and I roll my eyes.

"Don't lie to me. I know that was a big deal. Thank you." I say and his smile softens.

"Anything for you, Bright Eyes." He says and I lean forward and kiss him, our lips barely touching. I let them linger as I pull his lips between mine. I pull back and look into his eyes and just feel myself melting.

"I love you." I says and he smiles and peaks my lips.

"I love you too." He says to me and everything just feels right.

They say it's always darkest before the dawn. I can honestly say that that is bullshit. There's good days and bad days. It's not gradually better, it's gradually not as bad. Eventually, the bad is at a minimal and life just feels easier.

I know I'm not at my worst point. I may not be at my best, but I'm working on it. Maybe this is finally my dawn. Because right now, with him, everything just feels right.

"We're okay." I say with a smile, because this time, without a doubt, it's true.


	38. Good

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, so we're finally coming to an end. This is really bittersweet for me. I just want to say that I love you all so much and thank you for letting me write for you.
> 
> As I wrote this, I had some self-improvement to do myself. And you guy actually really helped me with that. I'm glad I could help you guys too if I did.
> 
> Also, if you guys want to keep reading my writing, in currently writing two fics right now, so if you feel like it, go check those out.
> 
> Thank you guys so much. I hope you enjoyed this<3

Eren's POV

 

Life is a funny thing. It's good and bad, happy and sad, lots of odd things. It's a noun, dependent on how it plays out to find its adjectives.

It's like an apple. Apples, in theory, are healthy. But they can rot, be covered in caramel, be cut, but that doesn't change the definition of an apple.

Apple is a healthy thing.

And life is a good thing.

I haven't always felt that way, but I do right now as I hold the love of my life. Levi's asleep in my arms, his arms around my neck and he faces me. His features are gentle with an innocence that few things in life bring. His pale skin glows in the moonlight filtering through his windows as his dark hair drapes his forehead.

He's beautiful.

Not even on the outside, but inside too. He's strong, brave, kind. He's not perfect, but that's what makes him real. I never thought a person could make me so happy.

But it's not just him. It's what he's done for me. He stood by me when I thought I deserved no one. He walked next to me as I fought my internal battles. He didn't save me, but I wouldn't want him to. Others don't save you. You save yourself. You decide to put down the blade and save yourself from the pain.

He was just there, waiting until I was ready to love not only him, but myself. And I do. I love him and I've finally come to love myself. Because I'm alive and I know how to live.

I know who I want to be, what I want to do, and that I deserve it. I deserve life.

I've known many things that I wish I hadn't. Self-hate. Pain. Grief.

But they've made me who I am. It took a long time, but I'm happy with myself. I still have my days, but I know that there's somethings better than all those terrible things.

As Levi's blue eyes flicker open and he smiles tenderly up to me, I know happiness. Love. Hope. Life.

And I can smile to him too, because I know him and what it means to feel.

Feel good and bad and know that it's worth it.

Because this is it.

This is the way we live.

And it's good.

**Author's Note:**

> I tracked this on tumblr as:
> 
> #fic:TWWL
> 
> My URL:
> 
> http://lavalampwriting.tumblr.com


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